Shocking December News

Where do I begin with the story of what has taken place over the last several days? A few weeks ago, when we realized I had two weeks of vacation with Christmas falling in the middle, Jim thought we should go to Texas for Christmas. I have a sister who lives in Austin, she has lived there since 1984. We have never made any effort to drive all the way to Austin for Christmas in all the years they have lived there. We all went to Austin in 2003 for Josh and LeAnn's wedding which was December 20th--so we celebrated together, but never have we ever made that journey specifically for Christmas.

This story may get long and details may seem strange, but this is a reflection of the things God has revealed to me today about how much he loves me, how much he cares about the tiniest most insignificant details of my life, and how he uses those things for his glory.

As we began our preparations for our trip, we knew Ryan had no school after Tuesday, the 21st. So, the plan was to leave on Wednesday, the 22nd early morning. We weren't thinking that Dan would be able to go along due to work and school obligations, so made our plans accordinly. When we told Dan of the plans, he said he could take off work only one day and with his last final on Wednesday afternoon, if we waited one more day, he could go along. So, we changed our departure date by one day.

We asked my mother if she would stop by and feed the cat while we were gone. She said she would rather we find someone who lives near us to do that. We were in a way put out, it was really no big deal for her (so we thought). But, we made other arrangements and just moved on.

On Saturday, I told Ryan we were going to church. He said he wanted to go to church with Grandma. It wasn't that he wanted to get out of going with me on Saturday night, and not where he wanted to go, he didn't care where, he just wanted to go to church on Sunday with Grandma. While Ryan and I were going to Rockford to church on Saturday evening, he told me he wanted to go to Panda Express for supper. Since I had put a roast in the crock pot, that was out of the question. I suggested he ask Grandma to take him for Chinese. So, Sunday morning, he went to church with Grandma and then to Panda Express for lunch. It was a special day he got to spend with Grandma.

Mom made cookies for us to take on the trip, not a couple of batches, but MASSIVE numbers of cookies. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she needed to send that many cookies with us, but we packed them all up and took them with. Jim and I went over to her apartment to pick up the cookies. Mom was very tired, but was planning her daily trip out to Rock Haven to spend time with Dad. She was tired, Jim commented that she looked pretty tired. She said, "Yeah, I am tired, I probably need to get out and walk more." She sat down in the lobby while we loaded the cookies into the car. Her usual routine would have been to stand out and tell me just exactly how to put each and every container into the trunk.

We rarely (never) get on the road very early for trips. Our intentions are always to get going early, but it never happens. For some reason (and I know now why) we got packed quickly and orderly, and were ready to head out the door by 3:30 AM. I drove until we stopped for breakfast. With limited traffic, we made very good time. We were very far ahead of schedule and the trip was going smoother than ever before.

We had a goal to make it to the south side of Dallas. We were just outside of Tulsa when a phone call came to my phone. Jim answered since I was driving. The one sided conversation was making me crazy. "What was going on?" I finally YELLED...."tell me what you are talking about...." Jim stopped the conversation and told me, "Your mother has had another attack, the paramedics are there now, she was a Kay's house watching her soap operas." Jim then went back to the phone and heard the remainder of the details. When he hung up, he told me that Mom had gone to Kay's apartment (her routine) so the two of them could watch soap opera reruns. They did this every night, either the soaps or a movie. Their friendship had grown over the years as Kay supported my mom during the early days of placing Dad in care, it just grew and grew. There was never a time when I was with Mom or spoke to Mom that she didn't say, "Kay said......." and I would be updated on the latest event in both lives or their thoughts on politics or the latest current event, etc. Mom started coughing and Kay asked her if she was all right. Mom--of course said yes. The next time Kay looked over at Mom, she was obviously gone, passed out cold and colorless. Kay activated the emergency system in the building and called 911.

We talked, had decided that we were too far into our trip to try and turn around to be of any use to Mom back at home. We made several phone calls to family to alert them of the situation. Renee was the closest by geography, she was called first. She was by far the closest to Mom and needed to be with her during what seemed to be her last hours. Renee started on her way. She called and told me she didn't know what she would do if Mom was on a ventilator knowing that she did not want to be sustained on life support. I told Renee that if Mom was on a vent and she didn't want to withdraw on her own, to wait. We trusted whatever decision she made. I assured her that I knew she loved Mom and would not do what Mom did not want.

When Renee arrived, Mom was on a ventilator and Dopamine to keep her blood pressure stable. Leila had been called and was on her way from Michigan. We only had the option of just waiting. When Leila arrived, she said she would not have even recognized Mom. During all this waiting, we just pushed forward to try to make it to Dallas.

Renee called and told us that the doctor told her that if they took Mom off the ventilator, she would die within 1-2 hours. I told my kids that Grandma was going to die this evening. Ryan said, "I never got to say good-bye," tears falling down his face. Ryan had just spent Sunday with Grandma--I remind him that spending time was more important than actually saying words. I promised him that he would have a chance to get to say good-bye.

I called Renee, nothing much had changed. I told her we needed to get a phone to Mom's ear. Ryan needed to say good-bye to Grandma. Within a few minutes, Renee called and Ryan took the phone and said his final good-bye to Grandma, then, Dan took the phone and said his good-byes. This led to the decision to call each of the grandchildren and have them say good-bye.

We pushed harder and arrived in Austin at 2:30 am. Exhausted, yes, but thankful that we made the decision to push our way to the end. Kathy and I needed to be together. Leila and Renee gave us updates. At around 4 we decided we needed to go to bed. I encouraged Leila to make the move to withdraw life support quickly. Not that I wanted my mother to die, but I did want my mother to not live in a permanent vegatative state and I knew prolonging life support may contribute to a longer waiting period for her to enter into her eternal rest.

At 5:58, my phone rang. It was Renee, she called and said, "Mom went home." Later, I spoke with Leila. This is what she revealed to me about Mom's last moments. They took the ventilator off and Mom awoke, totally aware of her surroundings and coherent to speak. She looked at Renee and Leila and said, "What are you doing here?" They explained that Mom's heart had stopped and she had been on a ventilator but was no longer. She asked! Then, they clarified with her that she did not want her life maintained on life support. She said, "I don't want to be on a ventilator." Renee once more said to her, "Mom, you will die if we don't put you on a ventilator, is this what you want?" Mom told her, I don't want to live on a ventilator. Leila asked her if she had remembered hearing from each of her grandchildren, she had not. So, Leila told her that each one had called and said their goodbyes and that they loved her. Within a few moments, her heart went into ventricular tachycardia and she passed out, revived again by God's intervention, was aware of her surroundings. Leila told her she was going to go rest, Renee told Mom she was going to go home to bed, and Mom said she wanted her to do that. Renee left and Leila went to rest in the waiting room. The nurse came to get her and she went into the room to see Mom pass into her next life. She called Renee, Renee had just made it to the parking lot.

We are so thankful for so many things. So many details of this ordeal were so orchestrated by God far before we had any thought that all of these things would happen.

1. Our plans to go to Texas meant we were with Kathy and Bob and family at a time when they normally would have been alone. Bob would have been in Illinois with his family had we not been coming down. Matt joined us in Texas, he would have been alone in Wichita.
2. We would have been the first ones to respond when Mom went to the hospital and potentially would have prevented the starting of the ventilator and possibly prevented Mom from having the last conversations with Leila and Renee--as well as making sure the grandchildren each were able to say their last goodbyes before she was gone.
3. Mom told Leila and Renee not to make any special plans to be with her for Christmas, so no one had to change or cancel their plans for the holiday.
4. Mom was at Kay's when she had her attack--she could have been alone in her apartment and not found until the next day--not having had the opportunity to hear from her grandkids and spend the time with Renee and Leila that she had.
5. Mom told us when we were getting ready to leave that she would not feed our cat. I was a little miffed that she wouldn't do that for us, but having said no, it allowed us the time to find someone else to take care of the cat, thus, we didn't have to find someone to do it while we are on our trip.
6. We left early in the morning, that put us much closer to Austin than we normally would have been by that time of day.
7. I called Mom while we were on the road to chat with her, I had a conversation with her just hours before she went to be with the Lord. During this time, she told me the results she had received the day before from her pacemaker check and that she had been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and would need to begin anticoagulation therapy.
8. Ryan insisted on spending Sunday with her, he had never done that before.
9. We spent Thanksgiving with Mike and Leila, Michele, Tim, and Oliver (and Tim's family).
10. She died over Christmas break allowing most of the family time to come home for the funeral when normally the long trip would not be possible.
11. This past summer we had a family reunion in which all but one person was there. He will be able to make it to the funeral.
12. Matt can go to Janesville with a passenger (Dan) and that will make his trip a little less boring.


I am sure there are many other things that as time goes we will see God's divine hand in all of this.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and for all the wonderful responses I have received.

Christine