I have so many thoughts running through my head today. Many people in my life are hurting, I pray for some every single day and yet there is no change. I pray anyway. I remember my dad always saying that God answers our prayers, sometimes yes, sometimes no, and sometimes wait. I am hearing WAIT a lot as I see no changes. I pray anyway. It is called faith, it is what makes me who I am. I am so thankful for parents who not only taught me to have a faith of my own, but showed me by example their faith.
My mother visited my dad in the nursing home every single day from the day he was placed until she herself died (she only missed when she was in the hospital for her own illness, and she made me take her there on our way home from one of those hospitalizations). My mom could easily have put my dad in the home and NEVER once gone to see him and he would not have known the difference, she did not. Do you think she lived to be HAPPY (I think people think this is what life's about--it is not) ? Do you think she had fun being married to a man who didn't know who she was? Yet, she was faithful to him to the bitter end.
My dad was a pastor. He gave his life to that calling. He served the Lord by serving others. He was a faithful man of God. I remember what seemed like every family vacation we took he had to drive home to perform a funeral. He did it, he never once expected anyone to take his place. He honored his calling like no other person I have ever known. Was he HAPPY, probably not a lot of times, but he was certainly blessed.
OK, sorry you had to read all of that, it doesn't even begin to cover what is going on in my head, it was just a starting point.
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Monday, November 4, 2019
Promise
I have been thinking a lot lately about the last 29 years and little conversations that when they occurred didn't really mean that much, after all, we were going to grow very old together (that was my plan).
As I work on the scrapbook from our trip in 2016 in which we drove over 4000 miles, that was a lot of time together. It is one of my best memories of our marriage. We were all alone with each other, that hadn't happened much on trips since the boys were in our lives, most vacations we tried to include them. But, this one was just Jim and I and it was beyond special.
But, I'm working on this book and I am reminded of a promise Jim made to me early in our marriage. We had just seen a movie about something African, I don't recall the movie. As you may know, I lived in Central Africa for two years as a missionary; Africa was in my blood. A little piece of my heart remained there. As we were leaving the movie, I remember having a tear in my eye and telling Jim that I missed it so much.
He replied, "We will make many of our own memories together." He didn't fail me, he fulfilled that promise. I had no clue what was about to happen in the next 28 or so years, but one thing I did know, we were in it together.
Most of those memories are imbedded in the other entries of this blog. I don't need to repeat them. I just want to remember all that the years with Jim meant to me and never forget how much he loved me.
As I work on the scrapbook from our trip in 2016 in which we drove over 4000 miles, that was a lot of time together. It is one of my best memories of our marriage. We were all alone with each other, that hadn't happened much on trips since the boys were in our lives, most vacations we tried to include them. But, this one was just Jim and I and it was beyond special.
But, I'm working on this book and I am reminded of a promise Jim made to me early in our marriage. We had just seen a movie about something African, I don't recall the movie. As you may know, I lived in Central Africa for two years as a missionary; Africa was in my blood. A little piece of my heart remained there. As we were leaving the movie, I remember having a tear in my eye and telling Jim that I missed it so much.
He replied, "We will make many of our own memories together." He didn't fail me, he fulfilled that promise. I had no clue what was about to happen in the next 28 or so years, but one thing I did know, we were in it together.
Most of those memories are imbedded in the other entries of this blog. I don't need to repeat them. I just want to remember all that the years with Jim meant to me and never forget how much he loved me.
Saturday, October 5, 2019
The Ticket
Once again, I have been reminded of how much I am loved by my Heavenly Father. He never quits proving His love to me over and over.
Last evening, I drove up to Madison with a friend who had invited me to see Bob Goff. (If you don't know him, look him up!) I had taken the ticket when we entered, I read the ticket, it said, "Keep your ticket with you." I of course didn't quite understand why I couldn't leave it in the car, but if you know me, I pretty much follow the rules in most everything I do. So, I took the ticket and did something with it. I thought I stuck it in my purse, but I was paying little attention to what I had done with the ticket. We got to the venue and Jan reminded me that we had to have our parking ticket in order to get out of the structure. I kind of thought about it, looked quickly in where I figured I had put it. Nope, not there. Oh well, probably in the car.
We finished the first session, which, I am saying, if you haven't heard Bob or read his stuff, you need to. At dinner, I was going to search for the ticket. We ate, never gave it another thought until we were seated waiting for the next session and Jan said, "Empty out your purse and find the ticket." So, I emptied my purse. No ticket. We had stopped at the car on the way to dinner and hadn't noticed it in the car either.
After the event, we went to the car. I was most confident that the ticket would be in my cup holder where I had picked up my phone as we were getting out. Pretty sure that I had just not really examined the area on the way to dinner. Still feeling pretty unshaken by the potential loss of the ticket, we moved on to the car. We looked, not there, we looked again, all around the car, under the car, in the car. Not there. Pocket check for the 10th time, not there. OH!!! I don't do this kind of thing, what is up?
Jan went over to the kiosk to find out what to do if you have a lost ticket. I just kept looking, willing it to appear in the car. But, out loud I said, "God, we really need to have that ticket."(He knew that, I didn't know how badly we did!) Jan returned to the car to tell me that she found out in order to get out of the structure without a ticket, it cost $75. $75???? What!?!?
A discussion started, rationalizing that $75 would be the price of a good dinner, which we had gone cheap on earlier...
"What if were just go see if by chance someone turned it in?" Jan suggested. Knowing that price, I was willing. So, we started walking back to the venue.
About 30 feet from the car, Jan says, "Oh look, there's a ticket on the ground!" She picked it up and it was time stamped 2:55pm. That was the time we had arrived. It was clearly our ticket. (She wouldn't let me touch it!)
So, we paid the regular fee, got our ticket validated, and drove on home. Once again, I realized how much God loves me. How much there is truth in the statement that "not a sparrow" (or a parking garage ticket) falls to the ground but that He sees it and cares? How much more does He care about the things I count as big in my life, like my future, my purpose, my well-being? Once more, He showed me and once more I learned a lesson on leaning on Him.
Last evening, I drove up to Madison with a friend who had invited me to see Bob Goff. (If you don't know him, look him up!) I had taken the ticket when we entered, I read the ticket, it said, "Keep your ticket with you." I of course didn't quite understand why I couldn't leave it in the car, but if you know me, I pretty much follow the rules in most everything I do. So, I took the ticket and did something with it. I thought I stuck it in my purse, but I was paying little attention to what I had done with the ticket. We got to the venue and Jan reminded me that we had to have our parking ticket in order to get out of the structure. I kind of thought about it, looked quickly in where I figured I had put it. Nope, not there. Oh well, probably in the car.
We finished the first session, which, I am saying, if you haven't heard Bob or read his stuff, you need to. At dinner, I was going to search for the ticket. We ate, never gave it another thought until we were seated waiting for the next session and Jan said, "Empty out your purse and find the ticket." So, I emptied my purse. No ticket. We had stopped at the car on the way to dinner and hadn't noticed it in the car either.
After the event, we went to the car. I was most confident that the ticket would be in my cup holder where I had picked up my phone as we were getting out. Pretty sure that I had just not really examined the area on the way to dinner. Still feeling pretty unshaken by the potential loss of the ticket, we moved on to the car. We looked, not there, we looked again, all around the car, under the car, in the car. Not there. Pocket check for the 10th time, not there. OH!!! I don't do this kind of thing, what is up?
Jan went over to the kiosk to find out what to do if you have a lost ticket. I just kept looking, willing it to appear in the car. But, out loud I said, "God, we really need to have that ticket."(He knew that, I didn't know how badly we did!) Jan returned to the car to tell me that she found out in order to get out of the structure without a ticket, it cost $75. $75???? What!?!?
A discussion started, rationalizing that $75 would be the price of a good dinner, which we had gone cheap on earlier...
"What if were just go see if by chance someone turned it in?" Jan suggested. Knowing that price, I was willing. So, we started walking back to the venue.
About 30 feet from the car, Jan says, "Oh look, there's a ticket on the ground!" She picked it up and it was time stamped 2:55pm. That was the time we had arrived. It was clearly our ticket. (She wouldn't let me touch it!)
So, we paid the regular fee, got our ticket validated, and drove on home. Once again, I realized how much God loves me. How much there is truth in the statement that "not a sparrow" (or a parking garage ticket) falls to the ground but that He sees it and cares? How much more does He care about the things I count as big in my life, like my future, my purpose, my well-being? Once more, He showed me and once more I learned a lesson on leaning on Him.
Monday, June 24, 2019
First Significant Day
Today marked the first really significant day that I had to remember without Jim. Thirty years ago today I agreed and went on a blind date with the least amount of excitement and interest of any date I had ever gone on. I had my life planned out...perfectly. I didn't need someone to change that plan. Then, along came Jim.
I have written our story out in long form already, so I will spare you the details of that evening and the months that followed. I just didn't want today to be forgotten, I have had many thoughts running through my head of how today feels and how insignificant it would have been had Jim still been here to celebrate it with me. No doubt it would have been just another day in the life. I would have gone to work, he would have done whatever it was he did on Monday. So, thanks to his passing, my schedule was messed up and I had today off work. Thankfully, I have a friend willing to put up with my sentimental ramblings. A trip to Beloit for lunch allowed me to at least travel the path that Jim and I took that night 30 years ago. Things have certainly changed, but as my friend pointed out, that is what life is about, moving forward and not staying the same.
I have been thinking a lot recently about one conversation that Jim and I had early in our relationship. We had seen a movie that was filmed in Africa. Since I had just returned from a trip there before meeting him, my heart was still there. I commented at the end of the movie about how much I wished I could still be there. His words still echo in my mind and they are so true.
He said, "We will make our own memories." It was a simple comment that probably didn't take a whole lot of thought on his part, but it still lingers in my mind even now. We did make some great memories. We had good and bad, we had hard times and easy times, we loved and we fought. But one thing is for sure, we had a good life together, one I wouldn't trade for anything. He knew my heart and he did all he could to make me know how much he loved me.
Thanks for the memories Jim. I miss you!
I have written our story out in long form already, so I will spare you the details of that evening and the months that followed. I just didn't want today to be forgotten, I have had many thoughts running through my head of how today feels and how insignificant it would have been had Jim still been here to celebrate it with me. No doubt it would have been just another day in the life. I would have gone to work, he would have done whatever it was he did on Monday. So, thanks to his passing, my schedule was messed up and I had today off work. Thankfully, I have a friend willing to put up with my sentimental ramblings. A trip to Beloit for lunch allowed me to at least travel the path that Jim and I took that night 30 years ago. Things have certainly changed, but as my friend pointed out, that is what life is about, moving forward and not staying the same.
I have been thinking a lot recently about one conversation that Jim and I had early in our relationship. We had seen a movie that was filmed in Africa. Since I had just returned from a trip there before meeting him, my heart was still there. I commented at the end of the movie about how much I wished I could still be there. His words still echo in my mind and they are so true.
He said, "We will make our own memories." It was a simple comment that probably didn't take a whole lot of thought on his part, but it still lingers in my mind even now. We did make some great memories. We had good and bad, we had hard times and easy times, we loved and we fought. But one thing is for sure, we had a good life together, one I wouldn't trade for anything. He knew my heart and he did all he could to make me know how much he loved me.
Thanks for the memories Jim. I miss you!
Thursday, May 23, 2019
God's Unbelievable Love for Me
I really should write my blog as soon as the idea hits my brain. Instead, I write a little one liner in my notes on my iPad with the false sense of remembering what that brief little line even meant at the time I wrote it down.
I will attempt however to make some reasonable amount of meaning from the words I wrote down several weeks ago.
In the first few days and maybe weeks into my new life of being without Jim, I was often reminded deep in my soul of how much I meant to Jim. He was very good at letting me know that I meant the world to him. Sometimes I wondered why in the world I was so special to him. I really do not think I earned or deserved him loving me as much as he did.
I know that often in the death of a person, we tend to canonize him by the things that we say. I don't want to appear guilty of this by false information. Jim really did love me. People often told me that it was so obvious how much he loved me. I knew this, I took it for granted at times. I mean, "Of course he does, we are married and we take care of each other." But, since his death, I have seen in many more ways how he really did love me and how undeserving I am of his love.
But, in all of these thoughts, what really came to mind is that Jim had such a strong imperfect love for me. Yes, it was real, it was fierce, it was long-lasting, but it was imperfect. That brought me to the realization that God has the perfect love for me. As much as I valued and recognized the strength of Jim's love, I saw how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of life. God's love is so much more. Jim loved me through some rough times and I am sure there were times of doubt as to whether our love would survive through the hard times, but GOD! His love never even comes close to getting there. God's love for me (and you) never goes to that point of wondering if it can last through this next dark time in life. God's perfect love never gives up, never runs out, never dies.
So, in the sorrowful days that follow the death of my beloved husband and best friend, I am once again reminded of the Hand that holds me, the God who loves me and the One who has sifted through His hands everything that will touch my life.
I am thankful to have had a husband whose love for me really pointed my gaze upward to the One who loves me best.
I will attempt however to make some reasonable amount of meaning from the words I wrote down several weeks ago.
In the first few days and maybe weeks into my new life of being without Jim, I was often reminded deep in my soul of how much I meant to Jim. He was very good at letting me know that I meant the world to him. Sometimes I wondered why in the world I was so special to him. I really do not think I earned or deserved him loving me as much as he did.
I know that often in the death of a person, we tend to canonize him by the things that we say. I don't want to appear guilty of this by false information. Jim really did love me. People often told me that it was so obvious how much he loved me. I knew this, I took it for granted at times. I mean, "Of course he does, we are married and we take care of each other." But, since his death, I have seen in many more ways how he really did love me and how undeserving I am of his love.
But, in all of these thoughts, what really came to mind is that Jim had such a strong imperfect love for me. Yes, it was real, it was fierce, it was long-lasting, but it was imperfect. That brought me to the realization that God has the perfect love for me. As much as I valued and recognized the strength of Jim's love, I saw how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of life. God's love is so much more. Jim loved me through some rough times and I am sure there were times of doubt as to whether our love would survive through the hard times, but GOD! His love never even comes close to getting there. God's love for me (and you) never goes to that point of wondering if it can last through this next dark time in life. God's perfect love never gives up, never runs out, never dies.
So, in the sorrowful days that follow the death of my beloved husband and best friend, I am once again reminded of the Hand that holds me, the God who loves me and the One who has sifted through His hands everything that will touch my life.
I am thankful to have had a husband whose love for me really pointed my gaze upward to the One who loves me best.
Saturday, April 20, 2019
Sad Saturday
I woke up this morning in a very sad state of emotion. I had been surprised by the fact that I hadn't had a dream since Jim died. I hadn't had any dreams that I can remember and if you know anything about me, you know I dream and remember. Well, I can't say that I hadn't dreamed since Jim died, because last night I did. It wasn't a dream about him, but a dream that he was in and I was showing him something. When I woke up, I realized that I had had that dream. I started to cry, and cry hard, like happens sometimes. It was really the first time I had done that good of a cry since about 3 weeks ago. The rest of today has been more teary than I have had in awhile.
I had made plans to go to breakfast at Bass Creek and meeting Patty there. Ends up that my friend Laurie also joined us. We had a nice breakfast and visit. As we were getting ready to leave, Dave walked in. He came right over to me and told me that tonight he was going to be baptized.
If you read my blog about the last day Jim was alive, you know, this is the Dave that Jim voiced concern about whether or not he had come to know the Lord.
I told Dave that Jim would be so happy to know this, and that I would be there to witness it.
Isn't it just like my loving God to end my what started as a sad day into one of rejoicing? Yes, it is.
There will be more to follow about some lessons I have been learning along this new journey. I hope you are being blessed by my writings.
I had made plans to go to breakfast at Bass Creek and meeting Patty there. Ends up that my friend Laurie also joined us. We had a nice breakfast and visit. As we were getting ready to leave, Dave walked in. He came right over to me and told me that tonight he was going to be baptized.
If you read my blog about the last day Jim was alive, you know, this is the Dave that Jim voiced concern about whether or not he had come to know the Lord.
I told Dave that Jim would be so happy to know this, and that I would be there to witness it.
Isn't it just like my loving God to end my what started as a sad day into one of rejoicing? Yes, it is.
There will be more to follow about some lessons I have been learning along this new journey. I hope you are being blessed by my writings.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Back Tracking Cruise 2019 Chapter 4
I would be remiss not to mention what happened right after the elevator incident. I had mentioned that I would tell this story in Chapter 3, but I got a bit distracted. So, here we go:
There was a young man on the back of the "Nicole" elevator. He had this "look" like he could be a rocker. So, I asked him if he was famous. Just like the rest, he denied being famous. But, he had that look like he could be in a band.
Later on that evening, Kathy and I were walking on the pool deck headed somewhere. We saw this "non-famous" guy again. He was standing all alone. So, we (shy people that we are) went over and struck up a conversation. It went something like this,
"Hey, you are that famous guy, right?" we asked.
"No, I am really not famous. I am in a band though," he explained. Then he proceeded to tell us his story. (Ryan, if you are reading this, feel free to correct details I may have incorrect.) He told us his name is Ryan Cleveland and his band is "Hello Cleveland". He lives in Anchorage, Alaska. He told of how he had an injury and ended up on pain pills which eventually led to a pain killer addiction. That then led to a heroine addiction along with homelessness. He had been raised in the church and knew the truth but had chosen to drift away. He explained that when he hit his lowest low, he was all alone and realized how low he was. It was then that he felt the power of the Holy Spirit come in snatch him right out of the darkness. He said since that moment, he has lived his life for Jesus.
Kathy asked him who was praying for him. He said it was his mom. She was faithful in prayer for 15 years while he strayed. Of course, Kathy and I immediately began to cry. We both knew we fell far short of praying fervently for our own children. We stated that we sure would like to meet his mom. He pointed toward the ice cream area and said,
"She is right there!"
We headed that way. We asked if she was Ryan's mom. She introduced herself as Wendy and then asked if we had heard the whole story. We weren't sure, so, she proceeded to tell us that Ryan had led over 60 people to the Lord since he came back. Wendy took our hands right then and we prayed for our children.
This moment solidified our friendship for life. It is moments like this that make every penny I spend on the cruise is so worth it.
(Sorry, we have not one good pix of Wendy and Ryan. Kathy's camera was giving her fits the night we did Karaoke when we tried to take them.)
There was a young man on the back of the "Nicole" elevator. He had this "look" like he could be a rocker. So, I asked him if he was famous. Just like the rest, he denied being famous. But, he had that look like he could be in a band.
Later on that evening, Kathy and I were walking on the pool deck headed somewhere. We saw this "non-famous" guy again. He was standing all alone. So, we (shy people that we are) went over and struck up a conversation. It went something like this,
"Hey, you are that famous guy, right?" we asked.
"No, I am really not famous. I am in a band though," he explained. Then he proceeded to tell us his story. (Ryan, if you are reading this, feel free to correct details I may have incorrect.) He told us his name is Ryan Cleveland and his band is "Hello Cleveland". He lives in Anchorage, Alaska. He told of how he had an injury and ended up on pain pills which eventually led to a pain killer addiction. That then led to a heroine addiction along with homelessness. He had been raised in the church and knew the truth but had chosen to drift away. He explained that when he hit his lowest low, he was all alone and realized how low he was. It was then that he felt the power of the Holy Spirit come in snatch him right out of the darkness. He said since that moment, he has lived his life for Jesus.
Kathy asked him who was praying for him. He said it was his mom. She was faithful in prayer for 15 years while he strayed. Of course, Kathy and I immediately began to cry. We both knew we fell far short of praying fervently for our own children. We stated that we sure would like to meet his mom. He pointed toward the ice cream area and said,
"She is right there!"
We headed that way. We asked if she was Ryan's mom. She introduced herself as Wendy and then asked if we had heard the whole story. We weren't sure, so, she proceeded to tell us that Ryan had led over 60 people to the Lord since he came back. Wendy took our hands right then and we prayed for our children.
This moment solidified our friendship for life. It is moments like this that make every penny I spend on the cruise is so worth it.
(Sorry, we have not one good pix of Wendy and Ryan. Kathy's camera was giving her fits the night we did Karaoke when we tried to take them.)
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Chapter 3 (but not day 3)
I think I have forgotten to mention the line up during the cruise. Kind of the big deal of the event and I have left out that part.
The first night's concert was Building 429 and Mac Powell and the Family Reunion. I have always loved Mac's voice, it has been a very long time favorite of mine, so hearing him was a great treat. Speaking to him several times and riding the tender back to the ship with his family was really an added benefit. He shared in the concert that when he first started traveling with the band Third Day, they were pretty poor, etc. His wife landed a very good job as an assistant kindergarten teacher in a Christian school. That got a huge laugh. Then he brought his two kids out on stage to introduce them, they were obviously adopted. He started talking and you really thought he was going to stress the benefit of adopting kids and turned it into a request for a babysitter. I wish I could remember how he put it, but I really thought he was going to tell of the joys of adopting, in his really dry sense of humor, he totally fooled us all.
Blogging can get very time consuming as I spend a lot of the time looking through photos.
Late night by the pool side we heard Micah Tyler perform. We were in for a treat that night for sure but then blessed for the rest of the week as he led worship in the morning worship service. These services allowed us to be ministered to in word from Steve Wiggins. He is
a powerful speaker and actually opened himself up for us to glean from him by doing the 90 Day Klove Cruise Challenge daily devotions. (This has been a really rich time of learning from him.) Steve was the lead singer for Big Tent Revival and now leads worship at Bellvue Baptist Church in Memphis. He is a great speaker and I recommend looking him up on YouTube.
We had a couple more concerts that I need to tell you about, then I should be caught up and go on to the events of day 3.
So, day two's concert was the one I wanted to see last year and missed due to the amount of people who got seats before Kathy and I did. I may have told that story last year, I am not repeating it. But, this year I was quite excited to hear that Zach Williams was on the main stage along with Big Daddy Weave on night two.
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| Jason Roy-Building 429 |
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| Steve Wiggins |
Late night by the pool side we heard Micah Tyler perform. We were in for a treat that night for sure but then blessed for the rest of the week as he led worship in the morning worship service. These services allowed us to be ministered to in word from Steve Wiggins. He is
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| Micah leading worship |
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| Micah Tyler |
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| You can almost see his kids |
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| Mac at the concert |
So, day two's concert was the one I wanted to see last year and missed due to the amount of people who got seats before Kathy and I did. I may have told that story last year, I am not repeating it. But, this year I was quite excited to hear that Zach Williams was on the main stage along with Big Daddy Weave on night two.
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| Zach |
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| Big Daddy Weave (Mike Weaver) |
When I saw Zach the next day on the elevator, I said, "I was waiting for Zach Williams to come out on stage and then you started singing. I could not figure out who the guy with long hair was." To which he replied, "I got tired of going to the barber every week!" (see the photo below, top right is how he used to look)
I just found that I never completed this post and life got a bit busy. However, I don't want to waste all the time I spent getting these photos on here. So, day 3.
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| The Line Up |
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| Other Half |
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Prayer Quilt
Years ago I heard a story that has stuck with me for what seems like all of my life. I heard of a young girl in a foreign land praying that she would have a doll. Then, the missionaries in that area get boxes sent to them and in a box that had been mailed a year or more prior to arrival contains the very doll the young girl wished and prayed for. In all of my life I believed that could happen, however, I never imagined how real it could be in my own life.
If you know me well, or even if you know me not so well, you know I love the color purple. I have loved it for a very long time. I have always said it was my favorite color even when pink was more prevalent. I think it was supply and demand that put me in a pink category for a period of time. But, really, my loyalty has been to purple. (have you seen my hair?)
When Jim died, my sister Kathy was here by my side almost immediately. Kathy and I have a friend who lived in Austin during the time I lived there. She has since moved to Colorado. Through Facebook, we have been able to remain in contact with each other. Kathy called Sue shortly after the news of Jim's death. Later during that time between Jim's death and his memorial service, Kathy spoke with Sue again and was told that the Prayer Quilt ministry at Sue's church had tied a quilt in honor of me. Neither Kathy nor I really knew what that meant. We assumed the group tied quits, prayed for people and then sent the quilt to someone in need in honor of the person.
Well, Wednesday night, on the eve of the memorial service, I went out to check the mail and pull the car into the garage. I noticed a package on the porch. My first thought went to the dreaded package of something Jim had bought that now I would have to deal with. As I picked up the package I saw that it was addressed to me. I then noted the return address as Sue's name. I knew this had to be something very special to arrive at this time.
I brought the package in the house and announced that we may be having another tear session, be prepared. As I opened the package, I saw just a fraction of the contents and then began to cry. These were the days of my ugly cries, ones that I shared with my sisters and Dan, but hadn't broken down like that in front of anyone else. I am not too proud to cry and maybe even ugly cry in front of anyone, but I had been protected and only had those cries when my family was there to clean up the puddles.
Here it was, this lovely quilt. Sue knew my passion for purple and this color was of no surprise to me, but the story of how it came to be was just proof that long before Jim left this earth and I needed prayer, this quilt was orchestrated by God's hand into the hands of this group who prays for people.
Sue has a long arm machine in her house that her husband runs and does quilting for hire. A lady dropped off a quilt to be quilted and Sue was working on a quilt for her prayer group. The woman inquired as to what she was doing and she explained that she pieced the quilts and then the group would tie them as they prayed for the person who would receive the quilt. The woman came back to get her quilt and gave the purple quilt to Sue as a donation for her ministry.
When Sue got the call about Jim, she immediately remembered this quilt they had received and the group tied the quilt and prayed for me as they did. Sue then mailed the quilt to me and once again, I was shown the sovereignty of God. He knew the day, the hour, the minute of Jim's death and he knew the joy a purple quilt would bring me in my time of sorrow.
I cannot begin to tell of the many blessings that God has given me during this time. This is one that can only be explained by saying, "God loves me, and He has never let me forget that."
Friday, April 5, 2019
Our Last Friday
Well, here it is, two weeks ago since I had my final day on earth with Jim. I hope this story just brings to light how many details and seemingly insignificant things become so meaningful.
I had been working a lot of hours in a very busy and stressful job. The Monday leading up to this significant Friday, I had offered to work a night shift rather than my usual evening shift. So, I went to work at 7 pm that Monday and worked until 7 am Tuesday. During that night I began to feel a scratchy throat and knew that there was a huge potential that I was heading into a bout with the crud. So, Tuesday I tried to get as much rest a possible in hope to push off the illness. I was feeling a bit under the weather still on Wednesday but not enough to not go to work. As you have read (see "Let's Start with Thursday), I had an exhausting day. I came home Thursday night ready to spend the whole weekend working toward getting over the illness and getting as much rest as possible.
One other thing happened on Thursday that I had forgotten to tell about. Jim and I had a text conversation about whether or not we should cancel euchre on Friday because of low numbers. Our conversation went something like this:
(Admitting I was right may have just been why the rest of this story is significant!)
Jim did his usual run to Bass Creek for breakfast Friday morning. He would usually go to breakfast without me because he knew I loved to sleep in. I needed that rest even more so this day than ever. I was so exhausted and really feeling sick. I slept until close to noon and pulled my body out of bed only to make it as far as the sunroom where I lazed around in my pajamas. Jim was concerned about my being sick and staying in the house all day on such a beautiful sunny day. So, he suggested that he take me for a ride. We always find it great fun to go look at how high the river gets during the spring thaw. So, he suggested we head toward the river. I asked if I could stay in my pajamas while we went. He informed me that he preferred I dress for the occasion.
I got dressed and we headed out. First stop, the gas station. When we got into the car, the radio was playing. We have satellite radio in both of our cars and we often listen to only one station. "The Message" was on his radio and they were interviewing Steven Curtis Chapman because he had a new album out. They usually repeat these types of interviews throughout the day and this was not an exception. Jim immediately alerted me to the fact that he had already heard this one. I asked if we could keep it on since I had not yet heard it. He agreed. He knew how much I cherish Christian music and how I love to hear the hearts of the people who write and sing these songs. So, when we arrived at the gas station, he said, "I'll just leave the car running so you don't miss out on hearing this interview." We proceeded to the road when the transaction was complete and he decided to go the opposite way from how we would normally go. As we drove toward our desired destination, SCC said that he had recorded a song with his daughter-in-law. They played that next and the song is "How Great Thou Art." Jim was not a singer, rarely sang in the car, but during this particular song, I heard him singing along. Little did I know what was soon to come and I was witnessing his last time of singing off key and probably getting the words wrong too. When the interview was over, he turned the radio off.
As we got toward downtown, we discussed which way we should go, stating names of streets and whether each one would take us across the river. We opted to go up Delavan Drive and had a conversation about how the GM plant was coming down ever so slowly. When we got to the top of he hill and stopped at the light, I told Jim of a time that I avoided this corner at all cost when I had my car with manual transmission. We laughed about how stupid that was of me and how finally I faced that fear and came to realize my car did just fine at not rolling backwards. I then asked if we could go to Mocha Moments. I love coffee and really wanted a coffee cake from there. He of course agreed. He was set on making this time about me and what I wanted to do. So, we ended up at Mocha and realized that our long time dear friend, Ann Genrich was working there. She had just finished her shift and had some time to sit and chat. We talked about getting together to go out to eat and promised that we would get some time in this summer riding bikes. We headed out and went toward the river.
We drove down River Road and then on to Afton Road. As we passed by Bass Creek Cafe and Grill, Jim talked about his concern for Dave and that he really hoped he had made a decision for Christ. We circled around and followed a car whose driver was clearly driving while texting. Sure enough, when we passed her, I looked over and saw she was indeed on her phone. We complained about how stupid that was and this lady was older, should not be trying to do both. We got to 51 and headed north toward home. As we continued on our journey, Jim told me he had put some money in a drawer and also told me where some important paperwork was. I filed that information in my "don't really need to know this" file. We then talked about the issues we were having with Ryan and the continued difficulty we were experiencing in trying to parent this "adult" child of ours. I apologized to Jim for seemingly leaving all the responsibility of this on him. I told him I wished I could devote more time to helping Ryan succeed but my work life was too hectic to be able to devote that time to him. I thanked him for doing all that he was doing and reminded him that he had only 7-1/2 years left to have to do this job.
We had a long(ish) standing joke about Jim's "expiration date." When we were looking to downsize and trying to find a place to live, Jim was making this task very difficult. Jim had been a general contractor for years and if you knew how he built his houses, you knew that he never cut a corner or skimped on anything. NEVER!! Finding a house that was suitable for him was no easy task. He had it limited to about three possibilities. As we looked at houses built using less quality, Jim would quickly eliminate them from the list. I became quite frustrated in the process and told him one day, "You are only going to live 10 more years, you don't have to worry about some of these things, you'll be gone before they become an issue." He took the joke well and it became one that we used quite often. We were able to find a place to live that suited all of his requirements, but I often jokingly reminded him of his "expiration date." This day was no exception to that joke.
Our conversation then turned to some really practical stuff, like that fact that the basement was smelling more and more like cat urine and he wondered what was going on with the cats. I informed him that I hadn't been in the basement for quite some time. He knew I had an issue with facing things I didn't want to face and avoiding situations that make me have to do something I don't want to do (as in, avoiding the hill with my manual transmission). He pointed out this fault of mine and I admitted I may need some counseling to get over this issue. Then he decided that since he was on a roll, he could tell me what else I did't do right.
"You are terrible about telling people you appreciate what they do for you. You really don't thank people enough when they do nice things for you," he said. I was taken back by this, not angry or hurt, but concerned that I came across that way, I would never want people to not know I am grateful.
When we got back home, I promptly put my pajamas on and plopped myself back in the spot I had left for the ride. I took a nap and started to feel a little better. He told me that tomorrow we would get in the car and go somewhere for another ride. When I asked where, he said we would see tomorrow, wherever we chose. We had a brief discussion about what we wanted to do for our fall vacations. We had done two nice trips in the last two years and wondered what we could do this year. I talked about our plans to do the Alaskan cruise for our 30th anniversary next year. He alerted me to the fact that he had no desire to do that trip. I was disappointed, I thought we were in agreement on that, however, he was not. We talked about the Grand Canyon and discussed how we could work it out to drive out there as he had developed a huge dislike for flying. We tabled that discussion before it got to a point of being a huge conflict. He decided it was time for supper.
I chose to not eat supper that night because I was on WW and didn't really have anything I could eat. We hadn't grocery shopped for a long time. I grabbed a yogurt and Jim heated up some left over meatloaf. As he was eating it, he told me it was very tasty. When he finished, he almost immediately started saying how he had eaten too much and his stomach was upset and he wished he hadn't eaten so much. Wished I hadn't "made" him eat the meatloaf. I questioned in my mind why he would have over eaten when it was left overs and was the meatloaf bad? I offered some help to relieve his nausea and belching. He pretty much told me he didn't want me hovering over him while he felt so crummy. So, I went back to my chair and continued watching television. I lost track of time and wasn't really paying attention to TV or anything as I played games on my iPad. I realized it was late enough to go to bed, so got up to head that way. I honestly lost all track of how long had passed since I had last heard anything from Jim. As I stood up thinking of heading to bed I thought Jim must have just gone to bed since he was feeling sick. When I stood to go to the kitchen, I realized the bathroom light was still on. I started talking to Jim before I saw where he was. I asked if he felt any better. Then I looked down as I walked toward where he was and saw his body slumped over between the sink and the toilet. I screamed his name and touched him. I realized what condition he was in and ran to get my phone from the bedroom. I found it was a whole lot more complicated to call 911 than I always seemed to make it out to be while I taught CPR. I did have enough sense to open the front door and turn on the light as I called. Then I returned to the bathroom and pulled him down to the floor and started CPR. I did follow my own advice and put the phone on speaker while I did chest compressions. However, being a nurse most of my life, I knew that he was gone and really my attempts were futile. The dispatcher assured me that it was good to continue and when helped arrived they would have more options to help him. It seemed an eternity while I tried to bring back life to him. I prayed and cried out to Jesus while I tried to make the blood circulate and revive him. Five minutes later the paramedics arrived and took over.
I had the church's emergency number in my phone. I called there first. Pastor Andrew picked up and I explained that Jim was in dire straights and I needed help. He was here instantly. I headed outside so as not to hear the work that the medical team was doing, but not before I heard the monitor go on and the familiar sound of a flat line. I attempted to find the boys. I knew Dan had been in town and figured he was still at his game night. I called and got his voicemail. I left a message for him to call me immediately because Dad is very very sick, if even alive. Then I attempted to find Ryan. He was also out with friends somewhere. I don't recall if I got ahold of him right away. Dan called me back or sent a text saying he was on his way and Ryan called me back to see what was going on. I had to reassure him that it was necessary to drive carefully home. I would tell him what he needed to know when he got here. Dan was sure that it was just going to be like any other time of Jim having to be taken to the hospital for heart issues. Ryan arrived first and by this time the paramedics had informed me that they had done all of the necessary medications for resuscitation and that he was in asystole with no response to treatment. Pastor Andrew broke the news to Ryan. I made several more phone calls, alerting Kathy, Mickey, Michele right away. Then later went on to notify more family members. Pastor Drew walked in, then Pastor Jaime. I was at that point in time starting to realize just how big my circle of support is and felt so comforted in knowing that God was going to carry me through this next season of life.
Jim was gone from this earth. There was no doubt as the boys and I observed the shell that once housed his soul. I was so at peace knowing that he was now receiving his heavenly reward and singing in tune. I am not sure I was prepared for the days to come and the blessings that I was about to be the recipient of, I did not have a clue as to how people were going to come through for me.
So, the story goes on, and I will continue to write. But for now, that was Friday.
I had been working a lot of hours in a very busy and stressful job. The Monday leading up to this significant Friday, I had offered to work a night shift rather than my usual evening shift. So, I went to work at 7 pm that Monday and worked until 7 am Tuesday. During that night I began to feel a scratchy throat and knew that there was a huge potential that I was heading into a bout with the crud. So, Tuesday I tried to get as much rest a possible in hope to push off the illness. I was feeling a bit under the weather still on Wednesday but not enough to not go to work. As you have read (see "Let's Start with Thursday), I had an exhausting day. I came home Thursday night ready to spend the whole weekend working toward getting over the illness and getting as much rest as possible.
One other thing happened on Thursday that I had forgotten to tell about. Jim and I had a text conversation about whether or not we should cancel euchre on Friday because of low numbers. Our conversation went something like this:
Jim did his usual run to Bass Creek for breakfast Friday morning. He would usually go to breakfast without me because he knew I loved to sleep in. I needed that rest even more so this day than ever. I was so exhausted and really feeling sick. I slept until close to noon and pulled my body out of bed only to make it as far as the sunroom where I lazed around in my pajamas. Jim was concerned about my being sick and staying in the house all day on such a beautiful sunny day. So, he suggested that he take me for a ride. We always find it great fun to go look at how high the river gets during the spring thaw. So, he suggested we head toward the river. I asked if I could stay in my pajamas while we went. He informed me that he preferred I dress for the occasion.
I got dressed and we headed out. First stop, the gas station. When we got into the car, the radio was playing. We have satellite radio in both of our cars and we often listen to only one station. "The Message" was on his radio and they were interviewing Steven Curtis Chapman because he had a new album out. They usually repeat these types of interviews throughout the day and this was not an exception. Jim immediately alerted me to the fact that he had already heard this one. I asked if we could keep it on since I had not yet heard it. He agreed. He knew how much I cherish Christian music and how I love to hear the hearts of the people who write and sing these songs. So, when we arrived at the gas station, he said, "I'll just leave the car running so you don't miss out on hearing this interview." We proceeded to the road when the transaction was complete and he decided to go the opposite way from how we would normally go. As we drove toward our desired destination, SCC said that he had recorded a song with his daughter-in-law. They played that next and the song is "How Great Thou Art." Jim was not a singer, rarely sang in the car, but during this particular song, I heard him singing along. Little did I know what was soon to come and I was witnessing his last time of singing off key and probably getting the words wrong too. When the interview was over, he turned the radio off.
As we got toward downtown, we discussed which way we should go, stating names of streets and whether each one would take us across the river. We opted to go up Delavan Drive and had a conversation about how the GM plant was coming down ever so slowly. When we got to the top of he hill and stopped at the light, I told Jim of a time that I avoided this corner at all cost when I had my car with manual transmission. We laughed about how stupid that was of me and how finally I faced that fear and came to realize my car did just fine at not rolling backwards. I then asked if we could go to Mocha Moments. I love coffee and really wanted a coffee cake from there. He of course agreed. He was set on making this time about me and what I wanted to do. So, we ended up at Mocha and realized that our long time dear friend, Ann Genrich was working there. She had just finished her shift and had some time to sit and chat. We talked about getting together to go out to eat and promised that we would get some time in this summer riding bikes. We headed out and went toward the river.
We drove down River Road and then on to Afton Road. As we passed by Bass Creek Cafe and Grill, Jim talked about his concern for Dave and that he really hoped he had made a decision for Christ. We circled around and followed a car whose driver was clearly driving while texting. Sure enough, when we passed her, I looked over and saw she was indeed on her phone. We complained about how stupid that was and this lady was older, should not be trying to do both. We got to 51 and headed north toward home. As we continued on our journey, Jim told me he had put some money in a drawer and also told me where some important paperwork was. I filed that information in my "don't really need to know this" file. We then talked about the issues we were having with Ryan and the continued difficulty we were experiencing in trying to parent this "adult" child of ours. I apologized to Jim for seemingly leaving all the responsibility of this on him. I told him I wished I could devote more time to helping Ryan succeed but my work life was too hectic to be able to devote that time to him. I thanked him for doing all that he was doing and reminded him that he had only 7-1/2 years left to have to do this job.
We had a long(ish) standing joke about Jim's "expiration date." When we were looking to downsize and trying to find a place to live, Jim was making this task very difficult. Jim had been a general contractor for years and if you knew how he built his houses, you knew that he never cut a corner or skimped on anything. NEVER!! Finding a house that was suitable for him was no easy task. He had it limited to about three possibilities. As we looked at houses built using less quality, Jim would quickly eliminate them from the list. I became quite frustrated in the process and told him one day, "You are only going to live 10 more years, you don't have to worry about some of these things, you'll be gone before they become an issue." He took the joke well and it became one that we used quite often. We were able to find a place to live that suited all of his requirements, but I often jokingly reminded him of his "expiration date." This day was no exception to that joke.
Our conversation then turned to some really practical stuff, like that fact that the basement was smelling more and more like cat urine and he wondered what was going on with the cats. I informed him that I hadn't been in the basement for quite some time. He knew I had an issue with facing things I didn't want to face and avoiding situations that make me have to do something I don't want to do (as in, avoiding the hill with my manual transmission). He pointed out this fault of mine and I admitted I may need some counseling to get over this issue. Then he decided that since he was on a roll, he could tell me what else I did't do right.
"You are terrible about telling people you appreciate what they do for you. You really don't thank people enough when they do nice things for you," he said. I was taken back by this, not angry or hurt, but concerned that I came across that way, I would never want people to not know I am grateful.
When we got back home, I promptly put my pajamas on and plopped myself back in the spot I had left for the ride. I took a nap and started to feel a little better. He told me that tomorrow we would get in the car and go somewhere for another ride. When I asked where, he said we would see tomorrow, wherever we chose. We had a brief discussion about what we wanted to do for our fall vacations. We had done two nice trips in the last two years and wondered what we could do this year. I talked about our plans to do the Alaskan cruise for our 30th anniversary next year. He alerted me to the fact that he had no desire to do that trip. I was disappointed, I thought we were in agreement on that, however, he was not. We talked about the Grand Canyon and discussed how we could work it out to drive out there as he had developed a huge dislike for flying. We tabled that discussion before it got to a point of being a huge conflict. He decided it was time for supper.
I chose to not eat supper that night because I was on WW and didn't really have anything I could eat. We hadn't grocery shopped for a long time. I grabbed a yogurt and Jim heated up some left over meatloaf. As he was eating it, he told me it was very tasty. When he finished, he almost immediately started saying how he had eaten too much and his stomach was upset and he wished he hadn't eaten so much. Wished I hadn't "made" him eat the meatloaf. I questioned in my mind why he would have over eaten when it was left overs and was the meatloaf bad? I offered some help to relieve his nausea and belching. He pretty much told me he didn't want me hovering over him while he felt so crummy. So, I went back to my chair and continued watching television. I lost track of time and wasn't really paying attention to TV or anything as I played games on my iPad. I realized it was late enough to go to bed, so got up to head that way. I honestly lost all track of how long had passed since I had last heard anything from Jim. As I stood up thinking of heading to bed I thought Jim must have just gone to bed since he was feeling sick. When I stood to go to the kitchen, I realized the bathroom light was still on. I started talking to Jim before I saw where he was. I asked if he felt any better. Then I looked down as I walked toward where he was and saw his body slumped over between the sink and the toilet. I screamed his name and touched him. I realized what condition he was in and ran to get my phone from the bedroom. I found it was a whole lot more complicated to call 911 than I always seemed to make it out to be while I taught CPR. I did have enough sense to open the front door and turn on the light as I called. Then I returned to the bathroom and pulled him down to the floor and started CPR. I did follow my own advice and put the phone on speaker while I did chest compressions. However, being a nurse most of my life, I knew that he was gone and really my attempts were futile. The dispatcher assured me that it was good to continue and when helped arrived they would have more options to help him. It seemed an eternity while I tried to bring back life to him. I prayed and cried out to Jesus while I tried to make the blood circulate and revive him. Five minutes later the paramedics arrived and took over.
I had the church's emergency number in my phone. I called there first. Pastor Andrew picked up and I explained that Jim was in dire straights and I needed help. He was here instantly. I headed outside so as not to hear the work that the medical team was doing, but not before I heard the monitor go on and the familiar sound of a flat line. I attempted to find the boys. I knew Dan had been in town and figured he was still at his game night. I called and got his voicemail. I left a message for him to call me immediately because Dad is very very sick, if even alive. Then I attempted to find Ryan. He was also out with friends somewhere. I don't recall if I got ahold of him right away. Dan called me back or sent a text saying he was on his way and Ryan called me back to see what was going on. I had to reassure him that it was necessary to drive carefully home. I would tell him what he needed to know when he got here. Dan was sure that it was just going to be like any other time of Jim having to be taken to the hospital for heart issues. Ryan arrived first and by this time the paramedics had informed me that they had done all of the necessary medications for resuscitation and that he was in asystole with no response to treatment. Pastor Andrew broke the news to Ryan. I made several more phone calls, alerting Kathy, Mickey, Michele right away. Then later went on to notify more family members. Pastor Drew walked in, then Pastor Jaime. I was at that point in time starting to realize just how big my circle of support is and felt so comforted in knowing that God was going to carry me through this next season of life.
Jim was gone from this earth. There was no doubt as the boys and I observed the shell that once housed his soul. I was so at peace knowing that he was now receiving his heavenly reward and singing in tune. I am not sure I was prepared for the days to come and the blessings that I was about to be the recipient of, I did not have a clue as to how people were going to come through for me.
So, the story goes on, and I will continue to write. But for now, that was Friday.
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Let's Start with Thursday
Well, in order to start with Thursday, I have to actually back up to earlier in the week, or month, or year...
I work as a nurse in a very busy NICU. This year the census has been unusually high and the need to work over our scheduled hours has been almost relentless. I love where I work and what I do. Mind you, it is not the perfect job, the hours and days get exhausting, things can get intense and emotionally draining, but through it all, I have found it to be the most rewarding nursing job I have ever had. It took me a long time to finally get to the NICU, so when I say "most rewarding" that is not a loosely used phrase.
So, on to Thursday...
I had worked the weekend before and saw that the night shift on Monday was very short staffed. So, I negotiated a deal and agreed to work a 12 hour night shift on Monday. Knowing I had Tuesday off, I knew I could catch up on needed sleep then and continue on with my regularly scheduled week of Wednesday and Thursday evening shift. Easy peasy, until in walks another round of sinus crud and pure exhaustion to go with it. Not sick enough to call off, but enough to make it hard to get another thing done other than sleeping. I just kept going.
Wednesday I did my normal routine of Bible Study ( lovingly referred to by some as BS) and went to work early for a staff meeting. As I looked ahead to Thursday, I noted that the day shift was tight on staffing and I knew I was on call in the morning at 11:00. I mentally prepared myself for yet another 12 hour shift. Then, the good news came that one of my co-workers called to say she could work a day shift on Thursday. I felt a touch of relief. Our unit runs in such a way that we have the benefit of predicting somewhat how many patients our near future shifts may have. It isn't always 100%, but we can anticipate the upcoming needs and plan accordingly. So, I went home Wednesday night and hoped for a long slumber before heading back for my 3:00 pm shift. Usually if I need to be at work for an 11:00 call shift, I am notified by 9. So, when 9:15 came along, I felt I was in the clear and could sleep at least another two hours and then get up and prepare myself for the normal shift. I needed groceries, had nothing to eat in the house since I had started WW and was trying to stay on the plan. Jim didn't have a burning desire to cook and would grocery shop any time I wanted him to, but that particular week, I hadn't had a chance to even figure out what I needed in order to send him shopping.
At 10:45 my phone starts that annoying buzzing indicating that someone clearly did not get my unpublished memo about sleeping longer and being rested up. I picked up the phone and saw the worst two words a person can ever see on their incoming calls, "Charge Nurse!" ARGH...I knew immediately what that meant and jumped out of bed and headed toward the shower as I was getting the information on what was happening at work and why I was needed ASAP. Not showered (which was really stupid of me not to do that and then go back to bed) I rushed to get ready. As I was getting into the shower I thought about the fact that like Old Mother Hubbard, my cupboard was bare. I yelled for Jim to come into the bathroom. I knew he was home because I had heard him laughing as he was listening to me telling the charge nurse that I was most likely not going to be there by 11. He came to see what I needed. I sent him to McDonald's to get me a breakfast meal and COFFEE. He lovingly jumped into his car and headed toward McD's. I was ready in record time and grabbed what I could for my evening meal knowing I could supplement with cafeteria food. I got to the car, backed out to the end of the driveway in order to be ready to bolt as soon as my food arrived. Ryan called me since he had been aware of the fact that Jim had gone for breakfast.
"Mom, Dad is getting you food." He thought I was leaving without waiting for the delivery. I told him I was aware of that and was just waiting so I could go. Jim finally returned, it seemed like a long time for just running to the McDonald's, but I didn't have time to discuss that, I just took off.
I looked at my gas gauge and to my surprise and delight, just under a half tank. I knew I could make it home and back (maybe a few times) without having to get gas. I have been known to have much less gas when I am in a rush to get to work. Drove Jim up the wall. 29 years of hoping I had enough to make it and knowing that I would eat crow if I ever had to call home for a gas delivery out on the road somewhere. Being ever so proud of myself for my critical thinking skills and great planning, I called Jim to alert him to the fact that I for once had been prepared for the trip.
"Hey, you need to pat me on the back, I have just under a half tank of gas in my car," I said proudly. Jim then proceeded to tell me of his adventure to the McD's and what he did. As he pulled up to the drive through, somehow this woman cut him off or pulled too close or something. He threw his hands in the air, which is something he often did when frustrated with less than excellent driving by others. The woman in the other car rolled her window down and gave him a piece of her mind with a few choice words. As he ended up at the window before her, he told the cashier he would pay for her order (thankfully, she was only having a coffee). He was directed to pull over to wait on my sandwich. As the woman pulled up beside him, she let him know that she appreciated him getting her drink and that it wasn't necessary, she apologized for her actions and explained how she was having a bad day and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He assured her it was not a problem and wished her a nice day. Speaking to me, his tone was that of someone not showing pride, but showing thankfulness that he was used in order to bless another person's day. I was so proud of him and was reminded of how much he really does mean to me.
I tell all this because to me, this is just like God. He planned these events; that rush to get to work that forced Jim to run for me, that call I made back to him to boast about my gas, that time we had to talk about the blessing he was able to give to someone else. All of those seemingly insignificant things, boring things in the everyday routine that suddenly, in the blink of an eye become sweet memories.
Little did I know at this time that this was only the beginning of the end and God was about to show up in many more exciting and crystal clear ways in hindsight.
Stay tuned!!
I work as a nurse in a very busy NICU. This year the census has been unusually high and the need to work over our scheduled hours has been almost relentless. I love where I work and what I do. Mind you, it is not the perfect job, the hours and days get exhausting, things can get intense and emotionally draining, but through it all, I have found it to be the most rewarding nursing job I have ever had. It took me a long time to finally get to the NICU, so when I say "most rewarding" that is not a loosely used phrase.
So, on to Thursday...
I had worked the weekend before and saw that the night shift on Monday was very short staffed. So, I negotiated a deal and agreed to work a 12 hour night shift on Monday. Knowing I had Tuesday off, I knew I could catch up on needed sleep then and continue on with my regularly scheduled week of Wednesday and Thursday evening shift. Easy peasy, until in walks another round of sinus crud and pure exhaustion to go with it. Not sick enough to call off, but enough to make it hard to get another thing done other than sleeping. I just kept going.
Wednesday I did my normal routine of Bible Study ( lovingly referred to by some as BS) and went to work early for a staff meeting. As I looked ahead to Thursday, I noted that the day shift was tight on staffing and I knew I was on call in the morning at 11:00. I mentally prepared myself for yet another 12 hour shift. Then, the good news came that one of my co-workers called to say she could work a day shift on Thursday. I felt a touch of relief. Our unit runs in such a way that we have the benefit of predicting somewhat how many patients our near future shifts may have. It isn't always 100%, but we can anticipate the upcoming needs and plan accordingly. So, I went home Wednesday night and hoped for a long slumber before heading back for my 3:00 pm shift. Usually if I need to be at work for an 11:00 call shift, I am notified by 9. So, when 9:15 came along, I felt I was in the clear and could sleep at least another two hours and then get up and prepare myself for the normal shift. I needed groceries, had nothing to eat in the house since I had started WW and was trying to stay on the plan. Jim didn't have a burning desire to cook and would grocery shop any time I wanted him to, but that particular week, I hadn't had a chance to even figure out what I needed in order to send him shopping.
At 10:45 my phone starts that annoying buzzing indicating that someone clearly did not get my unpublished memo about sleeping longer and being rested up. I picked up the phone and saw the worst two words a person can ever see on their incoming calls, "Charge Nurse!" ARGH...I knew immediately what that meant and jumped out of bed and headed toward the shower as I was getting the information on what was happening at work and why I was needed ASAP. Not showered (which was really stupid of me not to do that and then go back to bed) I rushed to get ready. As I was getting into the shower I thought about the fact that like Old Mother Hubbard, my cupboard was bare. I yelled for Jim to come into the bathroom. I knew he was home because I had heard him laughing as he was listening to me telling the charge nurse that I was most likely not going to be there by 11. He came to see what I needed. I sent him to McDonald's to get me a breakfast meal and COFFEE. He lovingly jumped into his car and headed toward McD's. I was ready in record time and grabbed what I could for my evening meal knowing I could supplement with cafeteria food. I got to the car, backed out to the end of the driveway in order to be ready to bolt as soon as my food arrived. Ryan called me since he had been aware of the fact that Jim had gone for breakfast.
"Mom, Dad is getting you food." He thought I was leaving without waiting for the delivery. I told him I was aware of that and was just waiting so I could go. Jim finally returned, it seemed like a long time for just running to the McDonald's, but I didn't have time to discuss that, I just took off.
I looked at my gas gauge and to my surprise and delight, just under a half tank. I knew I could make it home and back (maybe a few times) without having to get gas. I have been known to have much less gas when I am in a rush to get to work. Drove Jim up the wall. 29 years of hoping I had enough to make it and knowing that I would eat crow if I ever had to call home for a gas delivery out on the road somewhere. Being ever so proud of myself for my critical thinking skills and great planning, I called Jim to alert him to the fact that I for once had been prepared for the trip.
"Hey, you need to pat me on the back, I have just under a half tank of gas in my car," I said proudly. Jim then proceeded to tell me of his adventure to the McD's and what he did. As he pulled up to the drive through, somehow this woman cut him off or pulled too close or something. He threw his hands in the air, which is something he often did when frustrated with less than excellent driving by others. The woman in the other car rolled her window down and gave him a piece of her mind with a few choice words. As he ended up at the window before her, he told the cashier he would pay for her order (thankfully, she was only having a coffee). He was directed to pull over to wait on my sandwich. As the woman pulled up beside him, she let him know that she appreciated him getting her drink and that it wasn't necessary, she apologized for her actions and explained how she was having a bad day and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He assured her it was not a problem and wished her a nice day. Speaking to me, his tone was that of someone not showing pride, but showing thankfulness that he was used in order to bless another person's day. I was so proud of him and was reminded of how much he really does mean to me.
I tell all this because to me, this is just like God. He planned these events; that rush to get to work that forced Jim to run for me, that call I made back to him to boast about my gas, that time we had to talk about the blessing he was able to give to someone else. All of those seemingly insignificant things, boring things in the everyday routine that suddenly, in the blink of an eye become sweet memories.
Little did I know at this time that this was only the beginning of the end and God was about to show up in many more exciting and crystal clear ways in hindsight.
Stay tuned!!
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Chapter 2
When we arrived to the terminal, we walked in and must have looked like we were looking for a bathroom. The ladies all said, "The bathrooms are outside, there are none in here." Now, if you know anything about me, you know, when I gotta go, it's usually already too late. But, we made it. When we returned to the inside, I said to Kathy,
"Oh, man, do my feet hurt." and a gentleman from the cruise line who must have been walking by at just that second said, "Do you need a chair?" I assured him I did not. But, I did have some pretty nice blisters on my feet from our short little walk to the ship. (Now, to be clear about this, Kathy did not support any of my misdirections. She objected the whole time. I take full responsibility!)
We stopped to take a picture at the KLOVE sign and some nice people from Prescott, AZ were there ready to take ours in exchange for us taking theirs. Dene and Lori soon became our first set of cruise friends. (Dene told us to smile for the picture...only Donahue descendents can master that smile of ours, one that doesn't look like we are smiling!) Dene and Lori told us that they had been on a waiting list for the cruise and had only found out in December that they were going. They will be married one year in March, so this was their anniversary celebration. Dene was a cancer survivor. Lori loved my hair.
We were season crusiers by this trip so we expected to be put in a cattle chute and pushed toward the check in. However, Miami has updated their procedure and we were immediately at the check-in. We then proceed to security and then we were in. This is getting so exciting!!
I had decided not to take my big camera with me this year. It gets bulky and heavy. I may change that plan for next year. I kind of missed some good photo ops. But, Kathy will have some great shots I can share later.
Since we were old pros at this, first stop, the Windjammer. Some may call this a buffet or maybe even a feeding trough. But we knew that needed to be our first stop. We grabbed lunch and while in line we ran into Ken and Christine. Christine was not a familiar face, but Ken was, he was the person I cut in front of on a dare last year while we were in the cattle chutes. When I saw him in line, I squatted down in order to jump right up in front of him. Christine was a bit taken back, but Ken knew right away who I was and why I was there cutting in front of him again. ( I have no pictures of them, despite my plan to photograph all new friends, I failed)
We ate lunch and looking around the area for "famous" people. Kathy was determined that a table of young men across the way from us were famous. As they started to make their move to leave, she went over and asked them if they were famous. They all denied being famous, never gave up their identity and later we discovered they were Tauren Wells' band. We had several other opportunities to give them grief about who they really were. They were very good natured about it and we had a good time teasing back and forth once we knew their true identity.
On to the Muster drill. We had ours in the dining room. As we were walking in, we said, "Let's be sure to sit by someone who is fun!" Little did we know, we were about to make another set of lifelong friends. Despite the Bears gear, we sat with Leon and LaTonya. We chatted, got to know each other, and decided we would try to save seats for each other at the concerts. (That actually never worked out, but we spent a lot of time talking with them and getting to know them over the course of the trip.)
While heading back to our cabin after the muster drill, we got onto a crowded elevator (pretty much you get on or you wait another ten minutes) and Kathy didn't want to miss any opportunity. She says, "Is there anyone on this elevator who is famous?" Of course everyone chuckled and then a very beautiful woman points to another woman (both African American) and says, "She is Nicole C, Mullen." That woman was right next to me, we were touching shoulders. I looked at her and my thoughts were, "I thought Nicole was tall and thin, but hey, I haven't ever seen her in person and it has been awhile since she has been on the scene..." I reach over and hug her and tell her how much I love her music. All the while she was acting all embarrassed for being discovered, etc. The elevator opens to their deck and as they get off, Kathy says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you, but even if you hadn't been incognito, I wouldn't have known it was you." And the other woman says, "Actually, I am Nicole." As they walked away, Nicole's friend looks back and sings "I know, my redeemer lives," off tune and loud. I replied, "That's just how it sounds when I sing it!"
Well, later on that day, we ran into Nicole and pseudo-Nicole (later named Mandisa) and we informed them that they really owed us a picture for tricking us like they had. So, we had a special photo op.
On the elevator was a young man, the one we really thought could possibly be famous. He was not then, but he has won over a special place in our hearts. More on his story in Chapter 3. (Stay tuned)
"Oh, man, do my feet hurt." and a gentleman from the cruise line who must have been walking by at just that second said, "Do you need a chair?" I assured him I did not. But, I did have some pretty nice blisters on my feet from our short little walk to the ship. (Now, to be clear about this, Kathy did not support any of my misdirections. She objected the whole time. I take full responsibility!)
We stopped to take a picture at the KLOVE sign and some nice people from Prescott, AZ were there ready to take ours in exchange for us taking theirs. Dene and Lori soon became our first set of cruise friends. (Dene told us to smile for the picture...only Donahue descendents can master that smile of ours, one that doesn't look like we are smiling!) Dene and Lori told us that they had been on a waiting list for the cruise and had only found out in December that they were going. They will be married one year in March, so this was their anniversary celebration. Dene was a cancer survivor. Lori loved my hair.
We were season crusiers by this trip so we expected to be put in a cattle chute and pushed toward the check in. However, Miami has updated their procedure and we were immediately at the check-in. We then proceed to security and then we were in. This is getting so exciting!!
I had decided not to take my big camera with me this year. It gets bulky and heavy. I may change that plan for next year. I kind of missed some good photo ops. But, Kathy will have some great shots I can share later.
 |
| This is looking down from deck 11 |
We ate lunch and looking around the area for "famous" people. Kathy was determined that a table of young men across the way from us were famous. As they started to make their move to leave, she went over and asked them if they were famous. They all denied being famous, never gave up their identity and later we discovered they were Tauren Wells' band. We had several other opportunities to give them grief about who they really were. They were very good natured about it and we had a good time teasing back and forth once we knew their true identity.
On to the Muster drill. We had ours in the dining room. As we were walking in, we said, "Let's be sure to sit by someone who is fun!" Little did we know, we were about to make another set of lifelong friends. Despite the Bears gear, we sat with Leon and LaTonya. We chatted, got to know each other, and decided we would try to save seats for each other at the concerts. (That actually never worked out, but we spent a lot of time talking with them and getting to know them over the course of the trip.)
 |
| It hurt to see this symbol on his shirt |
Well, later on that day, we ran into Nicole and pseudo-Nicole (later named Mandisa) and we informed them that they really owed us a picture for tricking us like they had. So, we had a special photo op.
KLOVE Cruise 2019 Chapter 1
We will see just how far this goes. I had many amazing experiences this trip and this may just end up being more like a book than a blog.
Started out with a middle of the night trip to Chicago to board the plane at 6:30 am. They were encouraging early arrivals due to the government shutdown and the potential for TSA to be especially slow. Well, they weren't. But, I was happy to be sure I wasn't going to miss my flight.
I flew to New York and changed planes to head to Miami. I had a lot of fear to fly this time due to the fact that I had been very sick with an upper respiratory infection the week prior to leaving. I had fear of pressure and pain in my sinuses. However, I know at least one person prayed for me and I had no issues of that.
I arrived in Miami and Kathy was already there from Austin. She thought I was coming from Atlanta and kept texting me asking me where I was and why it was taking me so long since the board said the plane was on time. Well, I couldn't answer her as to why she was thinking I should be there since my flight was 40 minutes behind schedule. I guess the Atlanta flight was on time...
We didn't really have a solid plan for getting to the hotel. We knew they did not provide a shuttle, so we had to figure out something. We were about to go Uber and then realized that Miami does have public transportation. So, we headed that way. We went on people movers that took us a very long long way with several turns. I told Kathy when we got to the end that it had taken us back to where we started. (She sort of believed me)
At the end of the people movers was a little monorail that took us to the rental car and train area. So, we asked for help at the desk and the lady told us how to purchase a ticket and board the train. We knew our hotel was in Coconut Grove and that was one of the stops listed on the train we were on. When we got off the train in Coconut Grove, we could see our hotel. It was a block over from the train station. We were thrilled. The cost of that train ride was $2.25. We had definitely made out well there. The hotel was having happy hour when we arrived and that provided enough for us to have a full meal. So, no added cost of food that night. We had to walk about 10 blocks each way to go to Walgreens for sunscreen and underwear. Kathy had forgotten hers.
We were going to color her hair purple to match mine but decided against it since it was going to be messy and we weren't sure it was safe for her scalp.
We went to bed and got up for complementary breakfast that morning. The hotel provided a ride to the port for $10 and only had one trip that they made at 10 am. We opted to try to get there on our own.
So, we got back on the train. I thought we were supposed to go to the end of the train line, but as we headed that way, Kathy saw ships. We decided it was probably best to get off there and try to get to where the ships were. Now, the adventure begins.
We were looking around, classic lost tourist look, I am sure. Two people saw us and came over and asked us if we needed directions. So, we asked how to get to the port. The woman was pushing an empty wheelchair and the man was walking. They guided us onto the monorail that was FREE and told us which stop to get off at. She then proceeded to tell me that they were homeless and could use some money. By this time, he had taken his seat in the wheelchair. I handed her some cash and thanked her for her help. We all four got on the monorail and she told us they would get off before us but to stay on until our stop (she told us which one). She got off, with the wheelchair, he stayed on. There were no seats, this is a standing transporter. We got to our stop, he got off with us and pointed us in the right direction.
So, we walked about two blocks and ended up at Bayside. We knew we were closer but we also knew we were not at the port yet. So, I googlemapped it and it said we could walk there, it would take about 30 minutes. So, we had a lot of time to kill, about an hour, so we decided to start walking. Let me tell you, Googlemaps does not know if there is no sidewalk, or areas that are blocked off with 10 foot chain link fences, but by golly, we were going to follow their directions no matter what.
When we finally ended up back to the original street we had started on and were three blocks up, having walked at least 10 blocks to get there, we changed our plan and decided to get something with wheels. That $10 each from the hotel was looking better and better. But, we stood at the trolley stop and waited for a trolley. There was a lady there who asked us if we were tourists. (I wonder if people always pull suitcases behind them if they aren't tourists) She called the trolley office because she was certain that the road was blocked back a few blocks and no traffic was getting through. We then spotted a flat rate taxi, that guy must have seen the look of despair in our eyes. He took our bags, we got in, and in a matter of 5 minutes, we were at our ship. Good grief!!
This was taken later as we did not get any pictures before we boarded the ship.
Started out with a middle of the night trip to Chicago to board the plane at 6:30 am. They were encouraging early arrivals due to the government shutdown and the potential for TSA to be especially slow. Well, they weren't. But, I was happy to be sure I wasn't going to miss my flight.
I flew to New York and changed planes to head to Miami. I had a lot of fear to fly this time due to the fact that I had been very sick with an upper respiratory infection the week prior to leaving. I had fear of pressure and pain in my sinuses. However, I know at least one person prayed for me and I had no issues of that.
I arrived in Miami and Kathy was already there from Austin. She thought I was coming from Atlanta and kept texting me asking me where I was and why it was taking me so long since the board said the plane was on time. Well, I couldn't answer her as to why she was thinking I should be there since my flight was 40 minutes behind schedule. I guess the Atlanta flight was on time...
We didn't really have a solid plan for getting to the hotel. We knew they did not provide a shuttle, so we had to figure out something. We were about to go Uber and then realized that Miami does have public transportation. So, we headed that way. We went on people movers that took us a very long long way with several turns. I told Kathy when we got to the end that it had taken us back to where we started. (She sort of believed me)
At the end of the people movers was a little monorail that took us to the rental car and train area. So, we asked for help at the desk and the lady told us how to purchase a ticket and board the train. We knew our hotel was in Coconut Grove and that was one of the stops listed on the train we were on. When we got off the train in Coconut Grove, we could see our hotel. It was a block over from the train station. We were thrilled. The cost of that train ride was $2.25. We had definitely made out well there. The hotel was having happy hour when we arrived and that provided enough for us to have a full meal. So, no added cost of food that night. We had to walk about 10 blocks each way to go to Walgreens for sunscreen and underwear. Kathy had forgotten hers.
We were going to color her hair purple to match mine but decided against it since it was going to be messy and we weren't sure it was safe for her scalp.
We went to bed and got up for complementary breakfast that morning. The hotel provided a ride to the port for $10 and only had one trip that they made at 10 am. We opted to try to get there on our own.
So, we got back on the train. I thought we were supposed to go to the end of the train line, but as we headed that way, Kathy saw ships. We decided it was probably best to get off there and try to get to where the ships were. Now, the adventure begins.
We were looking around, classic lost tourist look, I am sure. Two people saw us and came over and asked us if we needed directions. So, we asked how to get to the port. The woman was pushing an empty wheelchair and the man was walking. They guided us onto the monorail that was FREE and told us which stop to get off at. She then proceeded to tell me that they were homeless and could use some money. By this time, he had taken his seat in the wheelchair. I handed her some cash and thanked her for her help. We all four got on the monorail and she told us they would get off before us but to stay on until our stop (she told us which one). She got off, with the wheelchair, he stayed on. There were no seats, this is a standing transporter. We got to our stop, he got off with us and pointed us in the right direction.
So, we walked about two blocks and ended up at Bayside. We knew we were closer but we also knew we were not at the port yet. So, I googlemapped it and it said we could walk there, it would take about 30 minutes. So, we had a lot of time to kill, about an hour, so we decided to start walking. Let me tell you, Googlemaps does not know if there is no sidewalk, or areas that are blocked off with 10 foot chain link fences, but by golly, we were going to follow their directions no matter what.
 |
| See that fence? That was no obstacle for us!! |
When we finally ended up back to the original street we had started on and were three blocks up, having walked at least 10 blocks to get there, we changed our plan and decided to get something with wheels. That $10 each from the hotel was looking better and better. But, we stood at the trolley stop and waited for a trolley. There was a lady there who asked us if we were tourists. (I wonder if people always pull suitcases behind them if they aren't tourists) She called the trolley office because she was certain that the road was blocked back a few blocks and no traffic was getting through. We then spotted a flat rate taxi, that guy must have seen the look of despair in our eyes. He took our bags, we got in, and in a matter of 5 minutes, we were at our ship. Good grief!!
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