The Last Week of Firsts

Catchy title? Maybe, but truth.

I have survived the first of many things, starting out right from the death, Easter followed quite soon. Then Mother's Day, Father's Day,  the 30th anniversary of the day we met, Jim's birthday, the rest of the major holidays of the year. Each one was tolerable and each one less anxiety provoking than I had expected. Friends were close by in the event that I would need a lift. I am sure with that and a lot of prayers, the year was actually not as bad as I had anticipated.

Then, this week arrived. I often times wish my memory would not be so great, I can remember really dumb insignificant things, this week being no exception.  Sunday was St. Patrick's Day and I wanted a reuben. He didn't want to go to Culver's so I went with a friend. He texted me while there and asked me to bring him home a reuben. I have no idea why that happened other than the friend I took was a widow also and maybe to get to know her better, God really orchestrated that lunch.

I recall the Monday that I volunteered to work a 12 hour night shift because work was crazy busy and they were short. I remember going to Madison to get Jim's bike because he wanted me to be with him. I took my Bible and read it to him on the way, because he told me to bring it along. He knew that my reading time was important to me, he didn't want to take that time away from me, but he wanted me to be with him. Then, Thursday he took his bike out for a spin.  He went to McDonalds for me that day as I frantically rushed out of the house to get to work, being called in because of a new baby arriving. Friday I have talked about already in a previous blog.

So, as of pretty much right now, I have passed the one year mark. I have felt every emotion possible this week and my tears have been flowing freely. I honestly believe the crisis the world is in right now has contributed to the pain of this week more than anything else. Being forced to stay in the house and not be out with people has made it especially difficult to navigate through the emotions. I am so grateful for technology that allows me to at least maintain contact with people. But, bottom line, the one "people" I would have chosen to be quarantined with is not here. I miss him. I will never stop loving him and I would never ever want him to have had to go through the Corona Crisis, not being out with people would have made him so sad. I am blessed to know he is virus free, diabetes free, heart disease free, sleep apnea free!!!!

Thanks for everyone of you who has held me up in prayer this past year. Many tell me they are amazed at how well I am doing. I am too. But I know one thing, God is the reason I have made it. Jesus has protected me from the fear and loneliness that could have consumed me. God's word has been so vital in my life and I am grateful for the time I can spend each day reading and soaking in the truths. I am so grateful for the heritage of my birth family that taught me the importance of making Jesus first in my life. My parents led by example. I have so very much to be grateful for.

I have chosen my life verse to be Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold with My righteous right hand."