Dreams

Ok, as promised, the rest of the story!

I woke up this morning and remembered what I was dreaming during the night. The first part of the dream ( because most of my dreams are multi-faceted) started with Jim driving his truck in rainy hilly roads and me following somewhat close behind. Weird thing though, I was not driving, I was riding and Ryan was driving. I was firmly telling him to slow down, stop for stop signs, watch the road, etc. etc. Then I realized that we were not anywhere near home. We were travelling home from Iowa, but not on a road we would normally be on. I had no idea where we were needing to make a turn to head north to get from Illinois to home. I wanted to text Jim to tell him to tell me where we needed to go, then realized that he could not text me while he was driving. I pulled out a map (who has those anymore) and realized where we were and how we needed to get home, all this while living in fear of riding in a vehicle with Ryan as the driver.

It gets worse, if you can imagine!!!

We are now home, I get up out of bed and head to the bathroom. As I walk across the floor, there is an orange worm like creature crawling on the floor. It has black antennae and looked like a rubber ball but more tubular. It was BIG. I started screaming and jumped up on the bathroom counter. Jim came in to kill the creature. He started hitting it with something, I am not sure what. Every time he hit it, it multiplied. He kept hitting it and I kept screaming telling him that hitting it was making it multiply. (I love stating the obvious...especially to Jim) So, thankfully, I woke up. Jim said I was not screaming out loud but man, I felt like I had just run a race I was so out of breath and shaken.


This is kind of what the thing looked like, only it was more oblong. It was bright orange.

Tomorrow I Wear Black

I am not able to attend the Celebration service for Rosemary Mielke, however, I will be celebrating. "Black?" you say.  "Yes, black!"  I read the announcement for the service and at the very end it said, "No black." My immediate thought was, yes, she would not want anyone wearing a sad countenance represented by the color black. However, I would have to be the exception. Years ago, I was with Rosemary in the spring in Florida. She got dressed for church and had this WILD black outfit that I just loved. I knew it was still at Kohl's. So, when I got home, I went and got the very same outfit. I never wore that I didn't think of her. I have actually lost enough weight that the outfit was in a pile to get rid of. Thankfully, I am a chronic procrastinator and I was able to pull that outfit out of the pile.

So, tomorrow morning, when I get up I will wear black. Not to mourn the loss of my dear friend, but to celebrate her life. To celebrate how she lived life to the fullest. We are only temporarily apart and will be together some day. I can't wait to see what she does to the place!

Friday??

I thought I should hit the blog again, I have been meaning to get here but have been too busy trying to beat the next level of Candy Crush Saga that I haven't had the time. But, it is Friday night, Jim was watching football (which is my favorite sport--but for some reason I don't feel like watching it) and I had nothing much better to do as I await a reload of life on CCS!!

I was talking to a parent today and thought of a story I had to share before I get too old to remember and don't have it stored in permanent history. When Dan was in kindergarten, the first Friday he and I walked into the house and Jim was on the phone. I could tell he was talking to the kindergarten teacher. I said to Dan, "Do you know who Daddy is talking to?" He replied that he did not. I told him it was Mrs. Hutson He got a shocked look on his face and I thought remorseful. However, I was mistaken because his reply was, "Well, next year, I am not giving them my phone number."

Right then, I knew full well that I was in trouble. The next 12 years or so, I came to realize that the conversation that day was just the beginning. But, looking back now, I cannot believe the accomplishments that Dan has done. He graduated from high school, stayed at home and completed his first two years of school at the local university extension, then went on to the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater where he is about to complete his degree in history with plans to go into education. He doesn't really share his long term plan with me, but he has talked about taking the LCAT. If I am not mistaken, that has something to do with law...I am very proud of the young man he has become.

My Weight Loss Journey

This has been a long long journey and I don't feel anywhere close to the end of the road. I think the road will be one I travel for the rest of my life.

Where did it all begin?

I thought that once I hit 50 I would never be able to lose weight again, that I was destined to be FAT for the rest of my life. I didn't really even want to attempt another try at losing weight and keeping it off. I knew how to lose weight, I had lost the same 30-40 pounds many times. Why they kept finding me again is something I cannot figure out. I would get frustrated with none of my clothes fitting and then somehow clothes would show up in my closet that fit me. ( I think I may have bought them)

I don't hate to exercise, I have tried to have a routine most of my adult life. That has been hit or miss along the way too. I am not sure why I walk away from exercising on a regular basis, either I am bored or I just feel like the time commitment is too much. I like a variety of exercise and I do want to try new things and am willing to try different ways to exercise.

So, when my sister Kathy lost 50 pounds using Weight Watchers, I decided if she could do it, I could do it, after all, she has 7 years on me. Last April, shortly after this picture was taken, I joined Weight Watchers. I was faithful. I went every week, made sure there was time in my schedule to go every week, even if I had to go at different times. I just knew I had to be accountable to the meeting. But mostly, I had to be accountable to ME. If I let myself step away, I knew it would be hard to go back again. 

In May, I decided that in order to save my joints and enjoy exercising, I needed a bike. I went to Michael's Cycles and told them I was in need of a bike for leisurely riding. I had no idea that my riding would be anything but leisurely. I started riding my bike and thanks to the drought of 2012, I never had to miss riding due to wet weather. In fact, it only rained on me one time all summer while I was out. I rode that bike almost every day. Sometimes it was a short ride and sometimes it was a long ride. Sometimes it was a really long ride. Every time it was a GREAT ride (well, except for a couple where I thought I was going to puke).  My favorite story is the one where I was feeling really good and thought I should just go to the next road up before I made my turn toward home. I turned on the road, started going down hill quite quickly and realized that what goes down must go up....looked forward and realized I had a long way up in order to make it home. I couldn't do that, I had to get off and walk. The second hill was the killer and there was a guy in a truck who came by and offered help. I assured him I would make it, and I did. By the end of the summer, that was an easy ride. (I cannot wait until I get out there again) I also was working nights last summer and one day I woke up and said to myself, "If it is less than 100 degrees, I am going out." I looked at the weather on my phone and it was 99. I hit the road. It was hard and I was pouring my water over me by the time I was heading home, but I made it. 

Along the way, I had vacation that interrupted my progress. I ended up gaining 5 pounds during the week we were gone. The WW leader told me the average person gains 5-10 pounds over vacation. I was glad to be on the bottom side of average. I knew I could get it off, and within two weeks, I was well on my way to losing again. 

When it got too cold to be outside riding my bike, I knew I had to go to another method of exercise. I had joined a gym, but found that was just too much of a pain to try to arrange time to go. Exercising at home was the best answer for me. So, I dug out the exercise video I had bought over a year ago and decided to try them out. It has been awesome. I love working out in my basement. I sweat A LOT and love feeling like my workout is a worth my efforts. 

By Christmas, I was feeling pretty good about my weight loss. 

New Year's Eve, I ate way too much junk and realized that my choices of overeating was not even enjoyable any more. I was miserable and promised myself not to ever do that again. No matter how good the food tastes, over eating and indulging in carbohydrates was not something I would do again. 

I started going to Zumba with a friend. We hired a trainer and have been working on getting in shape for some races. 

So, nearly 50 pounds lighter, I am feeling great.  I ran my first 5K last Saturday. Well, I should say, participated in my first one. My time was better than I expected and I loved every second of the race. 

My new shoes for my first run.

 It has been a long year. The journey continues. Hopefully, now that I have made the year mark, I can keep on going. I still have weight to lose, but I am not as worried about getting large amounts off. I know it is a one day at a time, sometimes one bite at a time. One food choice at a time. One clothing size at a time. But it can be done. I hope that I have encouraged others to head in the direction of health and feeling good.

When I think of the reason I am going to Florida today, I want to just curl up in a ball and pretend that Florida doesn't even exist. I have made this flight so many times before, each one because I was going to spend fun times with my friends or take my kids to Disney World, this trip is so much more than any of the others I have made. This one is so bittersweet.
I don't say all this because I want people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to know my heart. I want to be seen as a friend who cares and who can't allow the last time to be the last time. I wasn't ready for that back then, I can't say I am ready now.
Rosemary and her family mean so much to me, we have had so many fun times together. She is that type of person I could only aspire to be. She is a loving wife--I falter, she is a great mom, displayed by children who chose to move to be close to her, long before the cancer became a part of her life. They didn't only show up in the end, they stayed close. I haven't witnessed a lot of her grand mothering, but I know when her only grandchild was a dog, she loved him like he was the only dog on the face of the earth. The one thing I have gotten to personally be a witness and recipient of is her greatness as being a friend. She is real. Although she oozes class (something I once again lack) she is still just so genuine. In the past few weeks of talking about her to those still close to me who know her, everyone pointed out how she is one of the warmest people they know. How she lights up a room and always smiles. I have not had much experience having a friend who has remained positive in the worst of circumstances. She lives life and she lives it well.
So, as I go to see her for what could be the last time on Earth, I pray for courage. I pray I won't sap out and spend the whole time crying and feeling my pain for the potential loss that I could soon experience. I pray I will live by her example and grab life and live it-- to the fullest. We WILL have fun, she told me so.
I love you, Rosemary. Can you please make sure I get to be at least in your block on the golden streets we will be on one day. Until then, may I remember what an inspiration you are and may I be something like you!

When the News Isn't Cheery

On a Saturday morning, a few weeks ago, I was in the middle of my workout routine. Jim came down to the basement and told me when I was done he had something to tell me. Well, I am not one to wait on those kinds of thing, no matter what the following sentence reveals. I want to know NOW!

I told him to just tell me, it couldn't be that big of a deal.

He preceded to tell me that he had seen a post of Facebook by a daughter of a good friend of ours. Our good friend, Rosemary Mielke, had posted the news and Jodi had re-posted her post. I didn't see the post by Rosemary when it went up (sometimes Facebook is odd). So, the post contained the news that Rosemary had received the word from her doctor that she has stage 4 liver and lung cancer and there is no medical recommendations for this. Short of a miracle (which because of our faith, we know still can happen),  she would have only a few months remaining in this life. The news hit me hard, very hard. This is one of those times when I realized the difference between the death of a family member and the death of a friend. I have never chosen a family member. My mother died, and yes, I loved her and  I was sad, but I didn't choose my mother. I have had cousins die, and yes, I loved them and I was sad, but I never chose my cousins. I have never had a close friend face death and I was not really ready to hear this news.

My first thought was how great of a person I always knew Rosemary to be. I loved thinking of her and the crazy times we have had together. But, I wondered, did she know? Does she know how much she has really meant to me over the years? Do we go on living our lives assuming people know how we feel about them? Yes, way too often. We chat and we get together, we laugh, we have fun, we cry together and we can hurt together and we can talk about people we don't like, together...but do we tell the other person what she really means to us? I don't think we do. So, my mission on that day following was to get it on paper, in writing, with my HAND and a pen just how much she really means to me. Four pages later, I had to stop and at least get it put in an envelope and sent. I prayed then that God would give me thoughts and memories of her. Throughout that week I was overwhelmed with things that reminded me of her. I wrote a letter each day, sometimes more than one, and sent them on to her. I didn't want to not share my memories...just in case the healing doesn't come.

There was still an emptiness that was not satisfied. I want to see her. I want to see her on this side of Heaven. I know I will see her there, but I want to see her here. One night at dinner, Jim said he wanted me to figure out a way to get down to see Rosemary. I just didn't see that as a possibility. When I shared the story of the news with several people, they all said, "You need to go see her." My reply was always, "I can't." I could come up with at least 20 reasons why I could not go. I work, I have a home to manage, I have Ryan who needs me here, I have issues with funding, I have Jim, I have...and the list went on and on. But the one thing that really kept me here was the thought of who am I that I think I deserve to get to see her? She has her family and they need to be with her, that is more important than her seeing me. But, I prayed about it and trusted the Lord to provide whatever means he chose and whatever way he saw fit to allow me to see her. I told my pastor's wife that I would maybe look at my schedule and flights but beyond that, I was not going to try to work out the details of a trip. I put it completely in his hands.

I have another close friend who lives in Florida. She is a couple of hours away from Rosemary and I thought there could be a possibility that I could work with her to get down there. She was willing to help me out in any way she could. I felt so blessed but then another idea popped into my head. We had spent last Thursday night in the Dells at the water park with a group we have gone there with several times. One of the people I ended up hanging out with there was Marcia Jordahl. Her parents winter in Florida. I asked her where they were and she told me near Ft. Myers. I told her my dilemma and she informed me that her parents have a guest room and would love to have me come there. My goal in all of this was to not place my visiting as a burden on any of the Mielke family. It is why I hadn't even mentioned the possibility to them because I didn't want them to feel they needed to worry about me.

When we arrived home from the water park, I checked the mail and there was a letter from Rosemary. She reciprocated and wrote a hand written letter and told me things she felt about our friendship. It was touching, and yes, I cried. But I cried hard and long when the end of the letter said she wanted to see me in the next couple of months and to call her daughter and stay with her. I knew that I had a plan that didn't need to impose on them, so I went with my plan. I sent a message to Annette Grover (Marcia's mom) and asked if I could stay with them if I were to be able to come. I had no idea how this would all work out, I still had a work schedule and the other issues. Annette replied and told me I was more than welcome to stay there and they have a van I can use while I am there. TEARS!!! God, you bless me beyond what I ever deserve.

So, next day, I went to work and sent a text to Jim to ask him to get me a ticket to Ft. Myers. He was able to do that and now, I am less than 24 hours from getting to see my dear friend. I cannot wait.

Thanks to the many people who encouraged me to take this trip and those who offered help along the way. Thanks to those who prayed for me, this is surely a huge answer to prayer.

I will update my blog when I return. I am sure there will be lots of great stories. We won't have much time because my trip is quick, but we will see each other, and that is the best gift I could have ever received.