When I think of the reason I am going to Florida today, I want to just curl up in a ball and pretend that Florida doesn't even exist. I have made this flight so many times before, each one because I was going to spend fun times with my friends or take my kids to Disney World, this trip is so much more than any of the others I have made. This one is so bittersweet.
I don't say all this because I want people to feel sorry for me, I just want people to know my heart. I want to be seen as a friend who cares and who can't allow the last time to be the last time. I wasn't ready for that back then, I can't say I am ready now.
Rosemary and her family mean so much to me, we have had so many fun times together. She is that type of person I could only aspire to be. She is a loving wife--I falter, she is a great mom, displayed by children who chose to move to be close to her, long before the cancer became a part of her life. They didn't only show up in the end, they stayed close. I haven't witnessed a lot of her grand mothering, but I know when her only grandchild was a dog, she loved him like he was the only dog on the face of the earth. The one thing I have gotten to personally be a witness and recipient of is her greatness as being a friend. She is real. Although she oozes class (something I once again lack) she is still just so genuine. In the past few weeks of talking about her to those still close to me who know her, everyone pointed out how she is one of the warmest people they know. How she lights up a room and always smiles. I have not had much experience having a friend who has remained positive in the worst of circumstances. She lives life and she lives it well.
So, as I go to see her for what could be the last time on Earth, I pray for courage. I pray I won't sap out and spend the whole time crying and feeling my pain for the potential loss that I could soon experience. I pray I will live by her example and grab life and live it-- to the fullest. We WILL have fun, she told me so.
I love you, Rosemary. Can you please make sure I get to be at least in your block on the golden streets we will be on one day. Until then, may I remember what an inspiration you are and may I be something like you!