Bible Reading

 I have put a challenge out on Facebook for others to join me in reading through the Bible this year. Let me tell you about why this has become so very important to me.

My dad was a Godly man who spent hours reading his Bible every day. It could have been considered an occupational hazard since he was a pastor. But, he was committed to it, and I watched for years as he cherished his quiet time. For many years at our dinner table growing up, back when families actually ate dinner at a table at the same time, Dad would always end our meal with Bible reading. I hated it! It was boring and I cannot for the life of me remember one word of what I heard in all of those years. (My sisters could weigh in on this-they probably listened-one of them anyway!) But, suffice it to say, Bible reading is in my DNA. 

But, it didn't become habit until the day my dad went to Heaven. That was the day, October 18, 2014 that I told myself, "You are going to start reading the Bible daily!" And I started. I finished the One Year Bible that year, starting in late October. Then I believe I used the One Year Bible for 2015. I was then introduced to the 5 Day Bible Reading plan that I have used ever since. It has worked quite well for me, however, not without fail. 

Stupidly, when life got tough and I went through a really dark time in my life, I quit. I could hardly put one foot in front of the other and instead of digging in and sticking with it, I quit. That was a dumb decision. I regret it and won't allow that to happen again. 

So, this is my encouraging advice to you. When you feel like quitting, feeling like you don't have the time or the energy-stay the course. Keep going. Ask the group for support. Be accountable to the group or to someone privately. Just KEEP ON!!!!! 

When I fell to these times of stopping, one thing I found helpful was to just pick up at the date of the day I could regroup and start again. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to go back and catch up. Just start on the day you are at and push forward. It will become more enjoyable and fulfilling if you forgive yourself and start again. No pressure!! 

Every year I seem to find myself circling a reading that was meaningful to me. For 2019 and 2020 I circled Psalm 27. Take a look at it. It is very encouraging and for this year I am going to try and memorize at least the verses that really speak to me. Maybe even the whole Psalm...not making any promises, but a good start may just happen. (You can ask me how it is going!) 

So, be encouraged, friends. Remember what the Psalm says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  (119:105) We really need a light in this dark world. 

An Interuption

I don't usually write fiction, but I was kind of challenged while attending a Christmas Eve service. God spoke to me about what it must have been like to be there, at the actual event. Having been a labor and delivery nurse for many years, births come and go and rarely does one stand out above all of the others. This story that is brewing in my brain brings a bit of perspective from the ones who were probably there that go unmentioned. I hope it comes together and gives glory to the God who made our celebrations possible along with giving the best gift to us.

 A census? What in the world is Caesar Augustus thinking? Why didn't Quirinius step in and prevent this from happening? These evil men who always think they can control our lives! What is this all about now? Don't they understand that Bethlehem will become crazy and overcrowded? We do not have room for all of the thousands of people who are of the line of David to come and stay with us. This political move is nothing but a proof of power and will only cause us all to have to pay more taxes, lining the pockets of these evil leaders. Oh, that we would have a new king! It has been so long since we have seen any sign of reprieve from the evil that exists in our world. As long as I can remember there has been talk of the coming Messiah. Certainly it has to happen soon or this world is bound for permanent destruction. I only hope that the king who comes to take over can do it without too many lives being destroyed. After all, there has never been a peaceful transfer of power, only those marked with death and bloodshed. What I have learned though, it has been 400 years since we have heard any new talk of a coming Messiah. I wonder if it will really ever happen or if the prophets of old got the story wrong. Perhaps their predictions are just made up theories that really have no accuracy. I personally am losing all hope in ever seeing the powerful Messiah coming to power in this dark world where everyone seems to be living only to benefit themselves. Now, that is certainly obvious with this mandated census and impending tax.

 It has been a busy year for me as a midwife to the city of Bethlehem. Although we are a small little area, there remains women who are working at increasing the population. Tonight, as so many people are invading out little quiet village, I am hoping for some rest. I have firsthand knowledge of all the women who were great with child over the past month, they have all delivered and no one is due soon. A break in the action. I am grateful for that. I can hopefully get some of my own chores done at home this evening since there should be no new little ones arriving tonight. Thankfully, I was able to get to the well early this morning and we should have plenty of water for tomorrow. I have made plenty of bread and will be all set for a relaxing day off tomorrow from the normal life of caring for the women who are bringing new life into this world. With thoughts of that, I am ready to get my family to bed. 

Bang! Bang! Bang! 

What is that? Someone is pounding at my door. Why? I know of no one ready to deliver today. No one is due to have a baby. I have delivered them all. What is this all about?

 “Haddasah! Hurry, we need you!?” a voice was yelling at my door. 

I am all tucked in, my family is sleeping and I am not eager to wake them all as I climb out of bed. Who is this insisting that I get up?

 “Who are you, knocking at my door at this late hour?” I called out, trying not to wake all of the children who were nestled in for the night. My husband, sleeping right through the commotion of this all. How is it that men can sleep so soundly? Perhaps that is my plight in life as a midwife, to never really be able to sleep so soundly that even the softest of sounds awaken me. But this? This is not a soft sound, this banging on my door could potentially even waken the soundest of sleepers. I must figure out how to climb out over the children and get to the door before this keeps on.

 “Stop! I am coming,” I whispered as I carefully stepped between each of my children. Getting to the door as fast as I could, I opened and was greeted by a couple of very frazzled looking men.

 “Come quickly!” they cried. “There is a guest at the inn who has gone into labor. We need someone to attend the delivery. We don’t know what to do.” Men, of course they wouldn’t know what to do, they may help animals give birth, but a woman? Never.

 “Grab my water,” I said, thinking there is a potential there won’t be enough at an inn that is overcrowded with guest. Thankful I had not just replenished enough for my family, but I had convinced my children to visit the well with me and bring back a surplus of water in hopes for one day off from getting the water supply. Once more my mind wandered to the frustration I was feeling about the government putting their noses into our business and demanding that we be counted and taxed. One more reminder of the overreaching of government into the daily affairs of life. Really, why do we have to just sit back and take this? When will there be a solution to the tyranny of this government?

 “Stop!” I tell my mind. Quit dwelling on this negativity. There is obviously a much more serious issue to deal with-right now, someone is in labor and needing my professional assistance. “Concentrate on what you can do,” I told myself.

 Running quickly, trying to keep up with the men who woke me up, I am surprised that we run right past the entrance to the inn.

 “Where are you leading me?” I yell, “The inn’s door is right here!”

 “The woman is back here,” they explain as they lead me back to the stable.

 “An animal? I was called to attend a calving? What is happening to me?” my mind had a million thoughts. I am not an animal midwife, why was I called to a stable? I entered the outer area of the stable and in the dimness I could see a very nervous man not from around this area. Even in the darkness I could tell I didn’t recognize him as a local. 

“Can you help?” his voice quivered. “We did not expect that labor would happen here. We have come from Nazareth to participate in the census. I thought we would have time to get back there before this happened…” his voice wandered off as he tried to explain even to himself what was happening.

 “I can,” I assured him. “My name is Haddasah, I am a midwife. I can take care of your wife.” He gave me a look of relief. I headed in further to the area near the manger. “Heat up the water on the fire,” I ordered the men before I left them. “We will need warm water and as many rags as you can find, this is a less than ideal place to be delivering a child,” I had been in many homes to assist in many deliveries, never had I had a woman laboring in a stable. “What a mess this overcrowding has caused! Did we not have anyone more hospitable in this whole village?” once again, my mind straying to the plight that this census had caused.

 I approached the woman, “What is your name?” I whispered softly as she finished a contraction. 

“Mary.” The young girl stated. As I looked, I knew this was her first. She was so very young. No chance that she had done this before. She had to have been barely married before conceiving based on my observation of her young age. Another contraction began.

 “Breathe, Mary,” I instructed softly. As the contraction ended, I performed my duties as a midwife in assessing the progress. “It won’t be long. Your little girl or boy will be here soon.”

 “He’s a boy,” she spoke as the contraction ended. “He is a boy!” She repeated with such assurance. I have seen many births and women very sure of the gender being pleasantly surprised once the baby reveals itself. This one was different. Her confidence was stronger than any I had seen. She convinced me, a skeptical midwife, this child was going to be a boy.

 Mary cried out in pain. The baby was coming. There was no time to get her moved into a cleaner area. No time to move a paying guest out of a clean inn room in order to accommodate a soon to be mother. We will just try to make the best of the situation here. The inn keeper’s wife, Rachael, had supplied the area with fresh straw while she waited for me to arrive. Her daughter had followed my direction of getting some rags ready. Other women had assembled to bring in water and supplies as needed. The men were all pacing out in the yard, some attending to the fire, some attending to the father to be.

 One long cry from the pregnant woman as the infant moved from her body to the world. Wet with water and blood, he entered the world. Yes, it is a boy. I used some cloths to dry his wet slippery body off as I placed him into the arms of his mother. Sweat pouring off her brow, her face glowing in wonder and affection for this tiny human being. As he cried and assured us that his lungs were working, I assessed his skin. Even in the darkness I could tell his was becoming pink as his heart was doing the work it needed to pump that blood through his body. I continued my job and cut the cord. As Mary held him to her chest, he did what he knew to do and found his way to her breast. Her placenta delivered right on schedule. No complications. I was so grateful. It was bad enough to think of where she had to deliver, certainly she deserved an easy transition from being pregnant to being a mother.

 What was it though? There was something about this baby that seemed different to me. He cried like a normal baby, he nursed at his mother’s breast, he pooped. He did all of the things a baby was supposed to do, but somewhere in my heart, I felt there was a difference.

 In the hours that followed, it was a very unusual occurrence. Out of nowhere, what seemed very odd and unusual, shepherds came to see the baby. Seriously? Shepherds? Why would those dirty animal tending less than human creatures be hanging out looking at this baby? I overheard one telling someone nearby about a bright light waking them while they were in the field. Then, because I love to hear a good story, I kept listening.

 “We were all sleeping except Jacob, it was his turn to be awake to protect the sheep,” he started to say. “We thought the commotion was an animal or a thief, but NO, it was in the sky. Not a human or an animal but angels telling us that in the city of Bethlehem a child had been born.” He continued to explain how the angels spoke and told them where to go. It sounded like the most frightening thing that could have ever happened, worse than a bear or a lion. I decided I would forgive them for bringing their dirty bodies to the site where a child had been born. I was convinced they were in the right to be there. I wouldn’t argue with angels. Angels? My spirit was once again moved to realizing there was something different about this child. I hoped to see what would happen in the next few days.

The story will continue. I am working on more...I didn't want to hold on to this as I developed it, I needed to share. Please let me know what you think. Thanks~Christine

Marriage

For so very long, I have been burdened by the encounters I have with married people who are struggling in their marriage. Jim and I were going to start a group to support and mentor couples in their marriage. We never got it off the ground before Jim died. The burden has not been lifted. I loved being married. I loved that we had such an imperfect marriage and that we knew how to fight and how to resolve. As I may have shared previously, we even had a "heavy" discussion just hours before he died. We were not in agreement about vacation, but we both knew that we would have to decide together what we were going to do.

So, with the burden, I have been putting a lot of thought as to what marriage is supposed to look like. In my opinion, marriage is a metaphor. God gave us marriage as model to understand Christ and the church. I know there are many who would differ with this opinion, but for some reason, that statement has been swirling around in my head for months. When I look at Christ and the church, we are often referred to as the Bride of Christ. If that is so, then he would be the husband. Christ set an example for us as to how we are to live our lives, sacrifice was the ultimate act on His part to offer us forgiveness of sin and security in an eternal life with him.

As I look at marriage, I know what I believe the whole point of it is. A good marriage (which does not mean perfect) is a good illustration of what our relationship with Jesus should look like. A human marriage is filled with flaws in comparison, face it, we live in a fallen world (Gen. 3). My thoughts lately have been regarding the man's role (after all, it is easier to be critical of the part that I would never be responsible to fulfill!)

The husband. I look this word up in the dictionary and of course it gives the usual definition. What we all already know (funny how dictionaires do that). But I knew there was a deeper meaning to the word. I have heard, "animal husbandry" so I was sure there was more of a meaning than "a married man". I scrolled down and found the one definition that applies to the role of that married man, "to till; cultivate". There, that is what I was looking for. A husband is not just the man portion in a marriage arrangement. The husband is the one who needs to till and cultivate. That is work. Sorry to say, beside the work that was related to the curse (Gen. 3) there is other work too that the man has to do. When we look at Christ as our husband, think of how many times we have heard the phrase, "the work of the cross". Really? That was work? I would think of it more as death, punishment. But, it was a work, because it accomplished what it set out to do. So, as husbands, men have a job to do, not only to provide finacially and protectively for the family, but to till and cultivate. I am so thankful I got to be the woman. A man's job looks pretty daunting if you consider all that is really his responsibility. How does a man till and cultivate in the family? I am sure that looks different in all types of situations, but primarily in order to be able to pour out yourself to the family, you need to be filled up first. Spending time in God's word, avoiding any area of sin, being available for what you are needed for...the list goes on and on. I feel most men know what they need to do, they often choose not to do it. The wife: God created the woman to be a helpmate to the man. Not a rug to be stepped on. Not a boss to overpower her husband and take on his role. To be a helpmate. That to me means a woman needs to do whatever is in her power to support her husband in his role as "husband". Oh sure, there will be times when we (women) just do it because we are sick of waiting around. That temptation is great, but at some point we realize, we have to let the man do his job-if we are doing it, he cannot. I could go on and on as to what we should do as women, but I think, just like I said about the husband, we also know. One of the greatest things about marriage that I ever heard came on a cruise when I heard Darren Mulligan (We Are Messengers) say this at the end of his concert, "Marriage is not about being happy. Marriage is about dying to yourself so that your marriage partner can live to the fullest in Christ." I love that thought, but as I thought about it over the years since hearing it, I am reminded that it goes both ways, one person only dying to the other is not the solution. It is the two people deciding each to die to the other. If it doesn't happen in both lives, it won't be correct. We really need to look at what dying to self in order to support our partner to live really looks like. What would that look like for you? What things do you need to change about you that would line up with that sacrifice? Thanks for reading this. I am no expert on marriage. I like to remember mine as good with a whole lot of struggle and work that went along with it, an imperfect marriage. I hope that this message blesses and challenges you.

Copied from a Facebook Post

Sorry this is not an original post, but I thought it was too good not to have saved somewhere other than on my phone. We all know how reliable that can be. It was posted on the Hope After Grief page on Facebook by Gail Carico Bryant. 

 "In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, 'What kind of man are you looking for?' She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, 'Do you really want to know?' Reluctantly he said, 'Yes.' She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man. 'What can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills, I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, What can you bring to the table?' The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms and asked her to explain. She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster, I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest, and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect in order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. And by the way, I am not looking for him...he will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I cant help a man if he can't help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.' She replied, 'I am worth a lot!'" 

 As a widow, I think this is a very good message to tell myself. I think after being married most of my life, I forget what it is that I really need to be looking at and not settling for something less than perfect for me. Thanks for reading. I will be trying to update some of my own thoughts this coming week.

An Early Lesson in Thankfulness

I wanted to be sure to add being thankful to my new year's daily routine. I got an early start this past week. I have been struggling since September with some pretty annoying shoulder pain. I have gone along with all the suggestions of my medical providers. However, little improvement has happened. So, I am continuing on with the treatment plan. So, Wednesday I was scheduled for an MRI. Being in pain for several months and trying to do normal everyday activities with a gimpy shoulder is pretty annoying. I have always said I could take anything as long as it doesn't involve pain. I completed my scan and was waiting to get into the dressing room to leave. As I was seated on the chair, I observed another woman who was preparing to go in for her scan. Let me tell you, it caused me to pause and thank God for my health and that I was only there for a sore shoulder. This woman had very little hair on her head, so, I assume a chemo/radiation patient. It was hard not to also notice the large scar on her scalp and a big indentation in her skull. (I wasn't staring-I observe things quickly) The woman was probably younger than me, walking with a walker. Despite all of the issues that she was certainly facing, she had a sweet spirit and was very pleasant. I could not blame her for being bitter and complaining, but she did not. It woke me up to a realization, I need to remember to be always grateful for my health, despite pain and annoyances. So, I am starting early.

Looking Forward to the New Year

Well, to say 2020 has been a year to remember would be a huge understatement Maybe we would be better saying it would be a good year to forget. We all feel the same sentiment and for various reasons. We have given up so much of what we used to take for granted, all for the sake of preventing a viral spread. Some have gone to huge extremes to prevent giving or getting, others have tried to maintain some type of normalacy. I am not here to judge either choice, I just recognize the two extremes (or more) that exist. But, that is not the subject for this entry. The subject is, the future. What is next? What is a plan? Last year I put a challenge out to have several people join me in reading through the Bible in the year using the plan that I have used the last several years. Well, like most things in 2020, not many stuck with the plan and completed it. Maybe 2021 will be your year?!?! I will be putting the challenge out again soon. If 2020 taught us nothing else, it did teach us that we have plenty of time to read the Bible for 20-30 minutes a day. Perhaps the reason we are going through all of this was to get us to prioritize our time and do this. Feeling guilty for not doing this? Good. I want you to. If that is a driving force that works for you, then I am sending it all to you. Please get on board with this plan (or one of your own) of spending time daily in reading the Word and filling your mind with good things. This is the best thing you can fill your mind with. But, now, on to my 2021 plan. This came to me very recently and if I don't record it and make myself accountable to someone, I may not succeed. Or, perhaps I won't even remember that I had a plan. I have been working hard at filling my mind with good things, finding books about better nutrition and making good choices in life. There is a lot of other noise that I am trying hard to quiet so that my mind is not filled with damaging thoughts. I had read the book, "Switch On Your Brain" by Dr. Caroline Leaf over a year ago. At the end of the book she offers a 21 day detox plan. I didn't do it at the time I originally read the book. I procrastinated on that in order to do it at time that I was really ready to take on the challenge. Well, unfortanately, my procrastination turned into a complete forgetting that I was going to someday do it. Lately I have listened to several "experts" on health and periodically Dr. Leaf is either mentioned or a guest speaker. Then, there arrives a podcast hosted by her also. With all of this new exposure, I pulled out my book and decided I really do need to jump in and do the exercises she suggests. One of the guest she had on her podcast talked about having an attitude of graditude. (I hate rhyming phrases-I think they are hokey) He said that he had interviewed some people who were successful and at peace and their bottom line was daily finding something to be grateful for. So, here I am, step one, read and complete the 21 day detox plan. Step 2- daily find something to be truly grateful for.(I am going to record them) My step 3 is something that came to me just this week while visiting with my oldest living relative. My aunt Phyllis showed me a book she had near her on her kitchen table and it was just a simple planner in which she recorded what happened each day. Not every day had an entry, but many did. As I looked at her entries, I felt challenged to do the same. I have relied on my memory for most of my life and not really ever recorded things. I had been acused by my late husband of having too good of a memory for unimportant details. Well, I am going to give up on trusting my own memory and start doing like Aunty Phyllis and record each day what it is that was significant (or not) for that day. So, there you have it. My plan. Now, on this date next year, hopefully I can look back and see that I accomplished my goal.

Driving Lessons

 No, don't be fooled by the title, I am neither taking or giving driving lessons, I am learning from driving some life lessons, I thought I would share. 

Yesterday I was driving home from a less than pleasant appointment with my therapist-there, I said it, I am seeing someone. I really need to, it has help immensely to get me through the tough times of my life without a partner. So, I am driving along in my new car-there, I said it, I have a new car (I haven't told a lot of people that because frankly, I didn't need a new car and feel stupid to have gone out and justified getting one.) The car has some new features that I am still getting used to. Jim had wanted me to have a car that had every imaginable safety feature on it-one of my justification points. This car has adaptive cruise control. If you don't know what that is, let me explain. It is optional when you use your cruise control to set it to slow down if you are approaching a vehicle that is moving slower than you. It takes the common sense approach to driving in that it keeps you from getting into someone's trunk unintentionally. The drawback is, the driver either pays attention and makes adjustments, or the car does it for you by slowing you down whether you want it to or not. There are other features in this car that make it so safe, I will not expound. 

Yesterday as I was driving home on the interstate, I had the adaptive cruise control on. I noticed there were several cars in the lane in front of me that had slowed down. I decided that the speed of the cars in front of me were reacting to heavier traffic, construction, trucks, or some other good reason to be slowing. I let the car do its thing. Granted, let me assure you, this whole event took maybe 20 seconds tops, I didn't just sit there and let my car decide everything for me. As I drove, I realized the left lane was moving right along, no slowing, no traffic, nothing. So, I changed lanes. The car adjusted to the set speed and I was on my way. I looked over in the right lane as I passed two cars driving slower than the posted speed. No reason that I could see. I drove a little further and then the message hit me. 

We tend to do this in life. We sit in the comfort of the right lane, we allow someone else to decide for us what speed we move at. We don't assess the situation and adjust ourselves, we just keep going along-or, we change lanes. I realized how too many times I am that person in the car in the right lane, letting the car decide for me what is best. I am trying very hard to change the lane I am in. I must admit, this is hard. It is easier to just keep riding along, going with the flow, accepting what is handed to me. However, is that getting me to where I really need to be? It may lead there, but it might not be the best way to get there. 

I think God gave me that word picture so that I would start to look at what He wants for me that is not the same old thing, not the slowing down because there is an obstacle in front of me. Do I need to change lanes? Do you need to change lanes? It isn't easy, it may lead to something we don't expect, but it also may get us to where we need to be with less time and energy expended. 

I am going to start praying that God shows me the lane I am to be in and gives me the strength to get there and stay there. 

How I Learned How to Pray-(Confessions of a second grader)

 I was a second grader. I had a teacher who every morning would ask some of the students individually and in front of the class what time they went to bed the night before. Now I get it, bedtime and sleep are so important for a growing brain and and vital in helping to use that brain better. Do you know, that was over 50 years ago and the thoughts of that particular exercise is all I remember learning in second grade? 

Because, I had parents who didn’t stress an early bedtime. I usually went to bed by 10:00 pm and rarely before that. It worked, I always felt rested when I awoke in the morning. I was really fine. Then, the dreaded question. If I was the “elected” one, I so dreaded telling her that I ended my previous day at 10:00 pm instead of her recommended 8:00 pm. Usually my stomach was in knots every morning as I waited to see who was going to be interrogated. 

I am writing this to tell you what I learned in second grade. I learned how not to pray. Yes, you may think that something so traumatic would make me become really good at praying. I would every night go to bed and really beg God that Mrs. Davis (and why can I remember her name?) would not ask me the “question”. That was the only thing I consistently prayed for. Every night, without fail. So, why do I say I learned how not to pray? My observation was this. If I prayed for her not to ask me what time I went to bed and that was the only thing I asked God for before falling asleep, she did not end up asking me the dreaded question. However, if I prayed for her not to ask me what time and that I would be a good student, or that I would have a chance to share my faith with someone, or any number of other requests that I had to ask God for, I would be the one. 

My prayer life as a second grader morphed into more like a rubbing of a genie lamp. It became superstitious. A sort of “if-then” game that seemed to work through the whole year. 

I wonder what I missed. I wonder still what a person is supposed to learn in second grade. There is only one other moment I recall from that year in school; a classmate reading in front of the class was suddenly in a puddle. I do wonder if she had felt the same shame and embarrassment that I had felt being quizzed in front of the class about what time I went to bed. 

I do know what I learned not based on curriculum. I learned a few things. I could not control what time I went to bed if I happened to be out with my parents. I was the youngest child and often times I was with my parents when they would go visit people in the evenings. We didn’t get back home many times before the chosen bedtime of Mrs. Davis. My dad was a pastor, my parents poured into people’s lives and often times that required spending evenings visiting other people in their homes. I didn’t have a choice of going or not going. So, I had no control. I was not in a position to tell my parents that Mrs. Davis requires that I get to bed by 8:00 pm and that they needed to cut their time short as they were possibly hearing the heartfelt concerns of the people they were ministering to. 

I also learned that a person can have a huge impact upon one’s life without really even knowing it. Did Mrs. Davis cause me to want to go to bed by her chosen time? No! I never considered changing my habits based on her questioning. I only relied on my trusting that if I never asked God for anything else, He would give me the desired response. She taught me the wrong thing about God, I learned how to put limits on what I could ask Him for and shrunk Him down to a human sized figure that really could not multi-task. 

I don’t think I ever told my parents about the frustration and the painfully embarrassing encounters I had in front of my class. If I had, they probably would have brushed it off as something I would just be able to handle. I did handle it, although maybe not the correct way. I developed a prayer life of knowing God was too small to be able to answer more than one thing I prayed for. If I asked for anything else, inevitably she would find me and ask the dreaded question. 

Thankfully, I passed the second grade and moved on to a teacher who didn’t ask any pointed dreaded questions. But more importantly, over the years, I came to realize how big my God really is and how He can handle whatever I throw at Him. Did he take me through the second grade to develop me into a person of prayer? Was there a bigger purpose that I was supposed to be a part of? 

Since the second grade, I would not even be able to start at telling you all of the prayers I have prayed and how God has answered them. Sometimes, when the prayers are not answered according to what I think is best, I will catch myself thinking I could have asked for too much. Maybe if I had stressed this one thing, it would have gone the way I thought it should. 

Thankfully, that is not how God works. He loves us, He knows what is best for us. He understands our misunderstandings. He doesn’t allow us to go places that would cause harm when we think we know what is best. My list is never too big for Him. 

Meat Loaf

I want to call this killer meat loaf...if you know me well, you know why. This is copied from a church cookbook and Terri Howard was the originator of the recipe. I have to give her credit. I have used this recipe hundreds of times (maybe I am exaggerating, but oh well!)

2 eggs beaten
2/3 c. milk
2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
3-6 crumbled crackers (I have used bread crumbs too)
1 onion, chopped
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese
1-1/2 pounds ground beef

Mix separately:
1/2 c. catsup
1/2 c. brown sugar
1 tsp. yellow mustard


Combine eggs, milk, salt, pepper, crumbs. Add onion, cheese, and ground beef. Mix well. Pack into loaf pan. Top with catsup mixture and bake at 350℉ for one hour. Makes 8 servings

I hope you enjoy.

Yard Ornaments

So, here is the story about the water spout yard lights that I have just created.

About 3 years ago, Jim found this idea on the internet about making these yard ornaments that look like a water spout. He showed the picture to me and told me he was going to make some for our yard. We went to Home Depot where we spent way too much money (in my opinion) for the supplies. We brought them home and put them in the garage. The box sat there. I reminded Jim that the supplies were there and he should do it. The more I reminded him, the more he assured me he would get to it sometime.

Well, sometime never came. I had forgotten about it until about a month ago when I saw the box in the garage. Then a couple of weeks ago I decided I should start organizing some of the stuff in the garage and make some room for other things. I found the box. I looked and thought about him not finishing this project and how disappointed I was that he hadn't finished it before he died. Then I thought there was a possibility that I could make them. So, I searched the internet for a plan and found one. I realized how easy the project was. However, I had the supplies for two and I somehow broke the light wire on the second one. So, I had to scrap it. I knew that would not be acceptable for Jim, he would have wanted two. So, I ordered lights and bought one piece I needed that I could not salvage from the other one. I completed it today and it has a different type of light that has settings that change. I am so pleased with the second one and thrilled with the type of lights I was able to find. So, I will just say this, the first one was Jim's and the second was mine...mine is better ;-)

Thanks for reading.

Cancel Easter!

I sit in my house during this time of quarantine. I strive to stay off Facebook and find myself there at  least 20 times a day. I want to let go, but I cannot. I fear I may miss some critical update or funny meme that someone else posted. Or, I am just bored and don't really want to do anything else. But, the longer I read, the greater my frustration becomes. It isn't about the "lock down" or whatever you want to call this situation we are in. It is about the comments regarding Easter.

Easter comes on the calendar every year. But, really, what does it mean and why is that one particular Sunday in spring so important? I know for some it is all about getting together with family, hiding eggs, eating ham, breaking the lenten fast, going to church the one Sunday of the year, dressing up in new clothes. But why? Why do we celebrate that way?

As I watched some people's comments over this past week, my heart was stirred. I saw where some people were complaining about the quarantine keeping them away from the normal celebrations they usually participate in, I see some concerned about not being able to figure out how to live stream a church service. Why all of the sudden is going to church or celebrating Easter so critical to those who really have no time any other day of the year to really celebrate the true meaning of Easter?

Then, the conviction set in. If you are at all familiar with the story of Jonah in the Old Testament, that is exactly who I could relate to. My thoughts were similar to his. If you cannot give any time to the Lord any other time of the year, then why is tomorrow so important? Just like Jonah thought the people of Ninevah didn't deserve the salvation of the Lord, so I found myself thinking,

"You people who don't bother any other time to celebrate the true meaning of Easter, you are getting what you deserve this year."

Whoa, did I just say that, think that? What in the world. The Holy Spirit spoke to me, that is such a Jonah way of thinking. Is that really what I want my message to be? I know in my heart I do not want that to be what I think or feel. I really want people to see the true meaning of Easter, I got caught up in the celebration mentality that so distorts the real meaning. This is my confession of that wrong thinking.

Unlike Jonah, I want to really have a heart for the lost. Those who don't understand the true meaning, the personal meaning of Easter. I have written many times in these blogs what that really looks like, I would ask you to dig deeper if you don't understand. Bottom line, we sin, we cannot pay for it, Christ came, lived a sinless life, sacrificed himself on the cross and three days later (Easter) he rose to conquer death, sin, the grave. Your part, accept the free gift that he offers and live a new life in him.

Thankfully, God did not make me sit for three days in the belly of a fish to come to this conclusion. 

Thoughts on a Friday

In these days of uncertainty and trouble, I really need to keep my mind and heart focused on what Jesus is saying to me in the quiet of my lonely house.

I struggle at times when I realize I am alone here, but yet, I know, I am never alone. Jesus promised me He would never leave me nor forsake me. I really need to remember that promise.

I struggle knowing there are so many suffering in this time and I am especially mindful of the ones who do not have the assurance of salvation. This weighs heavier on my heart than the thought of someone actually dying from Covid. My greatest concern of all is that no one slips into eternity without Jesus. If I say too many things (and that is always possible) I pray that the one thing that people hear from me is that there is a way to know eternal peace.

So, once again, I am going to put it out here. I know I have said it a lot, but you may be reading this for the first time and the message may be new to you.

God created us for the sole purpose of living in fellowship with Him. In Genesis 3, that relationship was severed because mankind listened to Satan and believed his lie. God was hurt by that choice, mankind continued to live in that broken fellowship. Then God gave the Law knowing that mankind could not do each part perfectly even if trying with all of our ability. So, then God offered us one more way to restore that fellowship with Him. He gave Jesus to us, Jesus lived a perfect sinless life and was the only way we could be restored. We cannot earn it, we cannot DO enough to gain that fellowship again. There is only one thing we can do.

Ask Jesus to be Lord of your life. Ask Him to forgive you from the sin that separates you from God. Believe in your heart that when you say those words, the work is complete. Don't wait until you think you have yourself all "cleaned up". Just do it willingly and sincerely.

It is simple and in these days nothing else really makes sense.

Peace During the Storm

Several weeks ago, when this whole thing started and the recommendations were to start social distancing, flattening the curve, safe at home, etc. I was quickly reminded of the crisis I had suffered shortly after the attack of 9/11. I refer to this often in my life because that event shook my world. I was a mess beyond all messes. When this all started with Corona, I vowed I would trust in God and not allow myself to go where I had gone in 2001.

Well, as strong willed and determined as I am, that resolve left me on Sunday evening. While I was at work there was an overhead page for a "medical emergency." That means, someone was dying. Then, of course, we all paused in our thoughts in realization that it was a person with the virus. Then, it became more real than ever. When reading reports about the death toll and those infected, it doesn't become quite as real as it does when you know someone is slipping away in the very building where you are standing. Reality!

Our future will no doubt lead to those close to us leaving this world too. We don't know where and when this silent killer will hit. I don't like not knowing, but then again, I don't really want to know either. It is a difficult view to balance. It reminds me of the teeter-totter and being up and then down and then up and then down. It is hard to hit that middle and stay there both on the playground and in life. At one moment I realize all of this is in God's hand ultimately, and then I push that off and I am doubting the security that I know is there. I am sure I am not alone in that uncertainty and conflict.

I read scripture, many have come to mind in this time. I cling to those verses that give hope and assurance that God will not walk away from this. I often feel it is His way of getting our attention. But, are we seeing that? Not everyone. That is another area I struggle with. What about those out there who will face their eternity soon, where are they going to spend eternity? How do we make sure the message of salvation is clear and available? How do we share it without sounding like "doomsday" evangelist? It is hard. Any time I spend with people, it is with people who don't have a relationship with Jesus. It is hard to draw from others when they cannot offer hope. That is when I really have to remember to trust in Jesus. I pray for opportunities to share the gospel, but those don't come often. It is a continual challenge and has become even more so with this pandemic.

I also struggle with the feeling that this may be the beginning of the end. If so, our mission is even greater. Not one of us is going to get out of this life and not face the judgement. How can that message be sent clearly and how do we do our part? This is a struggle I face daily. Am I doing enough? NO! I don't even have to think about that answer. So, I pray that I can be used and that the Holy Spirit would lead people to me to give them the answer to hope in a very dark world.

If you are reading this and do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, if you don't really have the assurance that when you leave this life you know you will be forever in Heaven, please consider making that a for sure in your life. It required not work on your part, it only requires full surrender to Jesus. Ask Him to take control of your life, to forgive you for your sin, and to live inside you through the Holy Spirit. It is as simple as that. No hill to climb, no works to be done, the work was done by Him on the cross. Please take His gift of salvation and be assured of where you will spend eternity.

Let me know if you need to know more.

The Last Week of Firsts

Catchy title? Maybe, but truth.

I have survived the first of many things, starting out right from the death, Easter followed quite soon. Then Mother's Day, Father's Day,  the 30th anniversary of the day we met, Jim's birthday, the rest of the major holidays of the year. Each one was tolerable and each one less anxiety provoking than I had expected. Friends were close by in the event that I would need a lift. I am sure with that and a lot of prayers, the year was actually not as bad as I had anticipated.

Then, this week arrived. I often times wish my memory would not be so great, I can remember really dumb insignificant things, this week being no exception.  Sunday was St. Patrick's Day and I wanted a reuben. He didn't want to go to Culver's so I went with a friend. He texted me while there and asked me to bring him home a reuben. I have no idea why that happened other than the friend I took was a widow also and maybe to get to know her better, God really orchestrated that lunch.

I recall the Monday that I volunteered to work a 12 hour night shift because work was crazy busy and they were short. I remember going to Madison to get Jim's bike because he wanted me to be with him. I took my Bible and read it to him on the way, because he told me to bring it along. He knew that my reading time was important to me, he didn't want to take that time away from me, but he wanted me to be with him. Then, Thursday he took his bike out for a spin.  He went to McDonalds for me that day as I frantically rushed out of the house to get to work, being called in because of a new baby arriving. Friday I have talked about already in a previous blog.

So, as of pretty much right now, I have passed the one year mark. I have felt every emotion possible this week and my tears have been flowing freely. I honestly believe the crisis the world is in right now has contributed to the pain of this week more than anything else. Being forced to stay in the house and not be out with people has made it especially difficult to navigate through the emotions. I am so grateful for technology that allows me to at least maintain contact with people. But, bottom line, the one "people" I would have chosen to be quarantined with is not here. I miss him. I will never stop loving him and I would never ever want him to have had to go through the Corona Crisis, not being out with people would have made him so sad. I am blessed to know he is virus free, diabetes free, heart disease free, sleep apnea free!!!!

Thanks for everyone of you who has held me up in prayer this past year. Many tell me they are amazed at how well I am doing. I am too. But I know one thing, God is the reason I have made it. Jesus has protected me from the fear and loneliness that could have consumed me. God's word has been so vital in my life and I am grateful for the time I can spend each day reading and soaking in the truths. I am so grateful for the heritage of my birth family that taught me the importance of making Jesus first in my life. My parents led by example. I have so very much to be grateful for.

I have chosen my life verse to be Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold with My righteous right hand."

Peace During a Storm

If you happen to read my blog, you probably recall reading the story of the unrest I had during the weeks that followed the 9/11 attack on our country. I was a mess. I admit it, I lived in fear, paralyzing fear. Not just a concern or looking at it as unbelievable, but heart stopping fear. I could not get my head to accept what my heart knew. I trusted God. I knew He loved me and my family and that nothing would come to harm us that He wasn't fully aware of and in control of. I still feared.

Now, many years have come and gone, I eventually started to live again and function. Today as we experience a different type of attack on our world, I do not have that fear. I don't fear the virus will harm me in a health sense. The concern I have is what the panic and fear is doing to our world. I look at the financial aspect, everyone everywhere will be losing money over this. Think of the hotels and venues that are cancelling events. They are not going to easily recoup their losses. It is sad.

But, what are we supposed to do? Do we panic and look to the days and weeks ahead and live in fear of a fall of our economy? Will that solve anything? No!! What we really need to do is be thankful for what we have been given in preparation for this catastrophe. Many people criticize social media, a huge dislike for the internet and how it has invaded our everyday life, and now, we can see it as a blessing. Many who fall into the category of "compromised" can remain safely quarantined in their home and still have contact with the outside world. People can go to church without going to church, not to say this is a good excuse for not being with others, at least the word can be heard without the risk or chance of exposure.

Just some thoughts I have had mulling around in my head. But mostly, I see the parallel to 9/11 and am so grateful that I am not back there. I am thankful that God has grown me in the past 19 years (and even before that) to really completely trust in Him. I pray the same for anyone reading this. Put your trust in God, He will sustain you.

My life verse has become Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2020 K-love Cruise

OK, I am keeping it short and not writing several chapters about this year's cruise. Why? Because it is too awesome to try to explain in words.

First day, we are waiting to board the ship. Dressed in our "God made us sisters, Prozac keeps us friends" t-shirts and our hair colored purple, (mine of course is natural and my sisters had to put color in theirs to match) we were sitting in the holding area.  Another cruiser noticed our shirts and introduced herself to us. She told us she is a nurse and the Prozac captured her attention. We started talking to her, got her brief story, she was traveling alone, first K-love cruise. We had an immediate sense of friendship. By the end of the day, we had officially adopted her as our sister and made it official by coloring her hair purple while we waited in line for the concert.

That was the first blessing of the trip...well not really first, but first big one. We spent the whole rest of the cruise as a now foursome. So, because we all felt such a kindred spirit with Sandy, we invited her to share a room with us next year. So, we will be officially a foursome Prozac sisters next year.

I went on shore at Grand Cayman and snorkeled for the first time. That was awesome and I cannot wait to do that again. Anyone want to run to Grand Cayman with me? I met some owners of an AirBNB and we can stay there.

Saturday we went to shore on Cozumel. I settled an year old dispute with Miguel (Juan was not there). But in the end, I walked away with a very pretty ring. Probably not yet worth what I paid for it last year, but it is pretty and Miguel made it right (maybe).

The artists were great this year. We ran into a few of them on the Promenade and other areas on the ship. I was able to tell Matthew West how his stupid song from 2 years ago ministered to me when I was at my lowest of low. It was a stupid song, but it gave me a laugh I so needed at a time when life seemed so bleak.

We met the Skit Guys. They were a hoot. Mike Goodwin was hilarious too and we were able to talk to him directly in the Windjammer as he and his family walked by.

I met up with some of my old acquaintances from previous years and sadly, rarely saw some, even though I think we were on the same ship. The ship is huge and if you don't have the same concert time, you rarely see the other people.

We met many people and were happy to bring back not only great memories, but we are honored to be able to carry others' burdens as well. I have added several to my prayer list and will be happily praying for those I met on the ship.

I will fondly treasure the memories from this trip and anxiously wait for the next.