Marriage

For so very long, I have been burdened by the encounters I have with married people who are struggling in their marriage. Jim and I were going to start a group to support and mentor couples in their marriage. We never got it off the ground before Jim died. The burden has not been lifted. I loved being married. I loved that we had such an imperfect marriage and that we knew how to fight and how to resolve. As I may have shared previously, we even had a "heavy" discussion just hours before he died. We were not in agreement about vacation, but we both knew that we would have to decide together what we were going to do.

So, with the burden, I have been putting a lot of thought as to what marriage is supposed to look like. In my opinion, marriage is a metaphor. God gave us marriage as model to understand Christ and the church. I know there are many who would differ with this opinion, but for some reason, that statement has been swirling around in my head for months. When I look at Christ and the church, we are often referred to as the Bride of Christ. If that is so, then he would be the husband. Christ set an example for us as to how we are to live our lives, sacrifice was the ultimate act on His part to offer us forgiveness of sin and security in an eternal life with him.

As I look at marriage, I know what I believe the whole point of it is. A good marriage (which does not mean perfect) is a good illustration of what our relationship with Jesus should look like. A human marriage is filled with flaws in comparison, face it, we live in a fallen world (Gen. 3). My thoughts lately have been regarding the man's role (after all, it is easier to be critical of the part that I would never be responsible to fulfill!)

The husband. I look this word up in the dictionary and of course it gives the usual definition. What we all already know (funny how dictionaires do that). But I knew there was a deeper meaning to the word. I have heard, "animal husbandry" so I was sure there was more of a meaning than "a married man". I scrolled down and found the one definition that applies to the role of that married man, "to till; cultivate". There, that is what I was looking for. A husband is not just the man portion in a marriage arrangement. The husband is the one who needs to till and cultivate. That is work. Sorry to say, beside the work that was related to the curse (Gen. 3) there is other work too that the man has to do. When we look at Christ as our husband, think of how many times we have heard the phrase, "the work of the cross". Really? That was work? I would think of it more as death, punishment. But, it was a work, because it accomplished what it set out to do. So, as husbands, men have a job to do, not only to provide finacially and protectively for the family, but to till and cultivate. I am so thankful I got to be the woman. A man's job looks pretty daunting if you consider all that is really his responsibility. How does a man till and cultivate in the family? I am sure that looks different in all types of situations, but primarily in order to be able to pour out yourself to the family, you need to be filled up first. Spending time in God's word, avoiding any area of sin, being available for what you are needed for...the list goes on and on. I feel most men know what they need to do, they often choose not to do it. The wife: God created the woman to be a helpmate to the man. Not a rug to be stepped on. Not a boss to overpower her husband and take on his role. To be a helpmate. That to me means a woman needs to do whatever is in her power to support her husband in his role as "husband". Oh sure, there will be times when we (women) just do it because we are sick of waiting around. That temptation is great, but at some point we realize, we have to let the man do his job-if we are doing it, he cannot. I could go on and on as to what we should do as women, but I think, just like I said about the husband, we also know. One of the greatest things about marriage that I ever heard came on a cruise when I heard Darren Mulligan (We Are Messengers) say this at the end of his concert, "Marriage is not about being happy. Marriage is about dying to yourself so that your marriage partner can live to the fullest in Christ." I love that thought, but as I thought about it over the years since hearing it, I am reminded that it goes both ways, one person only dying to the other is not the solution. It is the two people deciding each to die to the other. If it doesn't happen in both lives, it won't be correct. We really need to look at what dying to self in order to support our partner to live really looks like. What would that look like for you? What things do you need to change about you that would line up with that sacrifice? Thanks for reading this. I am no expert on marriage. I like to remember mine as good with a whole lot of struggle and work that went along with it, an imperfect marriage. I hope that this message blesses and challenges you.