Saying Good-bye to One of the Greatest Men

Not a clue as to why this never got finished. Obviously I got busy and didn't get to it. Well, here it is. sorry it is only almost nine years late...

I have spent the last week thinking of what words I could say to explain what losing my dad to death really feels like. I have wanted this day to come for around 5 years or more, yet, it came crashing down on me almost unexpectedly.

The call came on Monday that Dad was no longer able to swallow, that he was pooling his food and letting liquid run out of his mouth. I honestly knew what this meant. I had said to Renee several month or maybe even a year ago that when Dad quit eating, he would die. That was keeping him alive, and that was really all that was keeping him alive. So, that call was the beginning of the end in my view.

I called the sisters to let them know. I had no idea of how long we would be waiting, but I knew it was at least coming. On Tuesday while I was in a meeting at work, I had a call from the doctor who had examined Dad that morning. I returned his call on the way home and he informed me of really what I already knew. Dad is dying. On that trip home, I made several phone calls. I was thinking how great modern technology is, since I didn't have to wait to be home to make the calls, that hour drive ended up being a good time to get all the calls made that I needed to.

Jim, Dan, and I went to the nursing home when I got home from work. Dad was peaceful, more peaceful than I had seen him in years. He didn't have that look of confusion or wanting to be somewhere else, he just looked like he was resting. I prayed that he would feel the arms of Jesus opening to him and that he would pass quietly into his eternal home. Pastor Jason and Marty Schueller came to call on us. Pastor Jason shared scripture and some insight into how God's view is so different than ours. That dark comes before light, death comes before life, that certainly Dad was sitting on the edge of being born into his new life, one he had been waiting so long to experience. It was a most comforting thought.

Wednesday was the day Ryan was scheduled to have his wisdom teeth out. I had to take him to Milwaukee  Leila decided to come over on Wednesday and go home on Thursday so she could care for her grandsons. Matt was going to be flying in on Thursday and no one else had solid plans on what they were going to do.

Leila arrived and spent time with Dad. The rest of Wednesday is a bit foggy. I remember bringing Ryan home from the dentist, but I really cannot recall what happened the rest of that day.

Thursday we spent with Dad.  Renee came up to spend the day here. Dad continued to look peaceful although his breathing was becoming more irregular. The nurses began to medicate him to make the breathing less labored. We were on the phone to many people. Some were asking if they should come, others were content with not seeing Dad this way. Last minute plans were being made since we had decided to donate Dad's brain to research. We knew it was going to be soon. Matt arrived and by the time he came, Leila had decided against going back home. Michele assured her that she did not need to be at work the next day and Michele and Tim were coming over and bringing Mike with them so they could see Grandpa one last time.

Michele, Tim, Mike, Oliver, and Elliott arrive late evening on Thursday. The boys were treated to some chocolate ice cream from the staff at Rock Haven. They were pretty excited to be eating ice cream and it was so fitting since this was one of the last pleasures Dad had experienced in this life. 

Good Bye 2012...Hello 2013

I have been thinking of getting on here and doing my year and review. If I don't get to it, it will have to be 2013 in review!!

 So, let me see what I can remember about this year: Jim worked really hard at finding a boat. He found one that for sale in Kansas City and met the owner in Des Moines to pick it up. The late spring was spent getting ready to take her on her maiden voyage.

In April, we celebrated my dad's 80th birthday. I cannot recall how many people came to wish Dad well, but it was a great turn out. Although Dad didn't really know what was going on, he did have a sense that there was something special. He especially responded positively to his baby brother, my Uncle Richard. Dad also got to meet his newest great grandson, Elliott Michael Ashton who we welcomed into the world on March 20th.

After looking at the pictures of my sisters and feeling quite "heavy", I joined Weight Watchers on April 19th. In May I bought a new bike so that I could get some type of exercise that I enjoyed. I rode nearly every day all summer. We had a drought, which for bike riding purposes ended up being very good, I only got rained on one time all summer and never got to use the excuse of the wet weather to keep me back from my ride. I was working nights in the summer and one afternoon woke up, looked at the temperature and in my mind said, "If is is less than 100° I am riding." It was 99°, so I did it. I must say, it was the worst ride of the summer, but the most memorable.

In July we hosted the Siedsma family reunion. Not as many people were able to make this reunion as had been hosted by us back in 2010, but we still had a great time. Uncle Richard and Aunt Charlotte parked their new RV in our yard the week before the reunion and they spent their week helping us get ready for the big party on Saturday. It was a very special time with them, we had lots of fun and made some great memories. We even spent one day boating on Lake Koshkonong.

In August we headed to St. Louis for our family vacation. We try to do a trip each year the last week of August since Wisconsin schools start after Labor Day. We had a good time seeing the sites of St. Louis and spending time watching the Republican National Convention. Since the VP candidate was from Janesville, we had an added interest in the convention.


 September was the month when things were supposed to be back to routine and normal. It was going along nicely until we lost a tree in a big wind storm. One Saturday we had a family project of getting the remnants of the tree out of the yard and into our wood rack to dry in order to use for supplemental heat in the winter. We still had quite a bit of large logs that Jim worked on getting cut up with the chain saw on Wednesday the 19th. He came in that evening from working and said he had gotten very tired while out there and several times had to stop and catch his breath. The next day he didn't feel much better, complained of what seemed like gastrointestinal issues. Ryan came home from school feeling ill too. I diagnosed them both as having some kind of bug. By Sunday, Jim was miserable and not wanting to eat supper when I got home from work. I wondered how long he would wait to call his doctor but I didn't ask him. On Monday, September 24th, Jim and I had gone out for breakfast. While sitting in the restaurant, Jim decided to make that call to his doctor and before I could finish my meal, he was ready to head to the hospital. I drove him up to Madison and on the way there realized I was doing the one thing I had always known was the wrong thing to do, drive someone to the hospital when they are having a heart attack. Yes indeed, the diagnosis was heart attack and Jim was immediately taken to the cath lab and a stent was placed. He spent the next couple of days recovering there. It was time for a lifestyle change.


 October, Jim was going to cardiac rehab and so I decided I could work on splitting wood while he was gone. I was working with a friend of ours and running the wood splitter. In a brief second, my finger got between the splitter and the log and yes, one second of that pressure can crush a finger. I managed to crush the tuft bone of my left pinky finger. Not the worst thing that can happen, but a huge inconvenience. I ended up with a three week leave of absence from work.