Our Last Friday

Well, here it is, two weeks ago since I had my final day on earth with Jim. I hope this story just brings to light how many details and seemingly insignificant things become so meaningful.

I had been working a lot of hours in a very busy and stressful job. The Monday leading up to this significant Friday, I had offered to work a night shift rather than my usual evening shift. So, I went to work at 7 pm that Monday and worked until 7 am Tuesday. During that night I began to feel a scratchy throat and knew that there was a huge potential that I was heading into a bout with the crud. So, Tuesday I tried to get as much rest a possible in hope to push off the illness. I was feeling a bit under the weather still on Wednesday but not enough to not go to work. As you have read (see "Let's Start with Thursday), I had an exhausting day. I came home Thursday night ready to spend the whole weekend working toward getting over the illness and getting as much rest as possible.

One other thing happened on Thursday that I had forgotten to tell about. Jim and I had a text conversation about whether or not we should cancel euchre on Friday because of low numbers. Our conversation went something like this:

 (Admitting I was right may have just been why the rest of this story is significant!)

Jim did his usual run to Bass Creek for breakfast Friday morning. He would usually go to breakfast without me because he knew I loved to sleep in. I needed that rest even more so this day than ever. I was so exhausted and really feeling sick. I slept until close to noon and pulled my body out of bed only to make it as far as the sunroom where I lazed around in my pajamas. Jim was concerned about my being sick and staying in the house all day on such a beautiful sunny day. So, he suggested that he take me for a ride. We always find it great fun to go look at how high the river gets during the spring thaw. So, he suggested we head toward the river. I asked if I could stay in my pajamas while we went. He informed me that he preferred I dress for the occasion.

I got dressed and we headed out. First stop, the gas station. When we got into the car, the radio was playing. We have satellite radio in both of our cars and we often listen to only one station. "The Message" was on his radio and they were interviewing Steven Curtis Chapman because he had a new album out. They usually repeat these types of interviews throughout the day and this was not an exception. Jim immediately alerted me to the fact that he had already heard this one. I asked if we could keep it on since I had not yet heard it. He agreed. He knew how much I cherish Christian music and how I love to hear the hearts of the people who write and sing these songs. So, when we arrived at the gas station, he said, "I'll just leave the car running so you don't miss out on hearing this interview." We proceeded to the road when the transaction was complete and he decided to go the opposite way from how we would normally go. As we drove toward our desired destination,  SCC said that he had recorded a song with his daughter-in-law. They played that next and the song is "How Great Thou Art." Jim was not a singer, rarely sang in the car, but during this particular song, I heard him singing along. Little did I know what was soon to come and I was witnessing his last time of singing off key and probably getting the words wrong too. When the interview was over, he turned the radio off. 

As we got toward downtown, we discussed which way we should go, stating names of streets and whether each one would take us across the river. We opted to go up Delavan Drive and had a conversation about how the GM plant was coming down ever so slowly. When we got to the top of he hill and stopped at the light, I told Jim of a time that I avoided this corner at all cost when I had my car with manual transmission. We laughed about how stupid that was of me and how finally I faced that fear and came to realize my car did just fine at not rolling backwards. I then asked if we could go to Mocha Moments. I love coffee and really wanted a coffee cake from there. He of course agreed. He was set on making this time about me and what I wanted to do. So, we ended up at Mocha and realized that our long time dear friend, Ann Genrich was working there. She had just finished her shift and had some time to sit and chat. We talked about getting together to go out to eat and promised that we would get some time in this summer riding bikes. We headed out and went toward the river.

We drove down River Road and then on to Afton Road. As we passed by Bass Creek Cafe and Grill, Jim talked about his concern for Dave and that he really hoped he had made a decision for Christ. We circled around and followed a car whose driver was clearly driving while texting. Sure enough, when we passed her, I looked over and saw she was indeed on her phone. We complained about how stupid that was and this lady was older, should not be trying to do both. We got to 51 and headed north toward home. As we continued on our journey, Jim told me he had put some money in a drawer and also told me where some important paperwork was. I filed that information in my "don't really need to know this" file. We then talked about the issues we were having with Ryan and the continued difficulty we were experiencing in trying to parent this "adult" child of ours. I apologized to Jim for seemingly leaving all the responsibility of this on him. I told him I wished I could devote more time to helping Ryan succeed but my work life was too hectic to be able to devote that time to him. I thanked him for doing all that he was doing and reminded him that he had only 7-1/2 years left to have to do this job.

We had a long(ish) standing joke about Jim's "expiration date." When we were looking to downsize and trying to find a place to live, Jim was making this task very difficult. Jim had been a general contractor for years and if you knew how he built his houses, you knew that he never cut a corner or skimped on anything. NEVER!! Finding a house that was suitable for him was no easy task. He had it limited to about three possibilities. As we looked at houses built using less quality, Jim would quickly eliminate them from the list. I became quite frustrated in the process and told him one day, "You are only going to live 10 more years, you don't have to worry about some of these things, you'll be gone before they become an issue." He took the joke well and it became one that we used quite often. We were able to find a place to live that suited all of his requirements, but I often jokingly reminded him of his "expiration date." This day was no exception to that joke.

Our conversation then turned to some really practical stuff, like that fact that the basement was smelling more and more like cat urine and he wondered what was going on with the cats. I informed him that I hadn't been in the basement for quite some time. He knew I had an issue with facing things I didn't want to face and avoiding situations that make me have to do something I don't want to do (as in, avoiding the hill with my manual transmission). He pointed out this fault of mine and I admitted I may need some counseling to get over this issue. Then he decided that since he was on a roll, he could tell me what else I did't do right.

"You are terrible about telling people you appreciate what they do for you. You really don't thank people enough when they do nice things for you," he said. I was taken back by this, not angry or hurt, but concerned that I came across that way, I would never want people to not know I am grateful.


When we got back home, I promptly put my pajamas on and plopped myself back in the spot I had left for the ride. I took a nap and started to feel a little better.  He told me that tomorrow we would get in the car and go somewhere for another ride. When I asked where, he said we would see tomorrow, wherever we chose. We had a brief discussion about what we wanted to do for our fall vacations. We had done two nice trips in the last two years and wondered what we could do this year. I talked about our plans to do the Alaskan cruise for our 30th anniversary next year. He alerted me to the fact that he had no desire to do that trip. I was disappointed, I thought we were in agreement on that, however, he was not. We talked about the Grand Canyon and discussed how we could work it out to drive out there as he had developed a huge dislike for flying. We tabled that discussion before it got to a point of being a huge conflict. He decided it was time for supper.

I chose to not eat supper that night because I was on WW and didn't really have anything I could eat. We hadn't grocery shopped for a long time. I grabbed a yogurt and Jim heated up some left over meatloaf. As he was eating it, he told me it was very tasty. When he finished, he almost immediately started saying how he had eaten too much and his stomach was upset and he wished he hadn't eaten so much. Wished I hadn't "made" him eat the meatloaf. I questioned in my mind why he would have over eaten when it was left overs and was the meatloaf bad? I offered some help to relieve his nausea and belching. He pretty much told me he didn't want me hovering over him while he felt so crummy. So, I went back to my chair and continued watching television. I lost track of time and wasn't really paying attention to TV or anything as I played games on my iPad. I realized it was late enough to go to bed, so got up to head that way. I honestly lost all track of how long had passed since I had last heard anything from Jim. As I stood up thinking of heading to bed I thought Jim must have just gone to bed since he was feeling sick. When I stood to go to the kitchen, I realized the bathroom light was still on. I started talking to Jim before I saw where he was. I asked if he felt any better. Then I looked down as I walked toward where he was and saw his body slumped over between the sink and the toilet. I screamed his name and touched him. I realized what condition he was in and ran to get my phone from the bedroom. I found it was a whole lot more complicated to call 911 than I always seemed to make it out to be while I taught CPR. I did have enough sense to open the front door and turn on the light as I called. Then I returned to the bathroom and pulled him down to the floor and started CPR. I did follow my own advice and put the phone on speaker while I did chest compressions. However, being a nurse most of my life, I knew that he was gone and really my attempts were futile. The dispatcher assured me that it was good to continue and when helped arrived they would have more options to help him. It seemed an eternity while I tried to bring back life to him. I prayed and cried out to Jesus while I tried to make the blood circulate and revive him. Five minutes later the paramedics arrived and took over.

I had the church's emergency number in my phone. I called there first. Pastor Andrew picked up and I explained that Jim was in dire straights and I needed help. He was here instantly.  I headed outside so as not to hear the work that the medical team was doing, but not before I heard the monitor go on and  the familiar sound of a flat line. I attempted to find the boys. I knew Dan had been in town and figured he was still at his game night. I called and got his voicemail. I left a message for him to call me immediately because Dad is very very sick, if even alive. Then I attempted to find Ryan. He was also out with friends somewhere. I don't recall if I got ahold of him right away. Dan called me back or sent a text saying he was on his way and Ryan called me back to see what was going on. I had to reassure him that it was necessary to drive carefully home. I would tell him what he needed to know when he got here. Dan was sure that it was just going to be like any other time of Jim having to be taken to the hospital for heart issues. Ryan arrived first and by this time the paramedics had informed me that they had done all of the necessary medications for resuscitation and that he was in asystole with no response to treatment. Pastor Andrew broke the news to Ryan. I made several more phone calls, alerting Kathy, Mickey, Michele right away. Then later went on to notify more family members. Pastor Drew walked in, then Pastor Jaime. I was at that point in time starting to realize just how big my circle of support is and felt so comforted in knowing that God was going to carry me through this next season of life.

Jim was gone from this earth. There was no doubt as the boys and I observed the shell that once housed his soul. I was so at peace knowing that he was now receiving his heavenly reward and singing in tune. I am not sure I was prepared for the days to come and the blessings that I was about to be the recipient of, I did not have a clue as to how people were going to come through for me.

So, the story goes on, and I will continue to write. But for now, that was Friday.