The Continued Adoption Story

I had Ryan read the previous blog the other day and he said, "Where is the story of me?"

Well, there is a story, and here is some of it.

We had finished the legal aspect of adopting Dan and immediately put our application in for another child. We also had very busy lives with two businesses and I worked besides. Each time the state would call with a child, there just seemed to be too much going on at the time to think of adding another person to the mix. Years passed and it seemed as though we were probably just going to have Dan and that was all. We had not pursued any other children, we had pretty much resolved that a family of three was enough.

In March of 2000, we had just moved into the house we built for ourselves. Jim had been in the building business for many years and had built many custom homes. Since his business was thriving, he felt we needed to move out where we could have more land in order to have the supplies and vehicles we needed for our business. We built a house with a lot of garage space and a beautiful wooded area behind the house. We were getting yard work done and just getting settled in the house and the phone rang one day...

Jim was home alone, he answered the phone and it was a social worker from the state. She said, "There is a 2-1/2 year old boy who is in foster care, parental rights have been terminated, and he is ready to be placed for adoption. We found your name and we want you to meet him." Jim called me on my cell phone. I was on the way to the vet with our dog. He told me about the conversation and my immediate response was, "Call them back and tell them absolutely not." I was just not in the frame of mind to put myself through that all again. I was fine with how it was. He called them back and told them we were not interested. The social worker said, "Can you just meet him and then decide?"

Well, we agreed and this is what we saw when we went to meet him. He stole our hearts and we agreed at that meeting that he needed to be a part of our family. On the way back home, Dan was in the back seat and I could see his face in the mirror. I said, "Are you laughing?" and Dan said, "No, I am crying, can we go back and get him? Can we keep him? Can we go back tonight when they are sleeping and take him?"

We all had that same feeling but we waited through the process and on May 12, 2000, Ryan came to live in our home. It was all new to us, he was still in diapers and did not speak clearly enough for us to really know what he wanted. I took time off from work to get to know him. We had a great 6 weeks. However, it wasn't great for all of us. Jim struggled, he felt we had taken on too much. He felt the age difference was too great and the challenge of this young of a child was more than we could handle. There were many discussions, we sought counsel, life once again was filled with uncertainty that reminded us that we could really do nothing about some things that happen. I recall sitting in the living room one evening, having spent many many days and nights crying and praying that God would change Jim's heart, and Jim said, "I just can't do this." I said, "Jim, in all the time that I have known you, there is one thing I have never heard you say and that is 'I can't do this.' You have always worked through problems and I have never seen one too big for you." I don't know if that statement was the turning point for Jim, it seemed to have been, because I don't recall the pain or the question after that of what we were going to do with Ryan. He became ours even before we went to court and had it made legal.

I often say Ryan is our "oops" because he really did show up when we least expected. He had brought joy into our lives and a love of life like no other. We are thankful for his early years when someone chose to protect him and give him a foundation on which he can grow. He loves others, he loves kids, he loves life and we LOVE him.

Why Adoption?

If anyone ever hears Jim's side of our adoption story, it makes me out as one of those women who so desperately wanted a child. I have a different perspective on it from my side. I wrote earlier about my commitment to raising children to be Christians, if God would see fit to give me the chance to raise kids. I wasn't crazy about children, didn't dream of having some of my own someday and doing whatever it took to get some. I was not willing to go to extreme measures in order to become pregnant. When we didn't conceive, I wondered what God had in store for us and yes, I was a bit disappointed to not be able to have a child form inside of me, but I never gave up on the fact that I had made a promise to God that I would do what he wanted in this area.

So, the story goes--in my own words:

We had been told by one doctor (we being me) that it would be best to find another way to get children, he held no hope for me to conceive. He was heartless and cold and I was devastated. I had to hold it together in order to get home. I still cannot believe this person told me that when I was sitting in his office all alone, Jim had not gone to the appointment with me. I had my niece with me and she was in the waiting room. Rather than discuss the concerns with her, I had to fake being "ok" until we got home.

I never even considered asking or speaking to Jim about adoption. I knew his feelings on starting over in raising a family and I knew he would not even consider the possibility of going to that extreme. If it didn't happen naturally, I could not imagine going for an alternative plan. So, I rested in the peace that I was not in control of this situation.

Jim had decided to end his employment with the company he had been with for many years and go out on his own in construction. It was a good time for this to happen, we had nothing to tie us down and I could work and provide for our health insurance. So, he started working for a couple who wanted to restore an old house their family had owned. This family did medical foster care for terminally ill children. Sometimes they would also provide respite for foster parents who needed a break from their foster kids. One day, there was a van load of kids who arrived at the work site where Jim was. There was a young girl there who stole Jim's heart. He was told she was in foster care and waiting to be adopted. When he came home that evening, I found him in the back yard working on a tree that had been blown over in the wind. He said to me, "We have to adopt." I looked at him and wanted to ask what he had done with my husband.

I immediately called the woman Jim was working for. She told me about what they did and how to get in touch with the state to pursue adoption. We attended our first informational meeting in August of 1993. It was disheartening and we left there feeling defeated and sad. It just didn't seem that it would work out, they painted a horrible picture of what adopting a special needs child would look like. We were also warned against one particular social worker and to try and not have her be on our case. Well, as time went on, we got a call from the state and the information was given that we would be assigned a social worker and it happened to be the one we were warned about. We struggled with whether we should ask for someone else or let it go the way things were going and trust that it would all be for good. We decided to trust in the process.

Our home study was done and we felt comfortable with our social worker. Nothing looked as bad as the initial meeting had indicated. We were pretty ready and just needed to wait for what came next. In July of 1994, I got a call from the agency asking if we would be interested in a three year old who was in foster care in Madison. A boy. I, of course, was willing to take anything, I did however wait to say yes until I spoke with Jim. When we discussed it, he said he really wanted a girl but we could see how this all worked out. By the end of the next week, our hopes were shattered. They called and said he had been placed somewhere else and we would just need to wait for the next one. A few weeks later, they called back. Things had not worked out with the other family and they wondered if we were interested in pursuing this child they had previously called us about. We were by then very anxious about the whole process and said we were really ready to accept him. We also felt this child needed stability and we were ready to give it.

On August 25, 1994, we went to Madison to meet with the social workers and the foster parents to discuss the options. We planned a meeting the next day in order to meet this child at the foster home and introduce ourselves to him. On Friday, August 26, 1994, we met our first child for the first time. Since the foster parents were building a house and had a newborn, they were living in an apartment and had most of Danny's belonging in boxes. He warmed up to us immediately. We took him to the pool at the apartment complex and then went back to the apartment to visit. I read him the book, "Beauty and the Beast" and he listened intently. I then told him I had that movie at my house. He said, "I want to come there." I looked at Jim, he looked at me, we looked at the foster mom, and we said, "Let's take him now," and we did. We took the belongings he had in his room and loaded him in our van and brought him home. We called the social worker when we got home and told her we had him. She said she would have to get busy on the paperwork to get us licensed to be foster parents. So, she did and he never left being in our care. We had several friends with kids just a bit older, they showered us immediately with toys and clothes so that Danny would feel at home.

We had to wait for a lot of legal issues before we were finally able to adopt Dan legally. He was 5 years old when we went to court. On June 20, 1996, we became the full legal parents of Daniel James Knull. We loved him from the first glimpse we had of him running toward us from the apartment where he lived. We have loved him through the hard times and the good times and we have done what we could to be the best parents we could be. We have failed in many areas, fallen short in many areas, and yet, we are honored to have been given the privilege of parenting him. We want the best for him and we are so happy to see the young man he has become and the hard work he has displayed in getting his education.

I pray daily that Dan will have a relationship with the Lord. That is why he came here in the first place. I trust the same God who provided us with him will bring Dan to a realization that he was born for a purpose and that is to be one of God's own.

Why Can't He Just Die?

This was my sentiment for a very long time in regard to my dad and his falling into the ugly arms of Alzheimer's. If he would just die, then he would not have to suffer with this horrible disease. If he would just die, he wouldn't have to be so dependent upon other for his basic needs. If he would just die, he would be in the arms of his savior. Dad accepted Jesus as his savior in his late 20's and lived wholeheartedly for him until the day he passed into the state of not knowing anything. But really, what do we know? Do we know what he knows? I used to just wish that he would go into his eternal resting place because I thought that would be better for all of us.

I am so thankful for a God who knows better. Dad is for all practical purposes gone, he recognizes no one, he doesn't speak more than a few words at a time and most of the time what he does say is jibberish and makes no sense at all. But, when I go and see him, sometimes he smiles. His eyes light up and he smiles. Sometimes he laughs. I love those times. I love spending time watching him and talking to him, never really getting any kind of answer back. I love to feed him, especially ice cream. He is like a baby waiting for the next bite. I love the time I still have with him because even in the horrible state he is in, he still gives, he still causes me to have joy in my life, he is still my dad.

I fall short of my own expectations of getting to see him as often as I feel I should. He never makes me feel guilty or shamed because I have not been there. He sometimes smiles when he sees me, he never shows anger. Sometimes he doesn't open his eyes, but I know he is in there. I miss the old dad, but I am still grateful for the one that he has become. God taught me that I don't know best, I would be missing these special moments if all I had were memories of dad, I have memories, but I also still have a living, breathing dad, and for that, I am most thankful.

I love you, DAD!!

Our Story

I have never really sat down and written out the story of what led up to Jim and I meeting. For some, this is pretty uneventful, for me, it is a story of surrender and following God's will.

I was living in Texas in 1989, working in a very busy labor and delivery unit and loving pretty much every minute of my life. I had moved to Austin for two reasons, one, to be closer to my sister, Kathy and her family and two, to be where it wasn't so horribly cold. I had returned from two years in Central Africa where cold was 69 degrees; I didn't want to be cold ever again. My time in Texas allowed me to meet many people and form new friendships. I attended Bible Study Fellowship on Monday evenings. One of the women in my group said to a few of us "singles" that she felt we should all get together before Bible study and pray for our future husbands. None of us were dating at the time so this was certainly a step of faith. We met each week prior to the meeting, went out to supper, then went to the church and prayed for the future man God had for each of us. Really, I thought nothing much of this exercise, I felt the whole idea was so out of reach of reality that I only went along to be a nice person and felt that marriage was probably only for the other women I was there to support.

One night while driving to work, I was listening to the radio. Dr. James Dobson came on and made a comment about how the nation would deteriorate due to the lack of Christian parents raising their children to love and worship Jesus. I prayed on that trip and promised God that if he gave me a Christian man to marry, I would raise my children to follow him. My memory of that prayer is still crystal clear in my memory.

So, in May of 1989, I was planning a trip across the ocean to the village I had spent two years of my life. I wanted to visit one more time and see if that would be the future for me, long term missions. I decided that flying out of Chicago would be best in order to see my parents in the event that something happened and I could see them for the last time. I drove up to Warrensburg, MO where Mike and Leila lived, Mom and Dad were there to meet me to drive me the rest of the way to Janesville.

On May 5th, my lady friends from Janesville all got together for a slumber party. This was the night before I was to fly out of O'Hare. Lynda and Jody are sisters, Jody is married to Mike and Lynda was dating Pete at the time. Pete and Mike are brothers. These two sisters were telling me about Pete and Mike's step-brother and how he had been divorced recently and that he was a fun loving guy that they wanted me to meet. They thought it would be fun for both of us because we both had quirky personalities and we would get along well as friends. They never thought it would ever be more than a friendship. Jim was supposed to stop by Mike and Jody's house on his way back to Beloit from Edgerton. The ladies were going to just show up at their house when he got there and we were going to meet. Well, Jim decided to drive straight home, forgoing the stop to play pool at Mike's. So, we didn't meet. I told the ladies that I really needed to date and marry a Christian and since Jim had not made a decision to follow Jesus at this point in time, they needed to work on him about that and tell him about me. I would return in 6 weeks and meet him for sure.

I went to Africa. I saw a person there I had fallen deeply in love with. He had married and had a child since I had left. I knew my life had to go on for sure. I did want to return to the States and get back to school to be able to get my midwifery training and return to Africa and spend the rest of my life there. I was out walking with a Peace Corp volunteer one night. He was a crazy guy who lived in a hut in the village and a Christian who demonstrated great faith. We became close friends in that short period of time we were together. We were crossing the Sanja river (where there was an actual bridge) and as we crossed, quietly in my mind I said to the Lord, "If you want me to remain single the rest of my life, then I am going to be happy doing it." I surrendered my will in the area of marriage completely to God. I am sure Brett knew nothing of this transition. I didn't say a word out loud and with Brett, I think the only interactions we ever had were saturated in laughter, we had so much fun together.

So, I flew home. Arrived on Thursday. With the change of time zones, I really only concerned myself with sleeping. By Friday I had found out that there had been several plans for Jim and I to meet and double with Mike and Jody or Pete and Lynda and all the plans had fallen through. I didn't really care, I had a plan in mind, I was going back to school and back to Africa. The phone rang. It was this male voice I had never heard. The conversation went like this:
Jim: I think there are some people who want us to meet. Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow night?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Would you like me to pick you up?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Can you tell me where to pick you up?
Christine: The address is 2841 Mineral Point. I believe it has brick on it.

So, I had proven myself as an idiot before I even met him. The plan was for him to come and get me around 6 on Saturday evening.

Saturday came and I was getting ready for the "date". I showered and washed my hair, put on my makeup and a dress and was pretty much ready when the doorbell rang. Kathy and her kids were in Janesville because the plan was for Mom to drive us all down to Mike and Leila's to get my car and then we would go the rest of the way to Austin in my car. When the doorbell rang, Jimi yelled--and I mean YELLED, "YOUR HUSBAND'S HERE!" I was sure this stranger standing on the other side of that door heard that and I was ready to go out the back door never to be seen. However, I did not. I opened the door. When I did, I immediately felt my whole world turn upside down. I knew at that second that there was no schooling in my future and no returning full time to Africa. Jim and I went to the van and started our one and only real date.

We ended up eating dinner at the Manor and after dinner we did meet up with Pete and Lynda and the four of us went to Riverfest in Beloit. It was there that Jim kissed me. I was immediately so in love with him, I felt like I was 15 again. We had a blast together and after dessert and visiting with Pete and Lynda, Jim took me back to my parent's house. We spent the next several hours talking and trying to get to know each other as best we could with the short time we had. I explained to Jim what my faith meant to me and that if there was to be a long term relationship, he would have to first make a commitment to live his life for Jesus. He had been attending church since his divorce, he was seeking for a different life. I made it clear that it was my top priority and non-negotiable. We sat in the driveway until 4:30 when Jim went to stretch and accidentally hit the horn. That was a sign that we needed to separate and get some rest. We had church in a few hours and he had to go to Beloit to get ready.

I went in the house and Kathy got up to see how the "date" had gone. I told her about Jim and that I knew this was the man I was to marry.

Jim came to church that morning and we spent some of the afternoon together and Monday morning I left to return to Texas. I was so torn. I never wanted to stay in Janesville as badly as I wanted to that day.

So, Jim and I corresponded for a couple of weeks. The Sunday after Jim's birthday, I called to talk to him at Mike and Jody's. They were all together after church on Sunday night celebrating Jim's birthday. I spoke with Jody first. She said, "I think you need to ask him what happened." I knew what she meant. I got on the phone with him and said, "So, do you think I can tell my friends you are a Christian?" To which he responded with a "YES". I was quite excited and knew that I could now seriously change the plans I had made for my life.

By the end of July, as in about a week, Jim and I knew we did not want to spend another day away from each other. One night when we were talking on the phone, he asked, "What is keeping you in Texas?" I told him I had to quit my job and my lease on my apartment was up at the end of the month. So, really, nothing. He made plans to come and move me back to Janesville.

So, by the end of the month, I was packed up and moving back to my home town. On the trip back to Janesville, Jim asked me to be his wife.

So, I got a job here and started making wedding plans. On February 24, 1990, we became Mr. and Mrs. Jim Knull.

Life has been a roller coaster ride ever since. I have enjoyed the time. I love Jim more every day. He has been my rock and I would not trade him for anything, ever!!

There is so much more to our story. God has been faithful. I will tell the rest at another time.

Dad's Birthday Celebration Part 2

You can't have a party without gifts. What do you give the man who may not have everything, but has everything he needs? (or it gets lost in the nursing home laundry) I had a senior picture of Dan that I got back from Mom's apartment. I already have that exact picture on the wall in my living room, didn't feel I needed another of the same. So, I gave the picture back to Dad. I also gave him the picture of Mom and Dad that we used for Mom's obituary. When he opened the picture of Dan, he looked around the room, kind of seemed to be looking for who was in the picture. Then he grunted. Not really sure what the grunt meant. He opened the other picture and didn't really react much to it, but boy he loved the paper. He spent the rest of our time there playing with the paper from the gifts. I took it at the end of the day and put it in his activity box. He obviously liked the feel of the paper.

All in all, it was a very good day. I hope there was a little glimpse into Dad's mind that we were there. I hope he felt the love that we have for him. But if he doesn't, it doesn't really matter, just honoring him and spending time with him is time well spent.

I love you, Dad. Can't wait to hear what you have to say.

Dad's Birthday Celebration Part 1

Leila and Mike came over this past weekend to visit. Leila thought it was a good time to celebrate Dad's birthday. He turns 79 on April 18th. Renee was going to come up too and join in the festivities.

Ike Timm called earlier in the week and said he was thinking about my mom and dad this week and wanted to go see my dad. He heard about the party and asked if he could join us. Ike is the pastor who performed the service for my mother, his dad and my dad were close friends years ago. I told him that would be great if he would come, it would be an honor to have him join us. I took their picture and then realized we had--"Mike and Ike" with us. (Two preachers got together to talk)

Angie also joined us. I had posted an invite on Facebook, she called and asked if I was serious. I was serious and we were very excited to have her join in too. She stood in the picture for Kathy, since Kathy couldn't be there. Dad was none the wiser and really, Angie was like one of us anyway--we have shared many memories together. Angie lost her first husband 10 years ago and Dad came up from Missouri to have his funeral. Angie said Dad said to her, "Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning..." Dad had a great gift of offering comfort to the hurting. It is an honor now to offer help to him knowing how much he did for others.

Dad LOVES ice cream. I fed him his own ice cream and cake that Tim (Michele's husband) had made for him. We also had Dr. Thunder, Dad's beverage of choice. After I finished feeding him his cake and ice cream, we were just sitting there chatting and laughing. Ryan had decided he didn't want his ice cream so he pushed his plate to the center of the table. Pretty soon, Dad reaches over and pulls Ryan's plate in front of him. I gave him a spoon and he finished Ryan's ice cream (I had to help a little). He obviously could not get enough!

Dad

Jim and I went to see Dad today. It was one of the best days I have had seeing him, it was really hard to leave. I think if Jim hadn't been with me, I would have ended up staying most of the afternoon. Dad was awake and playing with his "toys" from his activity box. Mom had arranged for him to have stuff to keep his hands busy when he got antsy. I gave him an ice cream bar I had taken along with me. He "yummed" while he ate it. He was chatty and trying to tell us something. He even tried to sing. I have not seen him like this since he has been in care. It was rather enjoyable.

One of the funniest moments though, Jim told him, "Hey, Andy, I bought a Ford!" Dad got a huge smile on his face when he looked over at me. It is the one and only time I did not have my phone with me, I would have loved to taken his picture when he smiled like that. It was as though he knew that Jim was finally converted to Ford!!

I know that Dad does not have cognition of who we are and what we are doing there. I am just so thankful for the time I get to be with him. I cannot believe how much it gives me pleasure, it used to hurt so much to think of where he is at but now, my visiting him means more to me than it does for him. It is as though now I can tell him everything I want and it won't matter if it is good or bad, he doesn't get upset with me. I love him, he is a wonderful dad, I can't wait until we are all whole and spend eternity together.