Call Me Martha, But I Want to Be Mary

I was just brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed. I like to do this at night when I am tired, however, I felt compelled to come out to my computer and write these thoughts down before they escaped my mind. 

I just finished the book, More of God by R.T. Kendall. I loved the book so much that even before I had read two chapters I returned to the store where I had bought it and bought all of the copies they had. I want to share it with as many people as will read it. Yes, it is that good! I completed it tonight. One of the take aways I got was that he encouraged every person to spend 30 minutes a day in prayer, unless you are a pastor, then you should be spending an hour a day in prayer. 

I feel challenged and as I was brushing my teeth and thinking about taking 30 minutes to pray every day it hit me that I am a Martha. I really want to be a Mary, to sit at the feet of Jesus and just soak Him in. But this is what I do in my "Marthaness". I spend some time in my Bible daily and then kind of skip over my prayer list and mention everyone to God. Then, get busy getting all of the other things done that I need to. I often find myself throwing prayers up for certain things that come to mind throughout the day, but I do not sit at Jesus' feet and just soak Him in and commune with Him. He wants me to take more time to actually communicate and not just mention names or circumstances to Him. 

I remember for a season in my life that I spent lots of time in prayer, I had cards made out with categories and I prayed for every need on the cards. I also remember it took a lot of time. But most importantly, I remember how close I was to God at that time and how I saw Him moving in so many areas of people's lives that I prayed for. If you knew me then and you are reading this now, you perhaps were prayed for at that time. I got busy and life became "different" and I lost that routine. 

So, I am challenging myself as well as you, spend that 30 minutes in real prayer, not just running down the list, but seriously conversing with Jesus. I will for sure see a difference in my life, the people I am praying for lives, and I hope to see the same happen for you. 

Let me know that you are starting. Let me know if you want the book, I have already given one out. I want people to hear this message and get "more of God" in their lives. I also encourage you to get a Bible reading plan and do it. Make it your priority, you will not regret it. 

Thanks for reading me!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

 Those are three of the most painful words in some people's' lives. For others, it is just a greeting we hear every year, with some amount of sentiment, but really nothing we think about much. Just another greeting card holiday that restaurants and other retail places can make money as they focus on a theme. 

For me, I never look at Mother's Day as just another day. I really recall the pain of not being a mother and wanting to be for many years (which now looks like a few days in comparison). When I got married back in 1990, I knew there was a strong possibility that children would not be an option. But, I had prayed for a husband and made a promise to God that if He would provide a man, I would raise children to honor Him. When infertility was the obvious path we were on, I questioned why God would place us (Jim and I) together if He already knew that we would never conceive a child. Did He have a bigger purpose? Well, of course He did, He always does. 

So, come Mother's Day 1994, I made a silent declaration that I would NEVER go to church again on Mother's Day to be reminded that I am not one and to have that thrown into my face again. I know well meaning people say nice things, but the pain was raw and personal and I had had enough, could not do it any longer. 

That summer, in August, the dream I had of becoming a mother became a reality. We were given a foster child with the intention of adopting him when all of the legalities were taken care of. So, I never had to face another Mother's Day being motherless. 

Six years later, on Mother's Day weekend, we were blessed with another gift and our second son came to our family. It was the greatest Mother's Day gifts I had ever had. The question was answered, God did have a bigger better plan, He always does. Had we had our own biological children, who knows where these two would be? 

As I was sitting in church today, the pastor read a poem about motherhood. I nearly cried, one, thinking of those who aren't mothers and want to be, two, thinking of those who are motherless, and three, thinking of the shortcomings I had as a mother. I was not that good at it. I fell way short in so many categories. But, I did complete the task and both of those sons are now men. 

So, if you are in a category where this day is not great for you, know that I understand.