Copied from a Facebook Post

Sorry this is not an original post, but I thought it was too good not to have saved somewhere other than on my phone. We all know how reliable that can be. It was posted on the Hope After Grief page on Facebook by Gail Carico Bryant. 

 "In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, 'What kind of man are you looking for?' She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, 'Do you really want to know?' Reluctantly he said, 'Yes.' She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man. 'What can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills, I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, What can you bring to the table?' The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms and asked her to explain. She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster, I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest, and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect in order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. And by the way, I am not looking for him...he will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I cant help a man if he can't help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.' She replied, 'I am worth a lot!'" 

 As a widow, I think this is a very good message to tell myself. I think after being married most of my life, I forget what it is that I really need to be looking at and not settling for something less than perfect for me. Thanks for reading. I will be trying to update some of my own thoughts this coming week.

An Early Lesson in Thankfulness

I wanted to be sure to add being thankful to my new year's daily routine. I got an early start this past week. I have been struggling since September with some pretty annoying shoulder pain. I have gone along with all the suggestions of my medical providers. However, little improvement has happened. So, I am continuing on with the treatment plan. So, Wednesday I was scheduled for an MRI. Being in pain for several months and trying to do normal everyday activities with a gimpy shoulder is pretty annoying. I have always said I could take anything as long as it doesn't involve pain. I completed my scan and was waiting to get into the dressing room to leave. As I was seated on the chair, I observed another woman who was preparing to go in for her scan. Let me tell you, it caused me to pause and thank God for my health and that I was only there for a sore shoulder. This woman had very little hair on her head, so, I assume a chemo/radiation patient. It was hard not to also notice the large scar on her scalp and a big indentation in her skull. (I wasn't staring-I observe things quickly) The woman was probably younger than me, walking with a walker. Despite all of the issues that she was certainly facing, she had a sweet spirit and was very pleasant. I could not blame her for being bitter and complaining, but she did not. It woke me up to a realization, I need to remember to be always grateful for my health, despite pain and annoyances. So, I am starting early.

Looking Forward to the New Year

Well, to say 2020 has been a year to remember would be a huge understatement Maybe we would be better saying it would be a good year to forget. We all feel the same sentiment and for various reasons. We have given up so much of what we used to take for granted, all for the sake of preventing a viral spread. Some have gone to huge extremes to prevent giving or getting, others have tried to maintain some type of normalacy. I am not here to judge either choice, I just recognize the two extremes (or more) that exist. But, that is not the subject for this entry. The subject is, the future. What is next? What is a plan? Last year I put a challenge out to have several people join me in reading through the Bible in the year using the plan that I have used the last several years. Well, like most things in 2020, not many stuck with the plan and completed it. Maybe 2021 will be your year?!?! I will be putting the challenge out again soon. If 2020 taught us nothing else, it did teach us that we have plenty of time to read the Bible for 20-30 minutes a day. Perhaps the reason we are going through all of this was to get us to prioritize our time and do this. Feeling guilty for not doing this? Good. I want you to. If that is a driving force that works for you, then I am sending it all to you. Please get on board with this plan (or one of your own) of spending time daily in reading the Word and filling your mind with good things. This is the best thing you can fill your mind with. But, now, on to my 2021 plan. This came to me very recently and if I don't record it and make myself accountable to someone, I may not succeed. Or, perhaps I won't even remember that I had a plan. I have been working hard at filling my mind with good things, finding books about better nutrition and making good choices in life. There is a lot of other noise that I am trying hard to quiet so that my mind is not filled with damaging thoughts. I had read the book, "Switch On Your Brain" by Dr. Caroline Leaf over a year ago. At the end of the book she offers a 21 day detox plan. I didn't do it at the time I originally read the book. I procrastinated on that in order to do it at time that I was really ready to take on the challenge. Well, unfortanately, my procrastination turned into a complete forgetting that I was going to someday do it. Lately I have listened to several "experts" on health and periodically Dr. Leaf is either mentioned or a guest speaker. Then, there arrives a podcast hosted by her also. With all of this new exposure, I pulled out my book and decided I really do need to jump in and do the exercises she suggests. One of the guest she had on her podcast talked about having an attitude of graditude. (I hate rhyming phrases-I think they are hokey) He said that he had interviewed some people who were successful and at peace and their bottom line was daily finding something to be grateful for. So, here I am, step one, read and complete the 21 day detox plan. Step 2- daily find something to be truly grateful for.(I am going to record them) My step 3 is something that came to me just this week while visiting with my oldest living relative. My aunt Phyllis showed me a book she had near her on her kitchen table and it was just a simple planner in which she recorded what happened each day. Not every day had an entry, but many did. As I looked at her entries, I felt challenged to do the same. I have relied on my memory for most of my life and not really ever recorded things. I had been acused by my late husband of having too good of a memory for unimportant details. Well, I am going to give up on trusting my own memory and start doing like Aunty Phyllis and record each day what it is that was significant (or not) for that day. So, there you have it. My plan. Now, on this date next year, hopefully I can look back and see that I accomplished my goal.

Driving Lessons

 No, don't be fooled by the title, I am neither taking or giving driving lessons, I am learning from driving some life lessons, I thought I would share. 

Yesterday I was driving home from a less than pleasant appointment with my therapist-there, I said it, I am seeing someone. I really need to, it has help immensely to get me through the tough times of my life without a partner. So, I am driving along in my new car-there, I said it, I have a new car (I haven't told a lot of people that because frankly, I didn't need a new car and feel stupid to have gone out and justified getting one.) The car has some new features that I am still getting used to. Jim had wanted me to have a car that had every imaginable safety feature on it-one of my justification points. This car has adaptive cruise control. If you don't know what that is, let me explain. It is optional when you use your cruise control to set it to slow down if you are approaching a vehicle that is moving slower than you. It takes the common sense approach to driving in that it keeps you from getting into someone's trunk unintentionally. The drawback is, the driver either pays attention and makes adjustments, or the car does it for you by slowing you down whether you want it to or not. There are other features in this car that make it so safe, I will not expound. 

Yesterday as I was driving home on the interstate, I had the adaptive cruise control on. I noticed there were several cars in the lane in front of me that had slowed down. I decided that the speed of the cars in front of me were reacting to heavier traffic, construction, trucks, or some other good reason to be slowing. I let the car do its thing. Granted, let me assure you, this whole event took maybe 20 seconds tops, I didn't just sit there and let my car decide everything for me. As I drove, I realized the left lane was moving right along, no slowing, no traffic, nothing. So, I changed lanes. The car adjusted to the set speed and I was on my way. I looked over in the right lane as I passed two cars driving slower than the posted speed. No reason that I could see. I drove a little further and then the message hit me. 

We tend to do this in life. We sit in the comfort of the right lane, we allow someone else to decide for us what speed we move at. We don't assess the situation and adjust ourselves, we just keep going along-or, we change lanes. I realized how too many times I am that person in the car in the right lane, letting the car decide for me what is best. I am trying very hard to change the lane I am in. I must admit, this is hard. It is easier to just keep riding along, going with the flow, accepting what is handed to me. However, is that getting me to where I really need to be? It may lead there, but it might not be the best way to get there. 

I think God gave me that word picture so that I would start to look at what He wants for me that is not the same old thing, not the slowing down because there is an obstacle in front of me. Do I need to change lanes? Do you need to change lanes? It isn't easy, it may lead to something we don't expect, but it also may get us to where we need to be with less time and energy expended. 

I am going to start praying that God shows me the lane I am to be in and gives me the strength to get there and stay there. 

How I Learned How to Pray-(Confessions of a second grader)

 I was a second grader. I had a teacher who every morning would ask some of the students individually and in front of the class what time they went to bed the night before. Now I get it, bedtime and sleep are so important for a growing brain and and vital in helping to use that brain better. Do you know, that was over 50 years ago and the thoughts of that particular exercise is all I remember learning in second grade? 

Because, I had parents who didn’t stress an early bedtime. I usually went to bed by 10:00 pm and rarely before that. It worked, I always felt rested when I awoke in the morning. I was really fine. Then, the dreaded question. If I was the “elected” one, I so dreaded telling her that I ended my previous day at 10:00 pm instead of her recommended 8:00 pm. Usually my stomach was in knots every morning as I waited to see who was going to be interrogated. 

I am writing this to tell you what I learned in second grade. I learned how not to pray. Yes, you may think that something so traumatic would make me become really good at praying. I would every night go to bed and really beg God that Mrs. Davis (and why can I remember her name?) would not ask me the “question”. That was the only thing I consistently prayed for. Every night, without fail. So, why do I say I learned how not to pray? My observation was this. If I prayed for her not to ask me what time I went to bed and that was the only thing I asked God for before falling asleep, she did not end up asking me the dreaded question. However, if I prayed for her not to ask me what time and that I would be a good student, or that I would have a chance to share my faith with someone, or any number of other requests that I had to ask God for, I would be the one. 

My prayer life as a second grader morphed into more like a rubbing of a genie lamp. It became superstitious. A sort of “if-then” game that seemed to work through the whole year. 

I wonder what I missed. I wonder still what a person is supposed to learn in second grade. There is only one other moment I recall from that year in school; a classmate reading in front of the class was suddenly in a puddle. I do wonder if she had felt the same shame and embarrassment that I had felt being quizzed in front of the class about what time I went to bed. 

I do know what I learned not based on curriculum. I learned a few things. I could not control what time I went to bed if I happened to be out with my parents. I was the youngest child and often times I was with my parents when they would go visit people in the evenings. We didn’t get back home many times before the chosen bedtime of Mrs. Davis. My dad was a pastor, my parents poured into people’s lives and often times that required spending evenings visiting other people in their homes. I didn’t have a choice of going or not going. So, I had no control. I was not in a position to tell my parents that Mrs. Davis requires that I get to bed by 8:00 pm and that they needed to cut their time short as they were possibly hearing the heartfelt concerns of the people they were ministering to. 

I also learned that a person can have a huge impact upon one’s life without really even knowing it. Did Mrs. Davis cause me to want to go to bed by her chosen time? No! I never considered changing my habits based on her questioning. I only relied on my trusting that if I never asked God for anything else, He would give me the desired response. She taught me the wrong thing about God, I learned how to put limits on what I could ask Him for and shrunk Him down to a human sized figure that really could not multi-task. 

I don’t think I ever told my parents about the frustration and the painfully embarrassing encounters I had in front of my class. If I had, they probably would have brushed it off as something I would just be able to handle. I did handle it, although maybe not the correct way. I developed a prayer life of knowing God was too small to be able to answer more than one thing I prayed for. If I asked for anything else, inevitably she would find me and ask the dreaded question. 

Thankfully, I passed the second grade and moved on to a teacher who didn’t ask any pointed dreaded questions. But more importantly, over the years, I came to realize how big my God really is and how He can handle whatever I throw at Him. Did he take me through the second grade to develop me into a person of prayer? Was there a bigger purpose that I was supposed to be a part of? 

Since the second grade, I would not even be able to start at telling you all of the prayers I have prayed and how God has answered them. Sometimes, when the prayers are not answered according to what I think is best, I will catch myself thinking I could have asked for too much. Maybe if I had stressed this one thing, it would have gone the way I thought it should. 

Thankfully, that is not how God works. He loves us, He knows what is best for us. He understands our misunderstandings. He doesn’t allow us to go places that would cause harm when we think we know what is best. My list is never too big for Him. 

Meat Loaf

I want to call this killer meat loaf...if you know me well, you know why. This is copied from a church cookbook and Terri Howard was the originator of the recipe. I have to give her credit. I have used this recipe hundreds of times (maybe I am exaggerating, but oh well!)

2 eggs beaten
2/3 c. milk
2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
3-6 crumbled crackers (I have used bread crumbs too)
1 onion, chopped
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 pounds ground beef

Mix separately:
1/2 c. catsup
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. yellow mustard


Combine eggs, milk, salt, pepper, crumbs. Add onion, cheese, and ground beef. Mix well. Pack into loaf pan. Top with catsup mixture and bake at 350℉ for one hour. Makes 8 servings

I hope you enjoy.

Yard Ornaments

So, here is the story about the water spout yard lights that I have just created.

About 3 years ago, Jim found this idea on the internet about making these yard ornaments that look like a water spout. He showed the picture to me and told me he was going to make some for our yard. We went to Home Depot where we spent way too much money (in my opinion) for the supplies. We brought them home and put them in the garage. The box sat there. I reminded Jim that the supplies were there and he should do it. The more I reminded him, the more he assured me he would get to it sometime.

Well, sometime never came. I had forgotten about it until about a month ago when I saw the box in the garage. Then a couple of weeks ago I decided I should start organizing some of the stuff in the garage and make some room for other things. I found the box. I looked and thought about him not finishing this project and how disappointed I was that he hadn't finished it before he died. Then I thought there was a possibility that I could make them. So, I searched the internet for a plan and found one. I realized how easy the project was. However, I had the supplies for two and I somehow broke the light wire on the second one. So, I had to scrap it. I knew that would not be acceptable for Jim, he would have wanted two. So, I ordered lights and bought one piece I needed that I could not salvage from the other one. I completed it today and it has a different type of light that has settings that change. I am so pleased with the second one and thrilled with the type of lights I was able to find. So, I will just say this, the first one was Jim's and the second was mine...mine is better ;-)

Thanks for reading.