I was listening to the radio on the way home from work this morning and they were talking about the sun causing the Northern Lights to appear this weekend. I was quickly reminded of a time when the Northern Lights appeared and my reaction to them. It was probably late September, 2001. The horrible events of 9/11 had happened and it put my life in a sort of tail spin. I had never really suffered huge loss or fear prior to the fateful Tuesday. I had not lost my parents, I was happily married, had two wonderful kids whom I adored (and still do). The closest people to me whom had died were my grandparents and a friend when I was 15 who had drowned in a freak wave off the coast of the Indian Ocean when she was visiting Africa. Life had been pretty simple, things fell nicely into place despite some of the bumps along the way.
However, when those buildings and planes went down on the Tuesday morning, I felt my whole life fall out from under me. My head told me to knock it off, I was fine. My heart told me to be afraid. My head told me I have a loving Heavenly Father who would never allow something to touch my life that had not been filtered through his hands. My heart said that was not enough at this point. I had a FEAR like never before. I was afraid to be home in my house alone, if I got home and Jim was not here, I called him and demanded that he get home right away, sometimes even waiting in the car for them to arrive. It was messy to say the least. It was a fear that is unexplainable. I seriously had never really felt fear before I felt that fear. Sad things is, I didn't even really know what the fear was of, would they come to get us all? Would we lose our country? Would out economy bottom out and all we have worked for be gone? In this fear, I did have a solid knowledge in my head that God would care for me no matter what else I was to do without in this life.
One night I was traveling home from town and the northern sky was bright and red and beautiful. I had never experienced Northern Lights before. I had no idea what they looked like, so instead of slowing down and enjoying this phenomenon I rushed home because I knew Jim was home and if I were in the house with the boys and Jim, I was safe.
I realized this morning, the fear that consumed my life for that period of time, consumed and destroyed the joy. I am sad that the memory of Northern Lights is dampened by the fear that took the joy from me. When I saw the lights, I thought, "OH NO!!! What are they trying to do to us now?" I was sure they had a plan to destroy our nation and this was a part of it.
I am so happy to report I finally got out of that slump. Our pastor spoke with me about my concerns and one Sunday he preached a sermon meant for me. He said, "If God is not finished with the task he had called you to do, he will not allow harm to destroy you." I knew that those boys were given to me to have a mom until adulthood, I know Jim was not meant to be a single dad. I had the assurance that God had called me to be a mom and his promise that if he begins a good work in you, he will bring it to completion. I knew complete was not there and I had a very important job to do.
Dan had been fearful for years of being alone at his end of the house, or anywhere we asked him to go without us. I prayed and prayed that he would be at peace and God would free him of the burden of fear. When I went through my spell, I began to understand just exactly what he felt. You cannot talk yourself out of it or convince yourself by rational thinking that you should not be afraid and worse yet, no one else can do that for you either. As promised, perfect love cast out all fear. 1 John 4:18
So, if the sky is clear and I don't have to be too busy at work, I am walking right out on the roof and looking those Northern Lights in the sky and telling God, "Thanks for giving me life, joy, peace, love, and no more fear (at least not consuming fear).
