Cooking 2015

As promised, I am cooking more at home and sharing the experience with you, my friend!

First off, I couldn't resist the making brownies in the crock pot.  I just used a mix, Ghirardelli brand with chocolate chips. I made it following the directions on the box and poured the batter into the crock pot. I think I should wash the outside of my crock pot, my mother would be mortified!

Four hours later, we had ooey gooey chewy brownies. DELICIOUS!

In order to use up some of the ham we had left over from before Christmas, I decided to make potatoes au gratin from a box. I hate those boxed potatoes but they were on sale at Woodmans so I caved.

Ryan informed me that he does not like ham and would not be eating any of this. I had made a double batch-bad plan. The potatoes tasted kind of strange, they had some odd flavor that none of us cared for. Dan thought I put cinnamon in them. I did not. The left-overs went to the garbage, but most actually did get eaten. Ryan had left-over goulash. He has been enjoying that for many meals since that was brought in when I was ill. 

Today, I had a plan. This is the important part of the whole process. I downloaded the All Recipes' app on my phone and iPad. This should help me at least find ideas and plan meals. 

Since we were going to a movie, I opted to use the crock pot once again. As you can see, I did not clean the outside. I may or may not do that. This is a cabbage roll. I prepared them just before we went to the movie and it was pretty simple. I have never made cabbage rolls before. So, for a first time, I think I did quite well. Primarily, it is a meatloaf or meatball wrapped in cabbage. I couldn't really even taste the cabbage. 

My final fun adventure for the day is the resurrection of my bread maker. It has sat unused for more than 14 years. I am pretty sure I have never used it since we moved into this house. It was long over due. Here is the mushroom cloud loaf that ended up tasting just awesome, like any warm homemade bread should and in my book is just a mode of transportation for butter. I need to make sure I give these loaves away if I start enjoying making bread too much. I don't need the weight back. 

So, there it is, my first food entry of the year. We will see how this goes. 

By the way, I am reading my One Year Bible. Still on track in that area too. 

We Are So Blessed

I have been churning thoughts over and over in my head ever since Dad died in October, finding time to put them all in order has been difficult. So, what's been happening since October 18?
First off, the death of my dad. I had gotten a call, one that I had been anticipating for year, honestly, often times hoping for it, on Monday, October 13.

"Andy has started to pocket his food and is not swallowing. We are unable to give him his medication and he cannot eat any longer." Words I knew I would one day hear. I had said the same exact thing to Renee years ago.

I said, "He will live as long as he eats, when he stops eating, it will be the end." It sounds so cold and calculated, but having resolved my dad's demise, it was words I knew would truly be the beginning of the journey Dad had lived for.

So, having received the call, I knew I had to notify the rest of the family. Tuesday I had a meeting at work and on my way home I noticed a call I had missed. I listened to the message and it was the doctor from the nursing home. I called him back. He informed me that Dad was actively dying, he wanted me to understand this, that it was only a matter of one to two weeks. He had lost his gag reflex and they could not safely feed him. Dad and Mom had years ago agreed to not supplement him with a feeding tube in order to extend his life. So, we wait. Dan, Jim and I went to the nursing home that afternoon to spend what we knew to be our last days with Dad. He was comfortable, sleeping quietly for the most part. I thought he looked better than he had for years. It was as though the battle was coming to an end, he was done being tormented by the disease that destroyed his earthly body.

Leila, Renee, and Matt all came over on Wednesday. We hung out with each other and with Dad. He didn't appear to know we were there but I know that if there was any miniscule amount of awareness and he could have known we were there, he would have been very happy. He loved us, he loved us being together, he loved us laughing and enjoying life. He would have been fulfilled. We talked to Kathy and with the distance and expense of coming up, we encouraged her to stay put in Texas until she came for the funeral. We didn't really know how long that would be and didn't feel an extra burden of getting here when Dad was not aware of us was really not necessary. We wait...

Leila planned on going home on Thursday and returning on Friday after work. With the uncertainty of the time, she changed her plan and just stayed on to be with Dad. It was really important to all of us that Dad not be alone when he passed into the next life. He didn't give us a clear picture of when that would be, he was such a strong man, we figured he would make it well through the weekend. Michele, Tim, Mike, Oliver and Elliott came over on Thursday. Once again, chaos of all of us being together began, and I knew Dad would be so happy.

On Friday, we all just kind of hung out. Didn't really know what to do. We waited.

On Saturday morning, I headed to work. I figured there was no reason to sit around and wait. I had arrived at work and heard that a former family that I had cared for their infant last year were in the hospital with their new baby. I cared for their little girl last year who lost her battle and was laid to rest in October of 2013. I rushed down to pay them my congratulations before my care times would start with the twin girls I was caring for that day. I went back up to the patient room of the twins and a co-worker came in the room. I usually don't have my phone in my pocket at work but with the chance of getting news, I had it with me. As Sue came in and asked me how my dad was doing, my phone rang. It was 8:30. I said, "It is the nursing home, I need to answer this." Having expected this call for years and even really aware of the closeness of it, I was shocked and sad to hear the words on the other end.

"Andy's heart stopped beating at 8:26. He has passed away." REALLY?????

"We wanted someone to be with him when he went!" I spoke from my heart and disappointment.

"We were here with him, he went peacefully," the nurse explained. I realized then, yes, they had not just been there for the end, but they had been there through the absolute worst days of Dad's life. They never really got to know my dad, they didn't get to understand his heart, the heart of a man who loved people and life and who had given so much of his life for others. But they were there, they cared for him for his physical needs that we as a family could never have managed. They treated him with dignity and compassion in a time when someone aware of himself would have felt embarrassed and humiliated. They were there...they deserved to be there.

I headed home and the time between then and November 1 when we had the service is a blur of planning and figuring how it would all come together. Family were coming from all over and figuring out where people would stay and how they would be fed all fell together because of the gracious offerings of many friends.

One of the things that I feared the longer Dad lived and  the more time passed from the time he was a vibrant member of society was that no one would really care that he was gone. I feared all who knew him would be so far removed from when he was important to them, no one would really care. I was so very wrong. People showed up from years ago, people who Dad had impacted over the years of his ministry here in Janesville. Even people from other areas where Dad had ministered notified us of their condolences. Then there were those who didn't even know him, but they knew us, they loved on us like I have never been loved on before. I felt humbled and so blessed to be a part of a huge family of Christian people who really do demonstrate the heart of Christ. There were meals, there were beds, there was sympathy cards, there were monetary gifts, and there were numerous words of comfort. I was prepared for my dad to die, I was not prepared for the outpouring of love when it happened.

November seems to have just vaporized. I had been getting treatment for a sore elbow since before Dad had died. I was in the middle of physical therapy treatments when all of the events surrounding his death occurred. By early December, I had not improved and my doctor suggested an MRI and a plan to take me off work in order to heal my tennis elbow. I agreed to have something done to make it better. I didn't want to be off work but I needed a fix, I had suffered long enough. So, I was scheduled for an MRI on December 10. I didn't get the news from the doctor until the following week but she wanted to take me off work and have me treated with a tenotomy. During the doctor's appointment when we decided I needed the MRI, I got a text from Jim. He had not been feeling well, I thought he had the same bug that had hit Ryan earlier in the week. The text informed me that he had taken an nitro. I was in Middleton, at least an hour from home and was in the exam room waiting to speak to the doctor. By the time I had gotten to the car, there was a text telling me that he had taken himself to the ER. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was in a safe place.

When I arrived in Edgerton ER, there were no answers at that point in time. We waited to hear. The doctor came in and gave us the good news/bad news. There was not an elevation in cardiac enzymes, but there was a response to cardiac meds. Meaning there was something wrong and Jim was to be admitted to Meriter and be observed. Jim went by ambulance and I headed home to get things packed and Ryan settled in at home. Jim spent the weekend in the hospital and on Monday went to the cath lab and had two more stents placed. This was good news, they were able to put stents in and we didn't have to plan on bypass surgery.

Through this time, once again, I felt an outpouring of love by my Christian family. We were loved on by a visit from our growth group on Saturday night. We were surprised we didn't get kicked out of the hospital for being too loud. It was good medicine for Jim. On Monday a friend, Kris Blank, came up to Madison and took me out to lunch. She didn't call and ask, she called and told me, she knew I needed to be out of the building for a bit and I needed some air and traction. She offered that, I am so blessed. Pastor Jason came and saw Jim and Jon Christiansen came up and gave Jim a ride home on Tuesday because I had to be at work. Jenni Jensen provided taxi service for Ryan going to work. WE ARE SO BLESSED!!

Jim was home, things were getting back to "normal". We decorated the house of Christmas, really decorated. Hosted a party on the 13th for friends and family. Had a great time.

We decided to go to Michigan for the weekend before Christmas. Had a great time (short) with the Gray/Ashton gang. Came home, which ended up being a long drive home and a stop at Woodfield Mall (unplanned).

Monday, I turned 54. I started feeling a sore throat. I knew, when I get a sore throat, I am going to be sick. I had no idea. I went for my tenotomy on Tuesday, felt sickly but needed to get it done. I was already missing work. Came home and went right to bed. I didn't really get up for more than opening gifts until Saturday. I was very  sick. It was a combination of being sick, taking pain medicine, throwing up from taking pain medicine, taking more pain medicine, for the pain, being sick, a vicious cycle. On Sunday I knew there was no way I could be upright and able to function. So, once again, my Christian family came through for me and fulfilled my duties at church for me. I AM SO BLESSED!

So, today is the second day I am actually up for a full day. We did make a run down to spend some time with Kathy and Bob as they were in Bloomington to visit Bob's family. I laid pretty low through that time as I had no energy or drive. My time with Kathy was pretty boring, but valuable since it was sister time. We met with Renee and Bruce on Sunday for lunch. It took all I had in me to stay upright.

I had two friends provide meals for me during my illness, thank you so much, Susie Whitson and Jan Zoellner for "feeding" us. WE ARE SO BLESSED!

Today was celebration Sunday. Today was the day I decided I needed to get this stuff written down. I am sorry if you have made it to this part. I didn't plan on writing a novel, just lots has happened. But, today in church I realized how vitally important my dad and his influence upon my life is. That truth came so alive today. I was reminded of the promise I made when Dad died. Dad always read his Bible, every day, without fail. He set such an example and one I really haven't followed. When he died, I decided it was time for me to honor him and start reading the Bible, just reading the Bible daily. Not a study, just the WORD. I started back in November and have kept up. So, now that it is the new year, it isn't a resolution for me to read the Bible in a year, it is just a continuation of what I started in honor of my dad. I was reminded of the power of the Word today when a gentleman from church gave his testimony of finding his way to a relationship with Jesus by picking up a Bible he had gotten as a child and how he just started reading it. It is powerful, it is life giving, it is now a part of my everyday life. Thankful to my Dad, to the value he put in the Word of God and how he lived as an example.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far, you should get a badge!!

Dad's Eternal Home

Three weeks ago today, my dad breathed his final breath. He was born, from time into eternity. He passed quietly and without any fanfare on this side of Heaven, but I am sure there was rejoicing on the other side when he arrived.

One vision that stands so clear in my memory of my dad is one where he is holding the screen door open wide on the house on Grant, where I grew up, and his smile is as wide as his face and his eyes and countenance are welcoming someone. That is how he was, he loved to have people come into our home, he entertained some, he comforted some, he counselled some, he tolerated some, but he welcomed all. He was that kind of man. I know without a doubt he is standing in wait for those of us who are still on this side of Heaven.

I know my dad loved me. He wasn't one to tell us that on a regular basis. In fact, I am not sure I ever heard those three words directed specifically toward me. His love language was not the spoken word, his love was an action word.

Dreams

Ok, as promised, the rest of the story!

I woke up this morning and remembered what I was dreaming during the night. The first part of the dream ( because most of my dreams are multi-faceted) started with Jim driving his truck in rainy hilly roads and me following somewhat close behind. Weird thing though, I was not driving, I was riding and Ryan was driving. I was firmly telling him to slow down, stop for stop signs, watch the road, etc. etc. Then I realized that we were not anywhere near home. We were travelling home from Iowa, but not on a road we would normally be on. I had no idea where we were needing to make a turn to head north to get from Illinois to home. I wanted to text Jim to tell him to tell me where we needed to go, then realized that he could not text me while he was driving. I pulled out a map (who has those anymore) and realized where we were and how we needed to get home, all this while living in fear of riding in a vehicle with Ryan as the driver.

It gets worse, if you can imagine!!!

We are now home, I get up out of bed and head to the bathroom. As I walk across the floor, there is an orange worm like creature crawling on the floor. It has black antennae and looked like a rubber ball but more tubular. It was BIG. I started screaming and jumped up on the bathroom counter. Jim came in to kill the creature. He started hitting it with something, I am not sure what. Every time he hit it, it multiplied. He kept hitting it and I kept screaming telling him that hitting it was making it multiply. (I love stating the obvious...especially to Jim) So, thankfully, I woke up. Jim said I was not screaming out loud but man, I felt like I had just run a race I was so out of breath and shaken.


This is kind of what the thing looked like, only it was more oblong. It was bright orange.

Tomorrow I Wear Black

I am not able to attend the Celebration service for Rosemary Mielke, however, I will be celebrating. "Black?" you say.  "Yes, black!"  I read the announcement for the service and at the very end it said, "No black." My immediate thought was, yes, she would not want anyone wearing a sad countenance represented by the color black. However, I would have to be the exception. Years ago, I was with Rosemary in the spring in Florida. She got dressed for church and had this WILD black outfit that I just loved. I knew it was still at Kohl's. So, when I got home, I went and got the very same outfit. I never wore that I didn't think of her. I have actually lost enough weight that the outfit was in a pile to get rid of. Thankfully, I am a chronic procrastinator and I was able to pull that outfit out of the pile.

So, tomorrow morning, when I get up I will wear black. Not to mourn the loss of my dear friend, but to celebrate her life. To celebrate how she lived life to the fullest. We are only temporarily apart and will be together some day. I can't wait to see what she does to the place!

Friday??

I thought I should hit the blog again, I have been meaning to get here but have been too busy trying to beat the next level of Candy Crush Saga that I haven't had the time. But, it is Friday night, Jim was watching football (which is my favorite sport--but for some reason I don't feel like watching it) and I had nothing much better to do as I await a reload of life on CCS!!

I was talking to a parent today and thought of a story I had to share before I get too old to remember and don't have it stored in permanent history. When Dan was in kindergarten, the first Friday he and I walked into the house and Jim was on the phone. I could tell he was talking to the kindergarten teacher. I said to Dan, "Do you know who Daddy is talking to?" He replied that he did not. I told him it was Mrs. Hutson He got a shocked look on his face and I thought remorseful. However, I was mistaken because his reply was, "Well, next year, I am not giving them my phone number."

Right then, I knew full well that I was in trouble. The next 12 years or so, I came to realize that the conversation that day was just the beginning. But, looking back now, I cannot believe the accomplishments that Dan has done. He graduated from high school, stayed at home and completed his first two years of school at the local university extension, then went on to the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater where he is about to complete his degree in history with plans to go into education. He doesn't really share his long term plan with me, but he has talked about taking the LCAT. If I am not mistaken, that has something to do with law...I am very proud of the young man he has become.

My Weight Loss Journey

This has been a long long journey and I don't feel anywhere close to the end of the road. I think the road will be one I travel for the rest of my life.

Where did it all begin?

I thought that once I hit 50 I would never be able to lose weight again, that I was destined to be FAT for the rest of my life. I didn't really even want to attempt another try at losing weight and keeping it off. I knew how to lose weight, I had lost the same 30-40 pounds many times. Why they kept finding me again is something I cannot figure out. I would get frustrated with none of my clothes fitting and then somehow clothes would show up in my closet that fit me. ( I think I may have bought them)

I don't hate to exercise, I have tried to have a routine most of my adult life. That has been hit or miss along the way too. I am not sure why I walk away from exercising on a regular basis, either I am bored or I just feel like the time commitment is too much. I like a variety of exercise and I do want to try new things and am willing to try different ways to exercise.

So, when my sister Kathy lost 50 pounds using Weight Watchers, I decided if she could do it, I could do it, after all, she has 7 years on me. Last April, shortly after this picture was taken, I joined Weight Watchers. I was faithful. I went every week, made sure there was time in my schedule to go every week, even if I had to go at different times. I just knew I had to be accountable to the meeting. But mostly, I had to be accountable to ME. If I let myself step away, I knew it would be hard to go back again. 

In May, I decided that in order to save my joints and enjoy exercising, I needed a bike. I went to Michael's Cycles and told them I was in need of a bike for leisurely riding. I had no idea that my riding would be anything but leisurely. I started riding my bike and thanks to the drought of 2012, I never had to miss riding due to wet weather. In fact, it only rained on me one time all summer while I was out. I rode that bike almost every day. Sometimes it was a short ride and sometimes it was a long ride. Sometimes it was a really long ride. Every time it was a GREAT ride (well, except for a couple where I thought I was going to puke).  My favorite story is the one where I was feeling really good and thought I should just go to the next road up before I made my turn toward home. I turned on the road, started going down hill quite quickly and realized that what goes down must go up....looked forward and realized I had a long way up in order to make it home. I couldn't do that, I had to get off and walk. The second hill was the killer and there was a guy in a truck who came by and offered help. I assured him I would make it, and I did. By the end of the summer, that was an easy ride. (I cannot wait until I get out there again) I also was working nights last summer and one day I woke up and said to myself, "If it is less than 100 degrees, I am going out." I looked at the weather on my phone and it was 99. I hit the road. It was hard and I was pouring my water over me by the time I was heading home, but I made it. 

Along the way, I had vacation that interrupted my progress. I ended up gaining 5 pounds during the week we were gone. The WW leader told me the average person gains 5-10 pounds over vacation. I was glad to be on the bottom side of average. I knew I could get it off, and within two weeks, I was well on my way to losing again. 

When it got too cold to be outside riding my bike, I knew I had to go to another method of exercise. I had joined a gym, but found that was just too much of a pain to try to arrange time to go. Exercising at home was the best answer for me. So, I dug out the exercise video I had bought over a year ago and decided to try them out. It has been awesome. I love working out in my basement. I sweat A LOT and love feeling like my workout is a worth my efforts. 

By Christmas, I was feeling pretty good about my weight loss. 

New Year's Eve, I ate way too much junk and realized that my choices of overeating was not even enjoyable any more. I was miserable and promised myself not to ever do that again. No matter how good the food tastes, over eating and indulging in carbohydrates was not something I would do again. 

I started going to Zumba with a friend. We hired a trainer and have been working on getting in shape for some races. 

So, nearly 50 pounds lighter, I am feeling great.  I ran my first 5K last Saturday. Well, I should say, participated in my first one. My time was better than I expected and I loved every second of the race. 

My new shoes for my first run.

 It has been a long year. The journey continues. Hopefully, now that I have made the year mark, I can keep on going. I still have weight to lose, but I am not as worried about getting large amounts off. I know it is a one day at a time, sometimes one bite at a time. One food choice at a time. One clothing size at a time. But it can be done. I hope that I have encouraged others to head in the direction of health and feeling good.