Memories of a Memorial Service

I stayed up until 3:30 am on the morning of Mom's memorial service. I was determined to get this slide show to work from my Mac to a PC format. I got it to work once, then, it would not work again no matter what I did. I did the right steps because I had done it once before. When I finally decided to give it up and we would take our Mac to the service and play the slide show in a corner rather than on the big screen, I knew that it was because Mom would have liked it better the way it happened. I am glad that even though we tried to do something she would not have liked, it worked the way she liked it.

I am adding the eulogies here that Ryan, Renee, and Leila and I read at the memorial service.

Hope you enjoy and once again, thank you for all your kind words and thoughts that have been expressed to us in this time of loss.
Christine

Renee said:
As a child I believed that my mom was the meanest person in the world. She made us clean up our plate, clean our room, be home by curfew, do our homework, go to church---and I believe she violated child labor laws with all the work she expected us to do around the house. If she snapped her fingers at us in church, we knew we were in big trouble when we got home.

Through the years, though, I grew to appreciate Mom’s strict discipline. We became closer and I learned to see the wisdom in what she taught me.

I remember one time when I was 32 years old, we went out to dinner. The meal I got was huge and after I was full and still picking at it, she said, “You really don’t have to clean up your plate.” Wow! That was liberating!!!

As I faced my own challenges in life, I came to understand Mom much better. I watched her suffer through multiple health problems as well as the decline of my Dad’s health. She didn’t like to share her pain with anyone. She carried her own burdens with minimal complaints.
She cried alone—and I know she cried a lot without anyone seeing her do it.

I believe it was at Mom’s 70th birthday party when one of her friends recalled when Mom & Dad moved to Janesville in 1973; Dad asked Mom to stand up and tell about herself. She said simply, “What you see is what you get.” That was my Mom. She was what she was, and she didn’t spend a lot of energy worrying about whether people liked it or not. She was what she was, and I believe she gained admiration from a lot of people with her ability to do that. My mom was unpretentious. She could prepare meals for evangelists, missionaries, bishops, or other visiting dignitaries. She’d pull out the best tablecloth, set a perfect table and prepare a good homecooked meal without appearing rattled or stressed, and she would humbly accept any compliments that might be offered.

In a conversation recently about the many “road trips” she & Dad used to make, she said, “We sure had a lot of fun!” If you have ever heard the stories of their travels, perhaps you would, as I, not consider them to be fun at all, but she had fond memories of the times they had together. She definitely lived in harmony—(or was it submission?) with Dad!

Mom & I became very close in the past few years. We’d talk on the phone sometimes 2 or 3 times a day and never less than once a week. No matter how often we talked, we ended every conversation with “I love you.” We often spoke about the fact that each conversation we had might be the last and we should plan accordingly, and so we did.

On my way to the hospital last Thursday night¸ not knowing if she’d still be alive when I got there, I was comforted by the fact that the last thing we said to each other was, “I love you”. When I left the hospital early Friday morning I didn’t say “good-bye”. I said, “I love you, Mom….See you later.”

Ryan said:
The last Sunday Grandma was alive; I spent the day with her. We went to church together to see the Christmas program and I asked her to take me to Panda Express. I know she probably didn’t want to go to Panda Express for lunch, but she took me there anyway. I am glad I got to spend the last Sunday with my grandma before she went to Heaven. Now she gets to go to church with Jesus.
Grandma liked to come over a lot without us even knowing. She would always just walk in without knocking. Lots of times she would come to our house when we weren’t home, she would call us and say, “Where are you guys? I am at your house.” I always loved it when that happened. Many times she would have some food she thought she would like and didn’t, she would bring it to us then. We were like her human garbage disposal. We liked having her come over. Grandma really liked sitting on our screen porch.
Grandma was always putting puzzles together, whenever I would go to her place, I would help a little with her puzzles. She always let me watch TV or get on her computer when I would visit her.
One thing I will miss about Grandma is that she won’t be able to say, “Ryan, where’s your coat? Put on your coat, you are making me cold.” He then said, "Grandma, this is for you..." and put on his coat.

My thoughts:
I never really thought I would be at a place to eulogize my own mother, I never thought I would want to. However, the last few days have made me realize that I may never get another chance to tell my story of my mother to such a captive audience.

In many ways, Mom left this life the way she lived this life—orderly and getting in a final word so that no one would ever say, “I wonder what Rita thought about…” She didn’t have a prolonged death experience as some people with terminal debilitating diseases have. She would not have wanted it that way. She was obviously suffering, but did any of us really know? No, because she was never one to let physical weakness overpower her abilities. Just two days prior to her home going, she baked and packed up dozens of cookies for us to take on our trip to Texas. She was tired; we thought from baking cookies, she never let on that it may be from something else.

She rarely let anything get in the way of going to see Dad at Rock Haven, even the day she got out of the hospital from getting her pacemaker placed, she made me take her to see that Dad was doing all right.
She was also a devoted friend, no matter how bad she felt or bad the weather was, she made sure she spent each evening watching recorded television shows, even soap operas, with her friend Kay. When Kay moved into her building, there was never a reason not to be there every evening.


Many of you are here today because Mom was a faithful servant of Jesus Christ. I have received messages in the past days of how much my mother meant to many of you and in so many different ways. Someone said her smile encouraged, one said a Christmas ornament handcrafted by Mom sits at a special place on her tree every year, reminding her of my mother, others ate lunches and shared conversations with her. She left her mark on many lives.

Mom won’t be remembered for sweet flowery words, she was not that kind of person. She did have a special place in her heart for her children and grandchildren. Matt, the first grandchild, needs a haircut and a shave, Michele—Grandma would have corrected you in some way, if she had ever needed to, LeAnn—deodorant, Jimi— she never spared the rod, or the fly swatter, or the wooden spoon… Dan—make sure you tell people what to do with their receipts, Ryan—where’s your coat? Leila, Kathy, Renee, and myself—we were all her favorites each for our own personalities and individuality. Sons-in-law—she never missed an opportunity to let you know what she thought of your latest idea or plan for her daughters……in the long run, fully supportive of the decisions each made.

I know Mom was proud of the accomplishments of her children and grandchildren, although she may have never told us specifically, I know from hearing from others that she “bragged” about us. When preparing to return home from Texas, as I was cleaning up the kitchen and we were all rushing around getting ready to leave, I just knew Mom would be proud of us for doing this all “her way”. She appreciated it when we valued what she said and did as she suggested; she continues to have a purpose.
Mom was not gifted with eloquent words but her heart spoke of what she really desires in life—that is for each one to find that relationship with Jesus that leads to a life in Heaven with him. I believe she would want this to be crystal clear to each and every one.

She was a loyal wife, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and friend.

Leila said:
Rita Mae (Donahue) Siedsma
June 27, 1932-December 24, 2010
Who is Rita? She grew up on a farm as the eldest of eight surviving children. She did not have a lot of formal education, because there were other responsibilities that took priority over that when she was a teen. In 1950, at age 18, she met Andrew Siedsma where they were both factory workers at Admiral in Harvard, IL. Before the end of that year, they married, having to acquire parental consent for Andy.
Their family, which would eventually be of four daughters, began right away. They lived in Huntley, IL on a farm, and Andy drove into Woodstock to work at Auto-Light Industries. When it was time for Leila to start to school, they moved to Woodstock with their three daughters, Leila, Kathy and Renee, and Rita began working second shift at Auto Light so that they could trade off childcare between the two of them.
Rita and Andy both valued spiritual training and wanted to raise their children with Christian values, but since Rita had been raised Catholic and Andy was Protestant, they couldn’t find a middle ground that worked for them. They began to attend a Protestant church, but were offended when a pastor drew attention to their crying child during a worship service. So they didn’t return there.
In 1959 Rita’s brother was killed in an accident in Europe while serving in the Army. He was barely more than a teenager, and this event was devastating for them. They began to search for the bigger answers to life. At that same time, they were in the process of building a house in a new subdivision. They discovered that one of their neighbors there had been a close school friend of Rita’s, Josie Johnson. Wayne and Josie Johnson had found a church that was very alive and relevant for young families, and they invited Andy and Rita to come with them to a Sunday service. They entered the Free Methodist church one Sunday and were greeted by the son of a tavern owner they had previously been acquainted with. They recognized that this man’s life had been turned around. Before they left that Sunday morning, they heard the message of God’s love for them—that Jesus’ coming was about bringing forgiveness and new life to anyone who would receive Him. They had known the facts of Jesus’ life, but they had never understood the relevance it had to them personally. They accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior that morning, and their priorities and life totally changed around.
By that time, Andy had changed jobs and was employed by the Post Office. Over the next eight years, they added another daughter, Christine, to the family and they continued to make friends with other Christians and learned how to walk a life of faith and commitment to Christ. Andy heard Jesus call him to become a pastor, and in 1966, took his first Free Methodist assignment to two churches in Morris, IL and Fairbury, IL. Rita went willingly, but was concerned about how they would survive financially. She took cake decorating classes that she thought might help her supplement their income. That wasn’t the answer. She worked part-time cleaning at a motel, and became good friends with the owners and other co-workers.
Rita was always interested in people and their lives. She never missed a day of reading the newspaper to learn what was happening with people. She reached out to serve the needs of the people in the church and around her. She was always a “back stage” person—her most popular role in the church involved the kitchen and anywhere that hard work was being done. She met and ministered to people as she worked alongside them doing the practical things.
Rita became an accomplished self-taught seamstress out of necessity, to save money on clothing and doll clothes. After becoming a Christian, her girls had new Easter and Christmas dresses every year—skillfully sewed by her. For each of the daughters’ weddings, Rita sewed dresses for the brides and bridesmaids. She organized the catering of the wedding receptions, and decorated the cake for Leila’s. Rita and Andy became a kitchen team, also. They cooked for church camps and other church events over the years.
Over the years Rita took up other practical hobbies. She crocheted doilies that decorated her home and afghans and mittens for her own use and also as gifts for others, including her grandchildren when they arrived.
After Andy retired from pastoring, they moved to Eunice, MO to live near some of his siblings. They became active and supportive in the church they attended there. Rita joined a Quilting Club to meet new people and to learn how to sew quilts. She enjoyed the social interaction with the other ladies and made beautiful quilts for each of her six grandchildren over the years.
Rita always enjoyed potlucks and family dinners. She loved trying out new recipes and interacting with people around the table and in the kitchen. She loved hosting the family Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings for as long as she was able. She seemed to thrive on the noise and confusion of the crowd of people who loved, lived and laughed together.
She didn’t like parties with large crowds of people, because you didn’t have time there to visit with each one. So, for their 50th wedding anniversary, the daughters orchestrated a week together in a time-share in Branson and surprised them with a memory photo album and greetings from friends and relatives.
When Rita had some major health issues and Andy developed Alzheimer’s, they moved back to Janesville to be closer to immediate family and medical services. Rita cared for Andy at home for as long as she was able. She became actively involved with the Alzheimer Support Center of Rock County and learned from them what to expect and how to deal with this disease that began to take over their lives. After having to place Andy in a care facility, Rita took very seriously her wedding vows—and for better or worse, until death parted them, she was a full-time wife. She visited every day she possibly could. She became acquainted with the other residents and staff and their families and showed them concern and support as she was able.
For their 60th wedding anniversary, three of the daughters and their families shared dinner with Rita and then took a piece of cake to Andy. Rita enjoyed seeing him laugh along with the family silliness that always ensued when they were together.
She had moved into Willard Haus where she could be surrounded by people who could relate to her place in life and provide for her social support. She made many friends and encouraged other friends to move into Willard Haus. She enjoyed her computer—playing Free Cell, emailing and surfing the web for any information she wanted. She also put together jigsaw puzzles to pass the time. Her final one, completed just before she went to Kay’s the last time, is displayed here. Appropriately, it contained the Bible verse that speaks Jesus’ words: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.”
To the very end she served her family and friends—baking and packing up a truckload of Christmas cookies to send to Texas for Kathy and Christine’s families to enjoy. She was tired, but she went to visit her friend, Kay—to enjoy her Christmas decorations and to laugh at the TV shows Kay had recorded for them to enjoy together. She never wanted anyone to fuss over her or make any sacrifice for her, but she was always serving and sacrificing for others.
Though her family and friends will miss her greatly, we all know that she is at rest, and knows the greatest sacrifice that was given for her—and is receiving her reward for accepting that sacrifice on her behalf.