Puzzling Thoughts

I am taking a brief break from the hours upon hours that I have been putting puzzles together in order to get some of my thought down on paper. The thoughts are coming faster than the pieces to the puzzles but like pieces to a puzzle, they can get lost or misplaced. That is why I need to start here with these things.

I have been using my "spare" time during the quarantine to put together puzzles. First off, I didn't even have one. Lesson in life. If you want to put a puzzle together, you have to have one. Fortunately, a friend felt bad for me and sent me one by Amazon. When I looked at the puzzle, it was perfect for me. It was a picture of a craft room-a messy one at that. Just like mine. So, first puzzle had some very significant items that indicated it was "my" puzzle. I have spent the past several years doing quilting. There were quilts in the picture. There was a cat, a teapot and cup, butterflies and a clock. There was a lot of purple. So many things that connected to me, it was perfect.

So, with that puzzle, being the first, I decided to do in my bedroom. It was the only room that I could close the door and prevent the cats from thinking they needed to help when I was not at home. I began. I found all but one edge piece. I was convinced that piece was missing. How much is life like that? We get the edges all put together and feel like we are in a really good place, but there is something missing. Just one piece that makes the rest of the progress slow or you worry about that one piece. What if the manufacturer forgot it? What if it doesn't exist? It really takes a lot of trust and really faith to even start a puzzle. We start thinking all of the pieces are there, hoping, trusting. See, you need faith even to begin.

When I realized there was an edge piece missing, my sister told me, "It will show up. Just keep going." That was great sisterly advice. How often in life have we needed a sister to tell us to just keep going, keep moving forward? I have certainly needed that in more than just waiting for a puzzle piece, I have needed others to hold me up and keep me focused when giving up would have been a lot easier.

Now, back to the puzzle in the bedroom issue. That was the one and only time I did that. I decided I could check the floor for pieces that the cats would possibly knock down. Why? Because that puzzle called my name at night when I really needed to be sleeping. One night it would not let me rest until 4 am. Well, I learned quickly that I needed to put some distance between me and the puzzle. I moved to the living room for the next one.

Sometimes we look at the big picture. Sometimes we look at the one piece. Our focus changes with where we are at a particular time. Staring at the finish helps us to know what it is supposed to look like in the end, but if we only look at the completed project, we don't necessarily notice the really fine details that determine where the piece goes.

I assume the puzzle designer never expects the participant to put the puzzle together without being able to see the original picture.  Sometimes the box only has part of the picture, sometimes they add a picture to the puzzle of the complete puzzle without the boxes distorted one. God doesn't expect us to put our own life together based on not knowing what the original looks like. We really are the puzzle and He is putting us together.

I have yet to have a puzzle put itself together. I have to put the pieces on the table and start by placing them where they need to go. Unlike God, I cannot know exactly what piece goes where, sometimes I am completely convinced that  piece goes in a specific spot. It fits what seems like perfectly, then, when I try to put another piece there, I find there is not a piece to fit. I could force it to work my way, and what would the finished product look like? I don't even want to know, it would be a mess, for sure. But, when I remove that wrongly placed piece and put in the right one, the picture continues toward perfection. I liken this to people or situations in my life that seemingly fit. It looks like a perfect match, surely that person belongs there or that job, or that activity, etc. Then, I am made aware that it is ill placed. It doesn't go there. Sometimes removing the wrong piece is really hard. It sticks together and you really have to pull to get it off of there. That is like life. I tend to cling to the things that God is trying to remove. It is a painful process of removal.

So, here I am, this many years later from the quarantine puzzle period. Life has certainly taken on pieces I never expected. I wish I had kept up on all of the "puzzle" lessons I learned back then. I ended up with putting together a total of 13 puzzles. In fact, I believe I put the last one together then night before my shoulder surgery. That night was the first night I actually spoke directly with Michael via text. He called me that next morning prior to my surgery, and the rest is history. 

Heavy Nurse Heart

 I usually am pretty light hearted on my Facebook page. I try not to get too heavy. I save that for here, because if you are reading this, then you probably really care about what I say. (That's an assumption!)

I have been a nurse for over 39 years.  I have for many of those years worked in the area of maternal health, which means, labor-delivery, post-partum, nursery, and NICU. I have seen just about everything a person can imagine in those years. Thankfully, I did not see what some in my profession saw this past weekend. I have never seen a co-worker gunned down by a visiting "father". (We usually called that type a sperm donor-and not affectionately).  That has to be one of the most horrific events ever. 

When police take their job, there is an expectation of danger. When firemen take their job, there is also an understood threat of danger. But, nurses?? We should not have to go to work in fear for our lives. But, I know for a fact, we often do. There have been many times in my years of working in hospitals that there is a noticeable lack of security, lack of authority given to those hired to keep the hospital safe. I have spent many years complaining about the lack of security. Hospitals talk about it, but they never really expect it, so it is not as important as it should be.  A piece of plexiglass will not keep us safe. Allowing every person in is not safe. 

I recall one incident where I was not there at the time, only heard about it third hand, but knew it was factual. The police were called for a threatening individual and someone, who knows who, decided that we didn't really need them and sent them away. The man was threatening lives!! It happens, it's a real thing, and now in Dallas, the threat was carried out.  

Please, wake up. We need stricter laws of keeping violent prisoners where they belong. We need better security in hospitals. We need every security officer to be properly trained and armed. It is only right. 

Thanks for listening to my rant. 

A Child's Voice

 I was reading a devotional last week by Matthew West and something in that post made me think about what our voice sounds like to God. You know, if you are a parent of a young child or if you ever were, one of the first things that you get so excited about is hearing that child's voice. The simple cry at the birth or the screams that come when you cannot figure out what the baby is trying to say. At times unnerving I am sure for a new parent. The child is trying to tell you something that you’re  unable to comprehend. As the child grows and develops some sounds that resemble words, you either know what they are saying, or you guess. Funny side note, when Ryan came to visit us while we waited for him to be permanently placed with us, he would keep saying, "Huggie, huggie." We all assumed he was just this loving bundle of joy and we would hug him. Weeks into the process it became clear to us that his words were, "Hungry, hungry." OOOPS. (The foster mom wondered about our ability to parent...and so did we!) 

The other day I was in the office and heard a child's voice out in the waiting room. I thought, "That is the most precious sounding little voice." The child was just talking. Probably not saying anything of great significance, but the sound of the voice caused me to pause. It was such an epiphany. I dare you to try and not smile just a smidge when you hear a tiny voice coming out of a tiny body. It is such a sweet innocent sound. Then I thought of my Heavenly Father. Imagine all the times we have "talked" to Him and how he feels. If that small voice of that child stirred my heart like it did and I am made in the image of God, imagine just how excited God gets when he hears the voice of His own children! He loves us, He loves our voice, He loves our tears, He loves our concerns, HE LOVES US!!! And our voice is sweet music to His ears. 

The other amazing thing, do you always understand what a child says? No, just like the "huggie" up above, I did not understand. But God understands the words that we can't even bring to expression ourselves. He has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit who will speak on our behalf when our words can't even be expressed by our mouths or our minds. What an awesome experience. 

So, next time you hear a young child speak, remember, your Heavenly Father wants to hear that from you. He is waiting to have that kind of relationship with you. Chatter away!!

I HATE Waiting!

 Don't you just go crazy when you have to wait for something? In this instant gratification world we live in, waiting has become one of the hardest disciplines to practice. Sometimes the wait is understood, sometimes it is down right annoying. For instance, I have a very old computer that works just fine, except for the initial getting on. It takes forever. This morning I wiggled the mouse, waking up the computer, then went and microwaved my coffee (the invention that probably started this whole instant gratification life). When I got back to my computer, I had another minute ~or maybe even minute and a half to wait for the rest of the boot up to complete. I have gotten used to it, annoying as it may be. 

Another waiting story. Back in October or so, I was involved in an accident of sorts. My car was hit in the parking lot of Walmart. No one was hurt. I was in the store and unaware of the incident. When I got out to my car there were several people waiting to tell me what had happened. We got it all pretty much settled that day. The driver gave me her insurance information and I told her I would pursue it at home. I saw very little, if any, damage on my car. But, I called Geico anyway. You know how they say on there advertisement, "15 Minutes can save you 15%?" I think that is only if you are looking to pay them. I sat on the phone for well over the estimated 45 minutes. It was at one hour when I decided I had suffered through enough "hold" music and I gave up. I thought I would try at a different time of day another day only to have the same thing happen. I gave up completely. Eventually, so as not to keep you wondering, they contacted me and I was well compensated for the "damage" to my car. But, that wait was just nothing short of annoying. 

All of this to be reminded of one other thing in regard to waiting. Have you ever asked Jesus to forgive your sins? That is the one thing that you NEVER have to wait for. He does it as soon (probably even before) you ask. When your heart starts to realize you are a sinner in need of a savior. He is already standing there, forgiveness in His hands, ready to give it to you. It is the most instant event you can experience. You don't have to jump through hoops, you don't have to wait on hold, you don't even have to punch in the time  (as on a microwave). You just have to barely come to the realization that you need salvation and it is already there. 

I am reminded of the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. "And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son and embraced him." The father didn't sit on his porch and say, "Oh, look, there he is, that wayward no good son of mine. I am going to sit here and wait for him to come to me, he can work his way back into my good graces. I will not only wait, I will make him wait for me to see enough improvement and then I will forgive him." Not at all, he jumped up and ran. No wait, no questions, no condemnation, just forgiveness. That is the picture of your Heavenly Father. He is waiting on you, but you will never ever have to wait on Him for forgiveness.

I hope you do surrender your life and fine the fulfillment you desire. 

A Loss and A Letter

 Today I received the sad news that my mom's sister Marlene died. She has been struggling the past several years with health issues. Sadly, yesterday that struggle ended and we lost another member of my mom's family. 

As I prepared for the news this week, I knew it was coming, I was reminded of a letter I wrote to Marlene just after my husband Jim died. I wanted her to know the truth, I wanted to be sure it was crystal clear. I don't know today if the message got to her heart and what she did with it. I do know I did what God wanted me to do in telling her this message. 

I want to share this letter here, so that I will never be accountable for not giving the message to all who will listen. If you read this letter and get to the end wondering where you stand, please contact me. I will help you find the path. 

If there was one thing I ever wanted my mom to be proud of me for, it would be that she would be proud that I shared Jesus and especially to her family. 

Here is the letter:

"Dear Marlene,

As I think about the shortness of life in the aftermath of Jim’s death, I feel a strong sense of urgency to explain what our life is really all about. I know that in 1959 your sister had a life changing experience and that was probably met with some confusion and skepticism that has lasted many years. I would like to take one more opportunity to explain exactly what took place in Mom and Dad’s lives so many years ago.

When Babe was killed, Mom realized life is but a vapor. Time is short and there is something beyond the grave. What Mom and Dad did at that time was ask Jesus to become the center of their lives, forgive their sins, and reward them with eternal life in Heaven. God did that. They became new creations at the moment they prayed that prayer. They didn’t become perfect, by any means, they only became forgiven followers of Jesus. They lived with hope of a new home when this one was done. 

I cannot continue in my life without telling the story of redemption and forgiveness. It was easy for me to follow the path to Christ because I had parents to direct me that way. However, God has no grandchildren. I cannot get to Heaven based on what Mom and Dad did. My relationship with Jesus is mine alone. No one else could make that decision for me, and although I look like a good person and haven’t really lived a life of question, I came to Christ as a filthy rotten sinner who needed Him to forgive my sin and give me the promise of life with Him. 

Jim made that decision in 1989, he came as a filthy rotten sinner, and asked Jesus to forgive him of his sin and be his Savior. Because of that decision, he lived a life as a new creation in Jesus. I didn’t know him much before he made that change, but people that did tell me of a man who was completely changed, unrecognizable at times. Jesus is the reason Jim had the change. 

So, I wanted to tell you this without it coming from my mouth so that I wouldn’t stumble over words and so that in the quietness of your time here, you can reflect on what I am saying. I would be remiss to not share the message as clearly as I can. 

When God created the earth, it was perfect. In Genesis 3, Eve listened to the lie of Satan and ate of the forbidden fruit. That is the start of the story of Jesus. It was now necessary for life to be sacrificed to cover the sin. It began there with animals to cover their nakedness and continued until Jesus became the perfect sacrifice by living a life without sin and sacrificing His life on the cross. He took upon Himself our sin in order that we could enter into a relationship with God the Father, that is the one and only way that we will find salvation. 

The Bible states that all of us have sinned and we fall short, we miss the mark. The payment for that sin is death, not physical, but spiritual. But the gift that God gives us is eternal life through Jesus. Even while we continue to live a life of sin, Jesus died for us. 

It is a simple and free gift. All that one needs to do is ask Jesus to come and be Lord and Savior of their life and forgive their sin. It is just that simple. 

Please take this letter in love, I hope you make that decision to ask the Lord in, you will never regret it. 

Lovingly, 

Christine"

That NEVER Happens!!

Two comments people keep making over and over again to me are, "I like your hair" and "That never happens!" 

Well, the hair thing, although I usually follow with, "It's natural" and get a laugh, that is really something I do control-with the help of my wonderful cosmetologist.  The second statement, I have to say, I completely agree and know beyond any doubt, that NEVER happens.

Why did this seemingly impossible thing happen to us? There are many explanations and luck is not one of them. Timing on our part was not one of them. Good fortune based on mankind's workings, not it. It happened for one reason (or several wrapped in the skin of one). GOD! 

Yes, He bought our house for us. He planned and ordained the house, even long before we ever even had a thought of uprooting and moving to Corpus Christi (The body of Christ). 

It all started around the first of July when we started looking at houses. We had a realtor who was willing to do house tours with us over Facetime. So, we started with that. We toured  a total of 3 houses and felt we were really getting nowhere. The realtor suggested we wait until we were able to come down and actually do walk throughs in person. We felt this was good advice and in no way an excuse not to work hard for us on her part. Along with the advice of Linda (our realtor) I also felt that God was telling me to wait. But not just wait, trust. I have never been one to really talk about God talking to me. I have never heard an audible voice from God, but this was a very clear instruction. I recall sitting in the sun room and seeing houses pop up on my Realtor.com app. I would look and think there would be no harm in asking Linda if we could see this one...then the thought voice came.

 "I have this all taken care of," the voice reminded me. 

"But, would it hurt to just look?" I asked. 

"You don't need to look, I have a house for you. Just wait," was the return answer.

"But, can't I just look to be sure?" I tried to reason.

"No! I want you to wait. To trust," my voice told me. The sound of that voice was mine, but the thoughts that brought it were clearly not. I wanted things my way and I could have easily followed my own thoughts and sent a text requesting Linda to show us another property. But, I obeyed. Somewhat begrudgingly, but obeyed nonetheless. 

A couple of weeks of this went on, I continued to look at possible houses, but I never gave into the temptation of asking Linda for a tour. 

As we got closer to the time we would be in Corpus, I started a list of "favorites" and sent them on to Linda in hopes that any of them would be available when we arrived.  She started collecting and planning our search which would start Thursday morning. 

We arrived in Corpus on Wednesday night. Michael's sister Sandy had our accommodations all ready and on Thursday morning, the hunt began. 

Linda had 6 house for us to look at. She had texted the addresses to me in order that we would see them. I think maybe one of the six was on my list. Real estate was moving fast. We knew we were up against a very strong sellers market. We met Linda at house one. At this point, I don't recall specifics about each house, at the time I did take notes. There were some 8-9/10 and one 2/10.  House #5 was one I wanted to put an offer on. Michael did not, it did not have a covered patio or porch. That was his dream. He envisioned himself sitting on the porch each morning with a cup of coffee, his Bible, and plenty of time to spend with God. He didn't see that at this house. I was disappointed, but accepted it and we moved on to house #6. 

House #6...PERFECT!!!! This is the house God had for us. Our house was on the market an incredible 22 days, way longer than any of the others that we had been "watching." The price had been reduced. Another really rare thing to see happening in this market. When we arrived, the owners were there, they had thought we had come and gone. We were running late. They left the house and we looked around. As we entered the front door, there was a small hallway leading into the living area and the kitchen. To the left was the dining area and to the left of that, the SUNROOM. A place where Michael could spend his quiet time, away from the rest of the house and still a part of the house. The other items we had hoped for were a soaker tub, dual vanities in the master bath, and a gas range. None of those were deal breakers, but just wishes. So, other than the gas range, the rest of our hopes were there. 

I asked Linda what we needed to do to get the house. We could offer asking, offer a little more, offer the original asking price, offer over that...the options were there. She suggested that we go to lunch and think about it and we would meet back in her office and sign paperwork. As Michael and I got into the car to leave, we were both in tears. We stopped and prayed, asking God once again for His favor and will on our decision. 

Since we were so close to South Padre Island, we went to lunch at a little Mexican restaurant. I gave Michael some priceless advice..."when choosing a Mexican restaurant, look and see how many Mexicans are eating there." Gives a good idea of whether it is good food or not. There were a few, and the food was very good!!

So, as we finished and headed back across the bridge, Linda called and said the listing agent informed her there was another party interested. If we wanted it, we needed to move on it. She was heading to the office then and would start the ball rolling. She asked a price and Michael said it. He heard from God the number and knew it was the right one. So, we told her and she started working on the offer. 

The owners are an older couple and don't use technology, so the listing agent had to hand deliver the offer. Linda had us sign the essential paperwork for the offer and sent it off and we completed the rest of the thousands of pieces of documents to sign. We finished and left and now...we wait.

Later that evening, we got a call from Linda and she congratulated us on getting the house. Yes indeed, that NEVER happens. But it did and we know why. 

I hope this encourages you to trust in God for all things. Know that whatever it is you are needing, He has it all worked out. He has certainly proven that to us over and over. 

We will have a guest room-please come visit. 

2213 Sky Crest Street

Corpus Christi, TX 78418

Return to Rest

 I subscribed to a unique program last month in order to help memorize scripture. Scripture memory has never been a super easy process for me and certainly not attainable when I put forth no effort. So, I thought this way sounded kind of fun. The plan is called DWELL. I found it on Facebook-of all places. 

The way it works is like this: Each month a packet arrives in the mail. In the packet are three temporary tattoos, a key chain tag, and a card with a devotional to go along with the verse that is chosen to memorize. The artwork is unique in that it is the first letter of each word of the verse, thus allowing you to be able to recall the verse. 

This month's verse is Psalm 116:7. You may have gotten that on your own, it is a bit tricky to see that reference, but once you know what you are looking at, it becomes much more clear. 

The verse says, "Return to your rest my soul, for the LORD has been good to you." 

The first part I have to explain is when I actually opened this packet. I was just getting up for work on Tuesday evening. (I work nights now, so it was my normal waking time.) Since I work nights and live in a fog during the times I am working, my first response was, "Oh! I can go back to bed!" However, I do not think that is the message God was giving me...nor would my employer appreciate that sentiment. So, I went to work, but I thought  little about the verse. I hadn't put the tattoo on my arm at that point, so the thoughts of it were not predominant. But yesterday I did apply it and then started working on getting it memorized. 

Memorizing can become just an brain exercise, I need more than that. I need to understand the meaning of the verse and how I can apply it to my life. In the chaos that I am living in right now, REST is something I am not really focused on. I am focused on getting every piece of possessions dealt with, everything I own needs to find a new home, here, there, or somewhere else. That's a lot of stuff to think about. I need to sell my condo, I need to find a new home. I am stressed over the idea of starting work at a new place after having a nearly 31 year history at my present place of employment. I have a new marriage with a great husband, I cannot neglect him or our marriage. I have friends and family who are affected by my choices. I am leaving a church I love, I am leaving a group of ladies that I have done life with over the past several years and even through Covid. The list could go on and on as to what stressors exist in my life right now. But God's direction to me is-REST! But not just walk away from every responsibility, not sleep, not vacation, but REST. I believe He is telling me to let it be cared for by Him. 

He gives me a very good reminder in the second part of the verse. "For the LORD has been good to you." Oh, my! I could not even scratch the surface of the list of good the LORD has done for me. I will work backwards. Today, he gave me a good time with Bible study (although, we only shared and prayed), the women God has given me are amazing. He gave me a husband who although we have only known each other a short 6 months, knows me so well. He "observes" a lot and tells me what he sees. He is kind and compassionate. He leads me to the throne of our King almost daily (sometimes I am not awake or home). He thanks me for what I do and he tells me all the time that he loves me the way I am and he thinks I am wonderful. Let me just tell you, that does a lot for me. He makes the bed because he knows that makes me happy. I do not deserve him, but I am grateful that God gave him to me. 

There are daily reminders of the goodness of God in our lives. I keep thinking of how I arrived at where I am and how God has been faithful through the rough times and the easy times. 

I think of about five years ago when Jim and I were looking for a place to call home, I recall trying so hard to let God take control. I caught myself trying so hard to manipulate the situation and get into a house that would not have been right for us. We were trying to live more cheaply and that would have not done it. I really liked this particular  house, it was a bit like a trimmed down version of the one we were in, but the price was too high and the increasing offering price kept being rejected. I realized after three rejections that I was doing exactly what I had asked God to do, I thought I could take over and He didn't really need to be concerned. He showed me otherwise and when I surrendered my will to His direction, he led us to the condo we are in. God knew Jim would be leaving me in short order and that I needed a lot less to deal with (although, He let me keep enough stuff that I am once again dealing with "stuff"). But this home has worked out so well, we were back in town, close to our church, had enough space to entertain as we loved to do, and it has been essentially maintenance free-an important factor for a widow! 

There are so many other things that God has done in my life. When I could not have children, he not only gave me two sons, he gave me a husband who was willing to go the hard way and raise a family for a second time. Jim was a great dad and a great husband. I am not sure how I am so blessed to have been afforded two great husbands. 

I have had a great career. Although I have done a lot of things with my nursing degree, I feel the present position I am in is absolutely the best kept secret in nursing. I love caring for the most innocent of lives and getting them to a point of going home to their parents. Over the years I have developed some great friendships with parents of my patients. When one couple showed up at Jim's funeral, it spoke volumes as to the value that the friendship had for both them and me. When I get cards and Facebook messages from former patients' parents, it touches my heart deeply. These years in the NICU are some of the best in my career and I am grateful that I am able to move on and continue in this role. God has provided for that. 

So, now that I have said some and by all means not even close to all, God has been so good.  So, the second part of the verse just reminds me, "the LORD has been good to you." This is an ongoing promise. He did it and will continue to do it. He is the God who does not change, circumstances in our lives may change-I am in the midst of that now, but GOD NEVER CHANGES. He also never sleeps or slumbers. Which means, He is paying attention. So, I can rest. I am looking forward to what He has in store for me on this next great adventure. 

Thanks for reading.