Peace During the Storm

Several weeks ago, when this whole thing started and the recommendations were to start social distancing, flattening the curve, safe at home, etc. I was quickly reminded of the crisis I had suffered shortly after the attack of 9/11. I refer to this often in my life because that event shook my world. I was a mess beyond all messes. When this all started with Corona, I vowed I would trust in God and not allow myself to go where I had gone in 2001.

Well, as strong willed and determined as I am, that resolve left me on Sunday evening. While I was at work there was an overhead page for a "medical emergency." That means, someone was dying. Then, of course, we all paused in our thoughts in realization that it was a person with the virus. Then, it became more real than ever. When reading reports about the death toll and those infected, it doesn't become quite as real as it does when you know someone is slipping away in the very building where you are standing. Reality!

Our future will no doubt lead to those close to us leaving this world too. We don't know where and when this silent killer will hit. I don't like not knowing, but then again, I don't really want to know either. It is a difficult view to balance. It reminds me of the teeter-totter and being up and then down and then up and then down. It is hard to hit that middle and stay there both on the playground and in life. At one moment I realize all of this is in God's hand ultimately, and then I push that off and I am doubting the security that I know is there. I am sure I am not alone in that uncertainty and conflict.

I read scripture, many have come to mind in this time. I cling to those verses that give hope and assurance that God will not walk away from this. I often feel it is His way of getting our attention. But, are we seeing that? Not everyone. That is another area I struggle with. What about those out there who will face their eternity soon, where are they going to spend eternity? How do we make sure the message of salvation is clear and available? How do we share it without sounding like "doomsday" evangelist? It is hard. Any time I spend with people, it is with people who don't have a relationship with Jesus. It is hard to draw from others when they cannot offer hope. That is when I really have to remember to trust in Jesus. I pray for opportunities to share the gospel, but those don't come often. It is a continual challenge and has become even more so with this pandemic.

I also struggle with the feeling that this may be the beginning of the end. If so, our mission is even greater. Not one of us is going to get out of this life and not face the judgement. How can that message be sent clearly and how do we do our part? This is a struggle I face daily. Am I doing enough? NO! I don't even have to think about that answer. So, I pray that I can be used and that the Holy Spirit would lead people to me to give them the answer to hope in a very dark world.

If you are reading this and do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, if you don't really have the assurance that when you leave this life you know you will be forever in Heaven, please consider making that a for sure in your life. It required not work on your part, it only requires full surrender to Jesus. Ask Him to take control of your life, to forgive you for your sin, and to live inside you through the Holy Spirit. It is as simple as that. No hill to climb, no works to be done, the work was done by Him on the cross. Please take His gift of salvation and be assured of where you will spend eternity.

Let me know if you need to know more.

The Last Week of Firsts

Catchy title? Maybe, but truth.

I have survived the first of many things, starting out right from the death, Easter followed quite soon. Then Mother's Day, Father's Day,  the 30th anniversary of the day we met, Jim's birthday, the rest of the major holidays of the year. Each one was tolerable and each one less anxiety provoking than I had expected. Friends were close by in the event that I would need a lift. I am sure with that and a lot of prayers, the year was actually not as bad as I had anticipated.

Then, this week arrived. I often times wish my memory would not be so great, I can remember really dumb insignificant things, this week being no exception.  Sunday was St. Patrick's Day and I wanted a reuben. He didn't want to go to Culver's so I went with a friend. He texted me while there and asked me to bring him home a reuben. I have no idea why that happened other than the friend I took was a widow also and maybe to get to know her better, God really orchestrated that lunch.

I recall the Monday that I volunteered to work a 12 hour night shift because work was crazy busy and they were short. I remember going to Madison to get Jim's bike because he wanted me to be with him. I took my Bible and read it to him on the way, because he told me to bring it along. He knew that my reading time was important to me, he didn't want to take that time away from me, but he wanted me to be with him. Then, Thursday he took his bike out for a spin.  He went to McDonalds for me that day as I frantically rushed out of the house to get to work, being called in because of a new baby arriving. Friday I have talked about already in a previous blog.

So, as of pretty much right now, I have passed the one year mark. I have felt every emotion possible this week and my tears have been flowing freely. I honestly believe the crisis the world is in right now has contributed to the pain of this week more than anything else. Being forced to stay in the house and not be out with people has made it especially difficult to navigate through the emotions. I am so grateful for technology that allows me to at least maintain contact with people. But, bottom line, the one "people" I would have chosen to be quarantined with is not here. I miss him. I will never stop loving him and I would never ever want him to have had to go through the Corona Crisis, not being out with people would have made him so sad. I am blessed to know he is virus free, diabetes free, heart disease free, sleep apnea free!!!!

Thanks for everyone of you who has held me up in prayer this past year. Many tell me they are amazed at how well I am doing. I am too. But I know one thing, God is the reason I have made it. Jesus has protected me from the fear and loneliness that could have consumed me. God's word has been so vital in my life and I am grateful for the time I can spend each day reading and soaking in the truths. I am so grateful for the heritage of my birth family that taught me the importance of making Jesus first in my life. My parents led by example. I have so very much to be grateful for.

I have chosen my life verse to be Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold with My righteous right hand."

Peace During a Storm

If you happen to read my blog, you probably recall reading the story of the unrest I had during the weeks that followed the 9/11 attack on our country. I was a mess. I admit it, I lived in fear, paralyzing fear. Not just a concern or looking at it as unbelievable, but heart stopping fear. I could not get my head to accept what my heart knew. I trusted God. I knew He loved me and my family and that nothing would come to harm us that He wasn't fully aware of and in control of. I still feared.

Now, many years have come and gone, I eventually started to live again and function. Today as we experience a different type of attack on our world, I do not have that fear. I don't fear the virus will harm me in a health sense. The concern I have is what the panic and fear is doing to our world. I look at the financial aspect, everyone everywhere will be losing money over this. Think of the hotels and venues that are cancelling events. They are not going to easily recoup their losses. It is sad.

But, what are we supposed to do? Do we panic and look to the days and weeks ahead and live in fear of a fall of our economy? Will that solve anything? No!! What we really need to do is be thankful for what we have been given in preparation for this catastrophe. Many people criticize social media, a huge dislike for the internet and how it has invaded our everyday life, and now, we can see it as a blessing. Many who fall into the category of "compromised" can remain safely quarantined in their home and still have contact with the outside world. People can go to church without going to church, not to say this is a good excuse for not being with others, at least the word can be heard without the risk or chance of exposure.

Just some thoughts I have had mulling around in my head. But mostly, I see the parallel to 9/11 and am so grateful that I am not back there. I am thankful that God has grown me in the past 19 years (and even before that) to really completely trust in Him. I pray the same for anyone reading this. Put your trust in God, He will sustain you.

My life verse has become Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."