The Continued Adoption Story

I had Ryan read the previous blog the other day and he said, "Where is the story of me?"

Well, there is a story, and here is some of it.

We had finished the legal aspect of adopting Dan and immediately put our application in for another child. We also had very busy lives with two businesses and I worked besides. Each time the state would call with a child, there just seemed to be too much going on at the time to think of adding another person to the mix. Years passed and it seemed as though we were probably just going to have Dan and that was all. We had not pursued any other children, we had pretty much resolved that a family of three was enough.

In March of 2000, we had just moved into the house we built for ourselves. Jim had been in the building business for many years and had built many custom homes. Since his business was thriving, he felt we needed to move out where we could have more land in order to have the supplies and vehicles we needed for our business. We built a house with a lot of garage space and a beautiful wooded area behind the house. We were getting yard work done and just getting settled in the house and the phone rang one day...

Jim was home alone, he answered the phone and it was a social worker from the state. She said, "There is a 2-1/2 year old boy who is in foster care, parental rights have been terminated, and he is ready to be placed for adoption. We found your name and we want you to meet him." Jim called me on my cell phone. I was on the way to the vet with our dog. He told me about the conversation and my immediate response was, "Call them back and tell them absolutely not." I was just not in the frame of mind to put myself through that all again. I was fine with how it was. He called them back and told them we were not interested. The social worker said, "Can you just meet him and then decide?"

Well, we agreed and this is what we saw when we went to meet him. He stole our hearts and we agreed at that meeting that he needed to be a part of our family. On the way back home, Dan was in the back seat and I could see his face in the mirror. I said, "Are you laughing?" and Dan said, "No, I am crying, can we go back and get him? Can we keep him? Can we go back tonight when they are sleeping and take him?"

We all had that same feeling but we waited through the process and on May 12, 2000, Ryan came to live in our home. It was all new to us, he was still in diapers and did not speak clearly enough for us to really know what he wanted. I took time off from work to get to know him. We had a great 6 weeks. However, it wasn't great for all of us. Jim struggled, he felt we had taken on too much. He felt the age difference was too great and the challenge of this young of a child was more than we could handle. There were many discussions, we sought counsel, life once again was filled with uncertainty that reminded us that we could really do nothing about some things that happen. I recall sitting in the living room one evening, having spent many many days and nights crying and praying that God would change Jim's heart, and Jim said, "I just can't do this." I said, "Jim, in all the time that I have known you, there is one thing I have never heard you say and that is 'I can't do this.' You have always worked through problems and I have never seen one too big for you." I don't know if that statement was the turning point for Jim, it seemed to have been, because I don't recall the pain or the question after that of what we were going to do with Ryan. He became ours even before we went to court and had it made legal.

I often say Ryan is our "oops" because he really did show up when we least expected. He had brought joy into our lives and a love of life like no other. We are thankful for his early years when someone chose to protect him and give him a foundation on which he can grow. He loves others, he loves kids, he loves life and we LOVE him.

Why Adoption?

If anyone ever hears Jim's side of our adoption story, it makes me out as one of those women who so desperately wanted a child. I have a different perspective on it from my side. I wrote earlier about my commitment to raising children to be Christians, if God would see fit to give me the chance to raise kids. I wasn't crazy about children, didn't dream of having some of my own someday and doing whatever it took to get some. I was not willing to go to extreme measures in order to become pregnant. When we didn't conceive, I wondered what God had in store for us and yes, I was a bit disappointed to not be able to have a child form inside of me, but I never gave up on the fact that I had made a promise to God that I would do what he wanted in this area.

So, the story goes--in my own words:

We had been told by one doctor (we being me) that it would be best to find another way to get children, he held no hope for me to conceive. He was heartless and cold and I was devastated. I had to hold it together in order to get home. I still cannot believe this person told me that when I was sitting in his office all alone, Jim had not gone to the appointment with me. I had my niece with me and she was in the waiting room. Rather than discuss the concerns with her, I had to fake being "ok" until we got home.

I never even considered asking or speaking to Jim about adoption. I knew his feelings on starting over in raising a family and I knew he would not even consider the possibility of going to that extreme. If it didn't happen naturally, I could not imagine going for an alternative plan. So, I rested in the peace that I was not in control of this situation.

Jim had decided to end his employment with the company he had been with for many years and go out on his own in construction. It was a good time for this to happen, we had nothing to tie us down and I could work and provide for our health insurance. So, he started working for a couple who wanted to restore an old house their family had owned. This family did medical foster care for terminally ill children. Sometimes they would also provide respite for foster parents who needed a break from their foster kids. One day, there was a van load of kids who arrived at the work site where Jim was. There was a young girl there who stole Jim's heart. He was told she was in foster care and waiting to be adopted. When he came home that evening, I found him in the back yard working on a tree that had been blown over in the wind. He said to me, "We have to adopt." I looked at him and wanted to ask what he had done with my husband.

I immediately called the woman Jim was working for. She told me about what they did and how to get in touch with the state to pursue adoption. We attended our first informational meeting in August of 1993. It was disheartening and we left there feeling defeated and sad. It just didn't seem that it would work out, they painted a horrible picture of what adopting a special needs child would look like. We were also warned against one particular social worker and to try and not have her be on our case. Well, as time went on, we got a call from the state and the information was given that we would be assigned a social worker and it happened to be the one we were warned about. We struggled with whether we should ask for someone else or let it go the way things were going and trust that it would all be for good. We decided to trust in the process.

Our home study was done and we felt comfortable with our social worker. Nothing looked as bad as the initial meeting had indicated. We were pretty ready and just needed to wait for what came next. In July of 1994, I got a call from the agency asking if we would be interested in a three year old who was in foster care in Madison. A boy. I, of course, was willing to take anything, I did however wait to say yes until I spoke with Jim. When we discussed it, he said he really wanted a girl but we could see how this all worked out. By the end of the next week, our hopes were shattered. They called and said he had been placed somewhere else and we would just need to wait for the next one. A few weeks later, they called back. Things had not worked out with the other family and they wondered if we were interested in pursuing this child they had previously called us about. We were by then very anxious about the whole process and said we were really ready to accept him. We also felt this child needed stability and we were ready to give it.

On August 25, 1994, we went to Madison to meet with the social workers and the foster parents to discuss the options. We planned a meeting the next day in order to meet this child at the foster home and introduce ourselves to him. On Friday, August 26, 1994, we met our first child for the first time. Since the foster parents were building a house and had a newborn, they were living in an apartment and had most of Danny's belonging in boxes. He warmed up to us immediately. We took him to the pool at the apartment complex and then went back to the apartment to visit. I read him the book, "Beauty and the Beast" and he listened intently. I then told him I had that movie at my house. He said, "I want to come there." I looked at Jim, he looked at me, we looked at the foster mom, and we said, "Let's take him now," and we did. We took the belongings he had in his room and loaded him in our van and brought him home. We called the social worker when we got home and told her we had him. She said she would have to get busy on the paperwork to get us licensed to be foster parents. So, she did and he never left being in our care. We had several friends with kids just a bit older, they showered us immediately with toys and clothes so that Danny would feel at home.

We had to wait for a lot of legal issues before we were finally able to adopt Dan legally. He was 5 years old when we went to court. On June 20, 1996, we became the full legal parents of Daniel James Knull. We loved him from the first glimpse we had of him running toward us from the apartment where he lived. We have loved him through the hard times and the good times and we have done what we could to be the best parents we could be. We have failed in many areas, fallen short in many areas, and yet, we are honored to have been given the privilege of parenting him. We want the best for him and we are so happy to see the young man he has become and the hard work he has displayed in getting his education.

I pray daily that Dan will have a relationship with the Lord. That is why he came here in the first place. I trust the same God who provided us with him will bring Dan to a realization that he was born for a purpose and that is to be one of God's own.