First off, the death of my dad. I had gotten a call, one that I had been anticipating for year, honestly, often times hoping for it, on Monday, October 13.
"Andy has started to pocket his food and is not swallowing. We are unable to give him his medication and he cannot eat any longer." Words I knew I would one day hear. I had said the same exact thing to Renee years ago.
I said, "He will live as long as he eats, when he stops eating, it will be the end." It sounds so cold and calculated, but having resolved my dad's demise, it was words I knew would truly be the beginning of the journey Dad had lived for.
So, having received the call, I knew I had to notify the rest of the family. Tuesday I had a meeting at work and on my way home I noticed a call I had missed. I listened to the message and it was the doctor from the nursing home. I called him back. He informed me that Dad was actively dying, he wanted me to understand this, that it was only a matter of one to two weeks. He had lost his gag reflex and they could not safely feed him. Dad and Mom had years ago agreed to not supplement him with a feeding tube in order to extend his life. So, we wait. Dan, Jim and I went to the nursing home that afternoon to spend what we knew to be our last days with Dad. He was comfortable, sleeping quietly for the most part. I thought he looked better than he had for years. It was as though the battle was coming to an end, he was done being tormented by the disease that destroyed his earthly body.
Leila, Renee, and Matt all came over on Wednesday. We hung out with each other and with Dad. He didn't appear to know we were there but I know that if there was any miniscule amount of awareness and he could have known we were there, he would have been very happy. He loved us, he loved us being together, he loved us laughing and enjoying life. He would have been fulfilled. We talked to Kathy and with the distance and expense of coming up, we encouraged her to stay put in Texas until she came for the funeral. We didn't really know how long that would be and didn't feel an extra burden of getting here when Dad was not aware of us was really not necessary. We wait...
Leila planned on going home on Thursday and returning on Friday after work. With the uncertainty of the time, she changed her plan and just stayed on to be with Dad. It was really important to all of us that Dad not be alone when he passed into the next life. He didn't give us a clear picture of when that would be, he was such a strong man, we figured he would make it well through the weekend. Michele, Tim, Mike, Oliver and Elliott came over on Thursday. Once again, chaos of all of us being together began, and I knew Dad would be so happy.
On Friday, we all just kind of hung out. Didn't really know what to do. We waited.
On Saturday morning, I headed to work. I figured there was no reason to sit around and wait. I had arrived at work and heard that a former family that I had cared for their infant last year were in the hospital with their new baby. I cared for their little girl last year who lost her battle and was laid to rest in October of 2013. I rushed down to pay them my congratulations before my care times would start with the twin girls I was caring for that day. I went back up to the patient room of the twins and a co-worker came in the room. I usually don't have my phone in my pocket at work but with the chance of getting news, I had it with me. As Sue came in and asked me how my dad was doing, my phone rang. It was 8:30. I said, "It is the nursing home, I need to answer this." Having expected this call for years and even really aware of the closeness of it, I was shocked and sad to hear the words on the other end.
"Andy's heart stopped beating at 8:26. He has passed away." REALLY?????
"We wanted someone to be with him when he went!" I spoke from my heart and disappointment.
"We were here with him, he went peacefully," the nurse explained. I realized then, yes, they had not just been there for the end, but they had been there through the absolute worst days of Dad's life. They never really got to know my dad, they didn't get to understand his heart, the heart of a man who loved people and life and who had given so much of his life for others. But they were there, they cared for him for his physical needs that we as a family could never have managed. They treated him with dignity and compassion in a time when someone aware of himself would have felt embarrassed and humiliated. They were there...they deserved to be there.
I headed home and the time between then and November 1 when we had the service is a blur of planning and figuring how it would all come together. Family were coming from all over and figuring out where people would stay and how they would be fed all fell together because of the gracious offerings of many friends.
One of the things that I feared the longer Dad lived and the more time passed from the time he was a vibrant member of society was that no one would really care that he was gone. I feared all who knew him would be so far removed from when he was important to them, no one would really care. I was so very wrong. People showed up from years ago, people who Dad had impacted over the years of his ministry here in Janesville. Even people from other areas where Dad had ministered notified us of their condolences. Then there were those who didn't even know him, but they knew us, they loved on us like I have never been loved on before. I felt humbled and so blessed to be a part of a huge family of Christian people who really do demonstrate the heart of Christ. There were meals, there were beds, there was sympathy cards, there were monetary gifts, and there were numerous words of comfort. I was prepared for my dad to die, I was not prepared for the outpouring of love when it happened.
November seems to have just vaporized. I had been getting treatment for a sore elbow since before Dad had died. I was in the middle of physical therapy treatments when all of the events surrounding his death occurred. By early December, I had not improved and my doctor suggested an MRI and a plan to take me off work in order to heal my tennis elbow. I agreed to have something done to make it better. I didn't want to be off work but I needed a fix, I had suffered long enough. So, I was scheduled for an MRI on December 10. I didn't get the news from the doctor until the following week but she wanted to take me off work and have me treated with a tenotomy. During the doctor's appointment when we decided I needed the MRI, I got a text from Jim. He had not been feeling well, I thought he had the same bug that had hit Ryan earlier in the week. The text informed me that he had taken an nitro. I was in Middleton, at least an hour from home and was in the exam room waiting to speak to the doctor. By the time I had gotten to the car, there was a text telling me that he had taken himself to the ER. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was in a safe place.
When I arrived in Edgerton ER, there were no answers at that point in time. We waited to hear. The doctor came in and gave us the good news/bad news. There was not an elevation in cardiac enzymes, but there was a response to cardiac meds. Meaning there was something wrong and Jim was to be admitted to Meriter and be observed. Jim went by ambulance and I headed home to get things packed and Ryan settled in at home. Jim spent the weekend in the hospital and on Monday went to the cath lab and had two more stents placed. This was good news, they were able to put stents in and we didn't have to plan on bypass surgery.
Through this time, once again, I felt an outpouring of love by my Christian family. We were loved on by a visit from our growth group on Saturday night. We were surprised we didn't get kicked out of the hospital for being too loud. It was good medicine for Jim. On Monday a friend, Kris Blank, came up to Madison and took me out to lunch. She didn't call and ask, she called and told me, she knew I needed to be out of the building for a bit and I needed some air and traction. She offered that, I am so blessed. Pastor Jason came and saw Jim and Jon Christiansen came up and gave Jim a ride home on Tuesday because I had to be at work. Jenni Jensen provided taxi service for Ryan going to work. WE ARE SO BLESSED!!
Jim was home, things were getting back to "normal". We decorated the house of Christmas, really decorated. Hosted a party on the 13th for friends and family. Had a great time.
We decided to go to Michigan for the weekend before Christmas. Had a great time (short) with the Gray/Ashton gang. Came home, which ended up being a long drive home and a stop at Woodfield Mall (unplanned).
Monday, I turned 54. I started feeling a sore throat. I knew, when I get a sore throat, I am going to be sick. I had no idea. I went for my tenotomy on Tuesday, felt sickly but needed to get it done. I was already missing work. Came home and went right to bed. I didn't really get up for more than opening gifts until Saturday. I was very sick. It was a combination of being sick, taking pain medicine, throwing up from taking pain medicine, taking more pain medicine, for the pain, being sick, a vicious cycle. On Sunday I knew there was no way I could be upright and able to function. So, once again, my Christian family came through for me and fulfilled my duties at church for me. I AM SO BLESSED!
So, today is the second day I am actually up for a full day. We did make a run down to spend some time with Kathy and Bob as they were in Bloomington to visit Bob's family. I laid pretty low through that time as I had no energy or drive. My time with Kathy was pretty boring, but valuable since it was sister time. We met with Renee and Bruce on Sunday for lunch. It took all I had in me to stay upright.
I had two friends provide meals for me during my illness, thank you so much, Susie Whitson and Jan Zoellner for "feeding" us. WE ARE SO BLESSED!
Today was celebration Sunday. Today was the day I decided I needed to get this stuff written down. I am sorry if you have made it to this part. I didn't plan on writing a novel, just lots has happened. But, today in church I realized how vitally important my dad and his influence upon my life is. That truth came so alive today. I was reminded of the promise I made when Dad died. Dad always read his Bible, every day, without fail. He set such an example and one I really haven't followed. When he died, I decided it was time for me to honor him and start reading the Bible, just reading the Bible daily. Not a study, just the WORD. I started back in November and have kept up. So, now that it is the new year, it isn't a resolution for me to read the Bible in a year, it is just a continuation of what I started in honor of my dad. I was reminded of the power of the Word today when a gentleman from church gave his testimony of finding his way to a relationship with Jesus by picking up a Bible he had gotten as a child and how he just started reading it. It is powerful, it is life giving, it is now a part of my everyday life. Thankful to my Dad, to the value he put in the Word of God and how he lived as an example.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far, you should get a badge!!
I, too, was inspired and challenged by the reminder of Grampa's love for the Word, and I have also committed to being more faithful in daily Bible reading. Thanks for sharing! :-)
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