It is that time of year again, when we start to feel the pressure and push of the season. I wish it didn't have to happen, I wish that every year. I think what it calls to me is failure. I have failed as a parent to make traditions and memories for my children around the holiday that they can take with them wherever they go. I hate putting up all the decorations that only the four of us really see. It seems pointless, but yet we still continue to do it. I failed as a child and early adult to see the value in those "things we did every year" for the sake of the holiday. I feel I have a bit of Scrooge in me. Don't get me wrong, it is not the meaning of the holiday that I reject or have a problem with. I think I more have a problem with it not being Christmas every day of the year. We should celebrate the birth of our savior every day, every moment, every breath...but I fail to do that. I think December is just my month to remember how far I fall short of making JESUS the reason...not just of the season, but for everything. When I think of how he made such a humble entry into the world, suffered as a poor person, had to work for a living, was rejected and turned away, and yet, went up the hill and faced death for us, how can that not be the driving force of every minute of my life? I am a failure. But still, knowing that no matter where or how I fall short, he loves me, cares for me, understands me, comforts me, did I say, loves me? I just get so overwhelmed by the thought of a perfect God, loving an imperfect me.
So, hopefully, my sentiment does not carry over into the rest of my life. Hopefully I can "fake it" for the sake of my family and hope to have a very merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving
I spent a bit of time with my dad today after work. Jim and the boys went up north, so I knew I would be home alone. I went right to Rock Haven from work. He was wide awake and ready to walk when I got there. We walked, I talked--he listened!! I fed him his supper and know he would have never eaten that asparagus if he had a choice. In fact, I didn't even make him finish it, because I am pretty sure he never liked it.
I am thankful for Dad, for all he taught me, for all he did for me, and for still being there for me. I am also thankful that God gave me a man to be there when Dad could not be, Jim. I love him dearly, and for my two other "men" in the making. They have taught me so much about life, funny what we learn from our kids.
There are so many things to be thankful for, but today I just want to say, Thanks for my DAD!!
I am thankful for Dad, for all he taught me, for all he did for me, and for still being there for me. I am also thankful that God gave me a man to be there when Dad could not be, Jim. I love him dearly, and for my two other "men" in the making. They have taught me so much about life, funny what we learn from our kids.
There are so many things to be thankful for, but today I just want to say, Thanks for my DAD!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Continued Adoption Story
I had Ryan read the previous blog the other day and he said, "Where is the story of me?"
Well, there is a story, and here is some of it.
We had finished the legal aspect of adopting Dan and immediately put our application in for another child. We also had very busy lives with two businesses and I worked besides. Each time the state would call with a child, there just seemed to be too much going on at the time to think of adding another person to the mix. Years passed and it seemed as though we were probably just going to have Dan and that was all. We had not pursued any other children, we had pretty much resolved that a family of three was enough.
In March of 2000, we had just moved into the house we built for ourselves. Jim had been in the building business for many years and had built many custom homes. Since his business was thriving, he felt we needed to move out where we could have more land in order to have the supplies and vehicles we needed for our business. We built a house with a lot of garage space and a beautiful wooded area behind the house. We were getting yard work done and just getting settled in the house and the phone rang one day...
Jim was home alone, he answered the phone and it was a social worker from the state. She said, "There is a 2-1/2 year old boy who is in foster care, parental rights have been terminated, and he is ready to be placed for adoption. We found your name and we want you to meet him." Jim called me on my cell phone. I was on the way to the vet with our dog. He told me about the conversation and my immediate response was, "Call them back and tell them absolutely not." I was just not in the frame of mind to put myself through that all again. I was fine with how it was. He called them back and told them we were not interested. The social worker said, "Can you just meet him and then decide?"
Well, we agreed and this is what we saw when we went to meet him. He stole our hearts and we agreed at that meeting that he needed to be a part of our family. On the way back home, Dan was in the back seat and I could see his face in the mirror. I said, "Are you laughing?" and Dan said, "No, I am crying, can we go back and get him? Can we keep him? Can we go back tonight when they are sleeping and take him?"
We all had that same feeling but we waited through the process and on May 12, 2000, Ryan came to live in our home. It was all new to us, he was still in diapers and did not speak clearly enough for us to really know what he wanted. I took time off from work to get to know him. We had a great 6 weeks. However, it wasn't great for all of us. Jim struggled, he felt we had taken on too much. He felt the age difference was too great and the challenge of this young of a child was more than we could handle. There were many discussions, we sought counsel, life once again was filled with uncertainty that reminded us that we could really do nothing about some things that happen. I recall sitting in the living room one evening, having spent many many days and nights crying and praying that God would change Jim's heart, and Jim said, "I just can't do this." I said, "Jim, in all the time that I have known you, there is one thing I have never heard you say and that is 'I can't do this.' You have always worked through problems and I have never seen one too big for you." I don't know if that statement was the turning point for Jim, it seemed to have been, because I don't recall the pain or the question after that of what we were going to do with Ryan. He became ours even before we went to court and had it made legal.
I often say Ryan is our "oops" because he really did show up when we least expected. He had brought joy into our lives and a love of life like no other. We are thankful for his early years when someone chose to protect him and give him a foundation on which he can grow. He loves others, he loves kids, he loves life and we LOVE him.
Well, there is a story, and here is some of it.
We had finished the legal aspect of adopting Dan and immediately put our application in for another child. We also had very busy lives with two businesses and I worked besides. Each time the state would call with a child, there just seemed to be too much going on at the time to think of adding another person to the mix. Years passed and it seemed as though we were probably just going to have Dan and that was all. We had not pursued any other children, we had pretty much resolved that a family of three was enough.
In March of 2000, we had just moved into the house we built for ourselves. Jim had been in the building business for many years and had built many custom homes. Since his business was thriving, he felt we needed to move out where we could have more land in order to have the supplies and vehicles we needed for our business. We built a house with a lot of garage space and a beautiful wooded area behind the house. We were getting yard work done and just getting settled in the house and the phone rang one day...
Jim was home alone, he answered the phone and it was a social worker from the state. She said, "There is a 2-1/2 year old boy who is in foster care, parental rights have been terminated, and he is ready to be placed for adoption. We found your name and we want you to meet him." Jim called me on my cell phone. I was on the way to the vet with our dog. He told me about the conversation and my immediate response was, "Call them back and tell them absolutely not." I was just not in the frame of mind to put myself through that all again. I was fine with how it was. He called them back and told them we were not interested. The social worker said, "Can you just meet him and then decide?"
Well, we agreed and this is what we saw when we went to meet him. He stole our hearts and we agreed at that meeting that he needed to be a part of our family. On the way back home, Dan was in the back seat and I could see his face in the mirror. I said, "Are you laughing?" and Dan said, "No, I am crying, can we go back and get him? Can we keep him? Can we go back tonight when they are sleeping and take him?"
We all had that same feeling but we waited through the process and on May 12, 2000, Ryan came to live in our home. It was all new to us, he was still in diapers and did not speak clearly enough for us to really know what he wanted. I took time off from work to get to know him. We had a great 6 weeks. However, it wasn't great for all of us. Jim struggled, he felt we had taken on too much. He felt the age difference was too great and the challenge of this young of a child was more than we could handle. There were many discussions, we sought counsel, life once again was filled with uncertainty that reminded us that we could really do nothing about some things that happen. I recall sitting in the living room one evening, having spent many many days and nights crying and praying that God would change Jim's heart, and Jim said, "I just can't do this." I said, "Jim, in all the time that I have known you, there is one thing I have never heard you say and that is 'I can't do this.' You have always worked through problems and I have never seen one too big for you." I don't know if that statement was the turning point for Jim, it seemed to have been, because I don't recall the pain or the question after that of what we were going to do with Ryan. He became ours even before we went to court and had it made legal.
I often say Ryan is our "oops" because he really did show up when we least expected. He had brought joy into our lives and a love of life like no other. We are thankful for his early years when someone chose to protect him and give him a foundation on which he can grow. He loves others, he loves kids, he loves life and we LOVE him.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Why Adoption?
If anyone ever hears Jim's side of our adoption story, it makes me out as one of those women who so desperately wanted a child. I have a different perspective on it from my side. I wrote earlier about my commitment to raising children to be Christians, if God would see fit to give me the chance to raise kids. I wasn't crazy about children, didn't dream of having some of my own someday and doing whatever it took to get some. I was not willing to go to extreme measures in order to become pregnant. When we didn't conceive, I wondered what God had in store for us and yes, I was a bit disappointed to not be able to have a child form inside of me, but I never gave up on the fact that I had made a promise to God that I would do what he wanted in this area.
So, the story goes--in my own words:
We had been told by one doctor (we being me) that it would be best to find another way to get children, he held no hope for me to conceive. He was heartless and cold and I was devastated. I had to hold it together in order to get home. I still cannot believe this person told me that when I was sitting in his office all alone, Jim had not gone to the appointment with me. I had my niece with me and she was in the waiting room. Rather than discuss the concerns with her, I had to fake being "ok" until we got home.
I never even considered asking or speaking to Jim about adoption. I knew his feelings on starting over in raising a family and I knew he would not even consider the possibility of going to that extreme. If it didn't happen naturally, I could not imagine going for an alternative plan. So, I rested in the peace that I was not in control of this situation.
Jim had decided to end his employment with the company he had been with for many years and go out on his own in construction. It was a good time for this to happen, we had nothing to tie us down and I could work and provide for our health insurance. So, he started working for a couple who wanted to restore an old house their family had owned. This family did medical foster care for terminally ill children. Sometimes they would also provide respite for foster parents who needed a break from their foster kids. One day, there was a van load of kids who arrived at the work site where Jim was. There was a young girl there who stole Jim's heart. He was told she was in foster care and waiting to be adopted. When he came home that evening, I found him in the back yard working on a tree that had been blown over in the wind. He said to me, "We have to adopt." I looked at him and wanted to ask what he had done with my husband.
I immediately called the woman Jim was working for. She told me about what they did and how to get in touch with the state to pursue adoption. We attended our first informational meeting in August of 1993. It was disheartening and we left there feeling defeated and sad. It just didn't seem that it would work out, they painted a horrible picture of what adopting a special needs child would look like. We were also warned against one particular social worker and to try and not have her be on our case. Well, as time went on, we got a call from the state and the information was given that we would be assigned a social worker and it happened to be the one we were warned about. We struggled with whether we should ask for someone else or let it go the way things were going and trust that it would all be for good. We decided to trust in the process.
Our home study was done and we felt comfortable with our social worker. Nothing looked as bad as the initial meeting had indicated. We were pretty ready and just needed to wait for what came next. In July of 1994, I got a call from the agency asking if we would be interested in a three year old who was in foster care in Madison. A boy. I, of course, was willing to take anything, I did however wait to say yes until I spoke with Jim. When we discussed it, he said he really wanted a girl but we could see how this all worked out. By the end of the next week, our hopes were shattered. They called and said he had been placed somewhere else and we would just need to wait for the next one. A few weeks later, they called back. Things had not worked out with the other family and they wondered if we were interested in pursuing this child they had previously called us about. We were by then very anxious about the whole process and said we were really ready to accept him. We also felt this child needed stability and we were ready to give it.
On August 25, 1994, we went to Madison to meet with the social workers and the foster parents to discuss the options. We planned a meeting the next day in order to meet this child at the foster home and introduce ourselves to him. On Friday, August 26, 1994, we met our first child for the first time. Since the foster parents were building a house and had a newborn, they were living in an apartment and had most of Danny's belonging in boxes. He warmed up to us immediately. We took him to the pool at the apartment complex and then went back to the apartment to visit. I read him the book, "Beauty and the Beast" and he listened intently. I then told him I had that movie at my house. He said, "I want to come there." I looked at Jim, he looked at me, we looked at the foster mom, and we said, "Let's take him now," and we did. We took the belongings he had in his room and loaded him in our van and brought him home. We called the social worker when we got home and told her we had him. She said she would have to get busy on the paperwork to get us licensed to be foster parents. So, she did and he never left being in our care. We had several friends with kids just a bit older, they showered us immediately with toys and clothes so that Danny would feel at home.
We had to wait for a lot of legal issues before we were finally able to adopt Dan legally. He was 5 years old when we went to court. On June 20, 1996, we became the full legal parents of Daniel James Knull. We loved him from the first glimpse we had of him running toward us from the apartment where he lived. We have loved him through the hard times and the good times and we have done what we could to be the best parents we could be. We have failed in many areas, fallen short in many areas, and yet, we are honored to have been given the privilege of parenting him. We want the best for him and we are so happy to see the young man he has become and the hard work he has displayed in getting his education.
I pray daily that Dan will have a relationship with the Lord. That is why he came here in the first place. I trust the same God who provided us with him will bring Dan to a realization that he was born for a purpose and that is to be one of God's own.
So, the story goes--in my own words:
We had been told by one doctor (we being me) that it would be best to find another way to get children, he held no hope for me to conceive. He was heartless and cold and I was devastated. I had to hold it together in order to get home. I still cannot believe this person told me that when I was sitting in his office all alone, Jim had not gone to the appointment with me. I had my niece with me and she was in the waiting room. Rather than discuss the concerns with her, I had to fake being "ok" until we got home.
I never even considered asking or speaking to Jim about adoption. I knew his feelings on starting over in raising a family and I knew he would not even consider the possibility of going to that extreme. If it didn't happen naturally, I could not imagine going for an alternative plan. So, I rested in the peace that I was not in control of this situation.
Jim had decided to end his employment with the company he had been with for many years and go out on his own in construction. It was a good time for this to happen, we had nothing to tie us down and I could work and provide for our health insurance. So, he started working for a couple who wanted to restore an old house their family had owned. This family did medical foster care for terminally ill children. Sometimes they would also provide respite for foster parents who needed a break from their foster kids. One day, there was a van load of kids who arrived at the work site where Jim was. There was a young girl there who stole Jim's heart. He was told she was in foster care and waiting to be adopted. When he came home that evening, I found him in the back yard working on a tree that had been blown over in the wind. He said to me, "We have to adopt." I looked at him and wanted to ask what he had done with my husband.
I immediately called the woman Jim was working for. She told me about what they did and how to get in touch with the state to pursue adoption. We attended our first informational meeting in August of 1993. It was disheartening and we left there feeling defeated and sad. It just didn't seem that it would work out, they painted a horrible picture of what adopting a special needs child would look like. We were also warned against one particular social worker and to try and not have her be on our case. Well, as time went on, we got a call from the state and the information was given that we would be assigned a social worker and it happened to be the one we were warned about. We struggled with whether we should ask for someone else or let it go the way things were going and trust that it would all be for good. We decided to trust in the process.
Our home study was done and we felt comfortable with our social worker. Nothing looked as bad as the initial meeting had indicated. We were pretty ready and just needed to wait for what came next. In July of 1994, I got a call from the agency asking if we would be interested in a three year old who was in foster care in Madison. A boy. I, of course, was willing to take anything, I did however wait to say yes until I spoke with Jim. When we discussed it, he said he really wanted a girl but we could see how this all worked out. By the end of the next week, our hopes were shattered. They called and said he had been placed somewhere else and we would just need to wait for the next one. A few weeks later, they called back. Things had not worked out with the other family and they wondered if we were interested in pursuing this child they had previously called us about. We were by then very anxious about the whole process and said we were really ready to accept him. We also felt this child needed stability and we were ready to give it.
On August 25, 1994, we went to Madison to meet with the social workers and the foster parents to discuss the options. We planned a meeting the next day in order to meet this child at the foster home and introduce ourselves to him. On Friday, August 26, 1994, we met our first child for the first time. Since the foster parents were building a house and had a newborn, they were living in an apartment and had most of Danny's belonging in boxes. He warmed up to us immediately. We took him to the pool at the apartment complex and then went back to the apartment to visit. I read him the book, "Beauty and the Beast" and he listened intently. I then told him I had that movie at my house. He said, "I want to come there." I looked at Jim, he looked at me, we looked at the foster mom, and we said, "Let's take him now," and we did. We took the belongings he had in his room and loaded him in our van and brought him home. We called the social worker when we got home and told her we had him. She said she would have to get busy on the paperwork to get us licensed to be foster parents. So, she did and he never left being in our care. We had several friends with kids just a bit older, they showered us immediately with toys and clothes so that Danny would feel at home.
We had to wait for a lot of legal issues before we were finally able to adopt Dan legally. He was 5 years old when we went to court. On June 20, 1996, we became the full legal parents of Daniel James Knull. We loved him from the first glimpse we had of him running toward us from the apartment where he lived. We have loved him through the hard times and the good times and we have done what we could to be the best parents we could be. We have failed in many areas, fallen short in many areas, and yet, we are honored to have been given the privilege of parenting him. We want the best for him and we are so happy to see the young man he has become and the hard work he has displayed in getting his education.
I pray daily that Dan will have a relationship with the Lord. That is why he came here in the first place. I trust the same God who provided us with him will bring Dan to a realization that he was born for a purpose and that is to be one of God's own.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Why Can't He Just Die?
This was my sentiment for a very long time in regard to my dad and his falling into the ugly arms of Alzheimer's. If he would just die, then he would not have to suffer with this horrible disease. If he would just die, he wouldn't have to be so dependent upon other for his basic needs. If he would just die, he would be in the arms of his savior. Dad accepted Jesus as his savior in his late 20's and lived wholeheartedly for him until the day he passed into the state of not knowing anything. But really, what do we know? Do we know what he knows? I used to just wish that he would go into his eternal resting place because I thought that would be better for all of us.
I am so thankful for a God who knows better. Dad is for all practical purposes gone, he recognizes no one, he doesn't speak more than a few words at a time and most of the time what he does say is jibberish and makes no sense at all. But, when I go and see him, sometimes he smiles. His eyes light up and he smiles. Sometimes he laughs. I love those times. I love spending time watching him and talking to him, never really getting any kind of answer back. I love to feed him, especially ice cream. He is like a baby waiting for the next bite. I love the time I still have with him because even in the horrible state he is in, he still gives, he still causes me to have joy in my life, he is still my dad.
I fall short of my own expectations of getting to see him as often as I feel I should. He never makes me feel guilty or shamed because I have not been there. He sometimes smiles when he sees me, he never shows anger. Sometimes he doesn't open his eyes, but I know he is in there. I miss the old dad, but I am still grateful for the one that he has become. God taught me that I don't know best, I would be missing these special moments if all I had were memories of dad, I have memories, but I also still have a living, breathing dad, and for that, I am most thankful.
I love you, DAD!!
I am so thankful for a God who knows better. Dad is for all practical purposes gone, he recognizes no one, he doesn't speak more than a few words at a time and most of the time what he does say is jibberish and makes no sense at all. But, when I go and see him, sometimes he smiles. His eyes light up and he smiles. Sometimes he laughs. I love those times. I love spending time watching him and talking to him, never really getting any kind of answer back. I love to feed him, especially ice cream. He is like a baby waiting for the next bite. I love the time I still have with him because even in the horrible state he is in, he still gives, he still causes me to have joy in my life, he is still my dad.
I fall short of my own expectations of getting to see him as often as I feel I should. He never makes me feel guilty or shamed because I have not been there. He sometimes smiles when he sees me, he never shows anger. Sometimes he doesn't open his eyes, but I know he is in there. I miss the old dad, but I am still grateful for the one that he has become. God taught me that I don't know best, I would be missing these special moments if all I had were memories of dad, I have memories, but I also still have a living, breathing dad, and for that, I am most thankful.
I love you, DAD!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Our Story
I have never really sat down and written out the story of what led up to Jim and I meeting. For some, this is pretty uneventful, for me, it is a story of surrender and following God's will.
I was living in Texas in 1989, working in a very busy labor and delivery unit and loving pretty much every minute of my life. I had moved to Austin for two reasons, one, to be closer to my sister, Kathy and her family and two, to be where it wasn't so horribly cold. I had returned from two years in Central Africa where cold was 69 degrees; I didn't want to be cold ever again. My time in Texas allowed me to meet many people and form new friendships. I attended Bible Study Fellowship on Monday evenings. One of the women in my group said to a few of us "singles" that she felt we should all get together before Bible study and pray for our future husbands. None of us were dating at the time so this was certainly a step of faith. We met each week prior to the meeting, went out to supper, then went to the church and prayed for the future man God had for each of us. Really, I thought nothing much of this exercise, I felt the whole idea was so out of reach of reality that I only went along to be a nice person and felt that marriage was probably only for the other women I was there to support.
One night while driving to work, I was listening to the radio. Dr. James Dobson came on and made a comment about how the nation would deteriorate due to the lack of Christian parents raising their children to love and worship Jesus. I prayed on that trip and promised God that if he gave me a Christian man to marry, I would raise my children to follow him. My memory of that prayer is still crystal clear in my memory.
So, in May of 1989, I was planning a trip across the ocean to the village I had spent two years of my life. I wanted to visit one more time and see if that would be the future for me, long term missions. I decided that flying out of Chicago would be best in order to see my parents in the event that something happened and I could see them for the last time. I drove up to Warrensburg, MO where Mike and Leila lived, Mom and Dad were there to meet me to drive me the rest of the way to Janesville.
On May 5th, my lady friends from Janesville all got together for a slumber party. This was the night before I was to fly out of O'Hare. Lynda and Jody are sisters, Jody is married to Mike and Lynda was dating Pete at the time. Pete and Mike are brothers. These two sisters were telling me about Pete and Mike's step-brother and how he had been divorced recently and that he was a fun loving guy that they wanted me to meet. They thought it would be fun for both of us because we both had quirky personalities and we would get along well as friends. They never thought it would ever be more than a friendship. Jim was supposed to stop by Mike and Jody's house on his way back to Beloit from Edgerton. The ladies were going to just show up at their house when he got there and we were going to meet. Well, Jim decided to drive straight home, forgoing the stop to play pool at Mike's. So, we didn't meet. I told the ladies that I really needed to date and marry a Christian and since Jim had not made a decision to follow Jesus at this point in time, they needed to work on him about that and tell him about me. I would return in 6 weeks and meet him for sure.
I went to Africa. I saw a person there I had fallen deeply in love with. He had married and had a child since I had left. I knew my life had to go on for sure. I did want to return to the States and get back to school to be able to get my midwifery training and return to Africa and spend the rest of my life there. I was out walking with a Peace Corp volunteer one night. He was a crazy guy who lived in a hut in the village and a Christian who demonstrated great faith. We became close friends in that short period of time we were together. We were crossing the Sanja river (where there was an actual bridge) and as we crossed, quietly in my mind I said to the Lord, "If you want me to remain single the rest of my life, then I am going to be happy doing it." I surrendered my will in the area of marriage completely to God. I am sure Brett knew nothing of this transition. I didn't say a word out loud and with Brett, I think the only interactions we ever had were saturated in laughter, we had so much fun together.
So, I flew home. Arrived on Thursday. With the change of time zones, I really only concerned myself with sleeping. By Friday I had found out that there had been several plans for Jim and I to meet and double with Mike and Jody or Pete and Lynda and all the plans had fallen through. I didn't really care, I had a plan in mind, I was going back to school and back to Africa. The phone rang. It was this male voice I had never heard. The conversation went like this:
Jim: I think there are some people who want us to meet. Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow night?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Would you like me to pick you up?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Can you tell me where to pick you up?
Christine: The address is 2841 Mineral Point. I believe it has brick on it.
So, I had proven myself as an idiot before I even met him. The plan was for him to come and get me around 6 on Saturday evening.
Saturday came and I was getting ready for the "date". I showered and washed my hair, put on my makeup and a dress and was pretty much ready when the doorbell rang. Kathy and her kids were in Janesville because the plan was for Mom to drive us all down to Mike and Leila's to get my car and then we would go the rest of the way to Austin in my car. When the doorbell rang, Jimi yelled--and I mean YELLED, "YOUR HUSBAND'S HERE!" I was sure this stranger standing on the other side of that door heard that and I was ready to go out the back door never to be seen. However, I did not. I opened the door. When I did, I immediately felt my whole world turn upside down. I knew at that second that there was no schooling in my future and no returning full time to Africa. Jim and I went to the van and started our one and only real date.
We ended up eating dinner at the Manor and after dinner we did meet up with Pete and Lynda and the four of us went to Riverfest in Beloit. It was there that Jim kissed me. I was immediately so in love with him, I felt like I was 15 again. We had a blast together and after dessert and visiting with Pete and Lynda, Jim took me back to my parent's house. We spent the next several hours talking and trying to get to know each other as best we could with the short time we had. I explained to Jim what my faith meant to me and that if there was to be a long term relationship, he would have to first make a commitment to live his life for Jesus. He had been attending church since his divorce, he was seeking for a different life. I made it clear that it was my top priority and non-negotiable. We sat in the driveway until 4:30 when Jim went to stretch and accidentally hit the horn. That was a sign that we needed to separate and get some rest. We had church in a few hours and he had to go to Beloit to get ready.
I went in the house and Kathy got up to see how the "date" had gone. I told her about Jim and that I knew this was the man I was to marry.
Jim came to church that morning and we spent some of the afternoon together and Monday morning I left to return to Texas. I was so torn. I never wanted to stay in Janesville as badly as I wanted to that day.
So, Jim and I corresponded for a couple of weeks. The Sunday after Jim's birthday, I called to talk to him at Mike and Jody's. They were all together after church on Sunday night celebrating Jim's birthday. I spoke with Jody first. She said, "I think you need to ask him what happened." I knew what she meant. I got on the phone with him and said, "So, do you think I can tell my friends you are a Christian?" To which he responded with a "YES". I was quite excited and knew that I could now seriously change the plans I had made for my life.
By the end of July, as in about a week, Jim and I knew we did not want to spend another day away from each other. One night when we were talking on the phone, he asked, "What is keeping you in Texas?" I told him I had to quit my job and my lease on my apartment was up at the end of the month. So, really, nothing. He made plans to come and move me back to Janesville.
So, by the end of the month, I was packed up and moving back to my home town. On the trip back to Janesville, Jim asked me to be his wife.
So, I got a job here and started making wedding plans. On February 24, 1990, we became Mr. and Mrs. Jim Knull.
Life has been a roller coaster ride ever since. I have enjoyed the time. I love Jim more every day. He has been my rock and I would not trade him for anything, ever!!
There is so much more to our story. God has been faithful. I will tell the rest at another time.
I was living in Texas in 1989, working in a very busy labor and delivery unit and loving pretty much every minute of my life. I had moved to Austin for two reasons, one, to be closer to my sister, Kathy and her family and two, to be where it wasn't so horribly cold. I had returned from two years in Central Africa where cold was 69 degrees; I didn't want to be cold ever again. My time in Texas allowed me to meet many people and form new friendships. I attended Bible Study Fellowship on Monday evenings. One of the women in my group said to a few of us "singles" that she felt we should all get together before Bible study and pray for our future husbands. None of us were dating at the time so this was certainly a step of faith. We met each week prior to the meeting, went out to supper, then went to the church and prayed for the future man God had for each of us. Really, I thought nothing much of this exercise, I felt the whole idea was so out of reach of reality that I only went along to be a nice person and felt that marriage was probably only for the other women I was there to support.
One night while driving to work, I was listening to the radio. Dr. James Dobson came on and made a comment about how the nation would deteriorate due to the lack of Christian parents raising their children to love and worship Jesus. I prayed on that trip and promised God that if he gave me a Christian man to marry, I would raise my children to follow him. My memory of that prayer is still crystal clear in my memory.
So, in May of 1989, I was planning a trip across the ocean to the village I had spent two years of my life. I wanted to visit one more time and see if that would be the future for me, long term missions. I decided that flying out of Chicago would be best in order to see my parents in the event that something happened and I could see them for the last time. I drove up to Warrensburg, MO where Mike and Leila lived, Mom and Dad were there to meet me to drive me the rest of the way to Janesville.
On May 5th, my lady friends from Janesville all got together for a slumber party. This was the night before I was to fly out of O'Hare. Lynda and Jody are sisters, Jody is married to Mike and Lynda was dating Pete at the time. Pete and Mike are brothers. These two sisters were telling me about Pete and Mike's step-brother and how he had been divorced recently and that he was a fun loving guy that they wanted me to meet. They thought it would be fun for both of us because we both had quirky personalities and we would get along well as friends. They never thought it would ever be more than a friendship. Jim was supposed to stop by Mike and Jody's house on his way back to Beloit from Edgerton. The ladies were going to just show up at their house when he got there and we were going to meet. Well, Jim decided to drive straight home, forgoing the stop to play pool at Mike's. So, we didn't meet. I told the ladies that I really needed to date and marry a Christian and since Jim had not made a decision to follow Jesus at this point in time, they needed to work on him about that and tell him about me. I would return in 6 weeks and meet him for sure.
I went to Africa. I saw a person there I had fallen deeply in love with. He had married and had a child since I had left. I knew my life had to go on for sure. I did want to return to the States and get back to school to be able to get my midwifery training and return to Africa and spend the rest of my life there. I was out walking with a Peace Corp volunteer one night. He was a crazy guy who lived in a hut in the village and a Christian who demonstrated great faith. We became close friends in that short period of time we were together. We were crossing the Sanja river (where there was an actual bridge) and as we crossed, quietly in my mind I said to the Lord, "If you want me to remain single the rest of my life, then I am going to be happy doing it." I surrendered my will in the area of marriage completely to God. I am sure Brett knew nothing of this transition. I didn't say a word out loud and with Brett, I think the only interactions we ever had were saturated in laughter, we had so much fun together.
So, I flew home. Arrived on Thursday. With the change of time zones, I really only concerned myself with sleeping. By Friday I had found out that there had been several plans for Jim and I to meet and double with Mike and Jody or Pete and Lynda and all the plans had fallen through. I didn't really care, I had a plan in mind, I was going back to school and back to Africa. The phone rang. It was this male voice I had never heard. The conversation went like this:
Jim: I think there are some people who want us to meet. Do you want to go out for dinner tomorrow night?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Would you like me to pick you up?
Christine: Yeah, I suppose.
Jim: Can you tell me where to pick you up?
Christine: The address is 2841 Mineral Point. I believe it has brick on it.
So, I had proven myself as an idiot before I even met him. The plan was for him to come and get me around 6 on Saturday evening.
Saturday came and I was getting ready for the "date". I showered and washed my hair, put on my makeup and a dress and was pretty much ready when the doorbell rang. Kathy and her kids were in Janesville because the plan was for Mom to drive us all down to Mike and Leila's to get my car and then we would go the rest of the way to Austin in my car. When the doorbell rang, Jimi yelled--and I mean YELLED, "YOUR HUSBAND'S HERE!" I was sure this stranger standing on the other side of that door heard that and I was ready to go out the back door never to be seen. However, I did not. I opened the door. When I did, I immediately felt my whole world turn upside down. I knew at that second that there was no schooling in my future and no returning full time to Africa. Jim and I went to the van and started our one and only real date.
We ended up eating dinner at the Manor and after dinner we did meet up with Pete and Lynda and the four of us went to Riverfest in Beloit. It was there that Jim kissed me. I was immediately so in love with him, I felt like I was 15 again. We had a blast together and after dessert and visiting with Pete and Lynda, Jim took me back to my parent's house. We spent the next several hours talking and trying to get to know each other as best we could with the short time we had. I explained to Jim what my faith meant to me and that if there was to be a long term relationship, he would have to first make a commitment to live his life for Jesus. He had been attending church since his divorce, he was seeking for a different life. I made it clear that it was my top priority and non-negotiable. We sat in the driveway until 4:30 when Jim went to stretch and accidentally hit the horn. That was a sign that we needed to separate and get some rest. We had church in a few hours and he had to go to Beloit to get ready.
I went in the house and Kathy got up to see how the "date" had gone. I told her about Jim and that I knew this was the man I was to marry.
Jim came to church that morning and we spent some of the afternoon together and Monday morning I left to return to Texas. I was so torn. I never wanted to stay in Janesville as badly as I wanted to that day.
So, Jim and I corresponded for a couple of weeks. The Sunday after Jim's birthday, I called to talk to him at Mike and Jody's. They were all together after church on Sunday night celebrating Jim's birthday. I spoke with Jody first. She said, "I think you need to ask him what happened." I knew what she meant. I got on the phone with him and said, "So, do you think I can tell my friends you are a Christian?" To which he responded with a "YES". I was quite excited and knew that I could now seriously change the plans I had made for my life.
By the end of July, as in about a week, Jim and I knew we did not want to spend another day away from each other. One night when we were talking on the phone, he asked, "What is keeping you in Texas?" I told him I had to quit my job and my lease on my apartment was up at the end of the month. So, really, nothing. He made plans to come and move me back to Janesville.
So, by the end of the month, I was packed up and moving back to my home town. On the trip back to Janesville, Jim asked me to be his wife.
So, I got a job here and started making wedding plans. On February 24, 1990, we became Mr. and Mrs. Jim Knull.
Life has been a roller coaster ride ever since. I have enjoyed the time. I love Jim more every day. He has been my rock and I would not trade him for anything, ever!!
There is so much more to our story. God has been faithful. I will tell the rest at another time.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dad's Birthday Celebration Part 2
You can't have a party without gifts. What do you give the man who may not have everything, but has everything he needs? (or it gets lost in the nursing home laundry) I had a senior picture of Dan that I got back from Mom's apartment. I already have that exact picture on the wall in my living room, didn't feel I needed another of the same. So, I gave the picture back to Dad. I also gave him the picture of Mom and Dad that we used for Mom's obituary. When he opened the picture of Dan, he looked around the room, kind of seemed to be looking for who was in the picture. Then he grunted. Not really sure what the grunt meant. He opened the other picture and didn't really react much to it, but boy he loved the paper. He spent the rest of our time there playing with the paper from the gifts. I took it at the end of the day and put it in his activity box. He obviously liked the feel of the paper.
All in all, it was a very good day. I hope there was a little glimpse into Dad's mind that we were there. I hope he felt the love that we have for him. But if he doesn't, it doesn't really matter, just honoring him and spending time with him is time well spent.
I love you, Dad. Can't wait to hear what you have to say.
All in all, it was a very good day. I hope there was a little glimpse into Dad's mind that we were there. I hope he felt the love that we have for him. But if he doesn't, it doesn't really matter, just honoring him and spending time with him is time well spent.
I love you, Dad. Can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Dad's Birthday Celebration Part 1
Leila and Mike came over this past weekend to visit. Leila thought it was a good time to celebrate Dad's birthday. He turns 79 on April 18th. Renee was going to come up too and join in the festivities.
Ike Timm called earlier in the week and said he was thinking about my mom and dad this week and wanted to go see my dad. He heard about the party and asked if he could join us. Ike is the pastor who performed the service for my mother, his dad and my dad were close friends years ago. I told him that would be great if he would come, it would be an honor to have him join us. I took their picture and then realized we had--"Mike and Ike" with us. (Two preachers got together to talk)
Angie also joined us. I had posted an invite on Facebook, she called and asked if I was serious. I was serious and we were very excited to have her join in too. She stood in the picture for Kathy, since Kathy couldn't be there. Dad was none the wiser and really, Angie was like one of us anyway--we have shared many memories together. Angie lost her first husband 10 years ago and Dad came up from Missouri to have his funeral. Angie said Dad said to her, "Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning..." Dad had a great gift of offering comfort to the hurting. It is an honor now to offer help to him knowing how much he did for others.
Dad LOVES ice cream. I fed him his own ice cream and cake that Tim (Michele's husband) had made for him. We also had Dr. Thunder, Dad's beverage of choice. After I finished feeding him his cake and ice cream, we were just sitting there chatting and laughing. Ryan had decided he didn't want his ice cream so he pushed his plate to the center of the table. Pretty soon, Dad reaches over and pulls Ryan's plate in front of him. I gave him a spoon and he finished Ryan's ice cream (I had to help a little). He obviously could not get enough!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Dad
Jim and I went to see Dad today. It was one of the best days I have had seeing him, it was really hard to leave. I think if Jim hadn't been with me, I would have ended up staying most of the afternoon. Dad was awake and playing with his "toys" from his activity box. Mom had arranged for him to have stuff to keep his hands busy when he got antsy. I gave him an ice cream bar I had taken along with me. He "yummed" while he ate it. He was chatty and trying to tell us something. He even tried to sing. I have not seen him like this since he has been in care. It was rather enjoyable.
One of the funniest moments though, Jim told him, "Hey, Andy, I bought a Ford!" Dad got a huge smile on his face when he looked over at me. It is the one and only time I did not have my phone with me, I would have loved to taken his picture when he smiled like that. It was as though he knew that Jim was finally converted to Ford!!
I know that Dad does not have cognition of who we are and what we are doing there. I am just so thankful for the time I get to be with him. I cannot believe how much it gives me pleasure, it used to hurt so much to think of where he is at but now, my visiting him means more to me than it does for him. It is as though now I can tell him everything I want and it won't matter if it is good or bad, he doesn't get upset with me. I love him, he is a wonderful dad, I can't wait until we are all whole and spend eternity together.
One of the funniest moments though, Jim told him, "Hey, Andy, I bought a Ford!" Dad got a huge smile on his face when he looked over at me. It is the one and only time I did not have my phone with me, I would have loved to taken his picture when he smiled like that. It was as though he knew that Jim was finally converted to Ford!!
I know that Dad does not have cognition of who we are and what we are doing there. I am just so thankful for the time I get to be with him. I cannot believe how much it gives me pleasure, it used to hurt so much to think of where he is at but now, my visiting him means more to me than it does for him. It is as though now I can tell him everything I want and it won't matter if it is good or bad, he doesn't get upset with me. I love him, he is a wonderful dad, I can't wait until we are all whole and spend eternity together.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My Dad and the Story of Samuel
I started reading the Bible to Ryan this week. I have neglected reading to him for a very long time, usually it was because I was too tired or too annoyed to read to him. This past week I read a book and in the book the author referred to the story of Esther. I thought about the Old Testament stories and how I have not really read them a lot with Ryan. So, we started with Esther. Then went on to Ruth, and tonight we started 1 Samuel. When I finished the first two chapters, I was reminded that the third chapter of 1 Samuel is my all time favorite story in the Bible. Why is it my all time favorite? Well, because I can remember my dad telling me that story when I was a child, not once, not twice, but over and over again. I wonder if I asked him to tell it to me or if he just told it to me. I don't recall ever begging to hear it again but I know I heard it a lot. When I finished the second chapter tonight, I told Ryan, "The next chapter is the story that my dad always told me." Of course, Ryan wanted me to keep reading, pleaded with me to keep reading. So, with his begging and my childhood memories, how could I not read it? It made me realize how much my dad really loved me, he shared with me and showed me the most important things in life, how God is faithful.
I love my dad dearly, I miss being able to hear him talk. I wish I had valued him more when his mind was still here. I think I valued him highly, I just wish I had expressed it more often.
Thanks Dad, for the rich heritage you gave me. I didn't always agree with you and your decisions about my life, but I am thankful that you allowed me to grow up with a knowledge of who God is and the need for him in my life. I am thankful I can pass this along to the next generation and they can to the next, God willing.
I love my dad dearly, I miss being able to hear him talk. I wish I had valued him more when his mind was still here. I think I valued him highly, I just wish I had expressed it more often.
Thanks Dad, for the rich heritage you gave me. I didn't always agree with you and your decisions about my life, but I am thankful that you allowed me to grow up with a knowledge of who God is and the need for him in my life. I am thankful I can pass this along to the next generation and they can to the next, God willing.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Been a Long Time
Wow, I haven't been here in a long time. I ended up missing a whole month of work in order to stay home and rest, I rested, my house is still dirty, I don't really care at this point. Life is too short to worry about those dust bunnies all over and I don't have Mom here to make me feel bad because she would often pull out the broom when she came over--which naturally led to me actually getting off my butt and cleaning. (See, there are some things that are just not missed.)
I have a new plan for my life, it isn't getting very far either and I will not share until I have more of it accomplished.
Dan goes to Florida on Friday. He is getting to be a big boy, made his own flight reservations, will take the bus to Chicago, only thing I did is volunteer to get him to the bus station at 3 in the morning. I hope he makes it, when we were in Baltimore, he almost got left at the airport because he got off the shuttle at the wrong terminal and someone told me he had gotten off. All the people on the shuttle were hollering either at the driver to wait or to Dan to get back on. It was quite funny. One guy said to me, "You would have had some explaining to do." My thoughts were, "Na, probably not."
I have nothing else to say now other than, it is bed time and I will take full advantage of a full night's sleep tonight.
I have a new plan for my life, it isn't getting very far either and I will not share until I have more of it accomplished.
Dan goes to Florida on Friday. He is getting to be a big boy, made his own flight reservations, will take the bus to Chicago, only thing I did is volunteer to get him to the bus station at 3 in the morning. I hope he makes it, when we were in Baltimore, he almost got left at the airport because he got off the shuttle at the wrong terminal and someone told me he had gotten off. All the people on the shuttle were hollering either at the driver to wait or to Dan to get back on. It was quite funny. One guy said to me, "You would have had some explaining to do." My thoughts were, "Na, probably not."
I have nothing else to say now other than, it is bed time and I will take full advantage of a full night's sleep tonight.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
I LOVE Maps
OK, I did prior to tonight when I was helping Ryan with his homework. We worked on the map of Ancient Rome for 2-1/2 hours. It had a lot of detail and Ryan is quite sloppy, so we had to work very slowly on the project. We had to Google each of the items to put on the map because despite the map having a page number in the book, it was not a complete map. I felt very good working on this with him because neither of us got overly frustrated or upset--and it was a long time to work on one project. I see how my being calm and staying patient helped him remain calm.
During the work, he said to me, "Thanks Mom for helping me with this, I am so glad you are here to take care of me and I don't have to be in foster care." It was one of those moments that made me feel really glad to be a mom.
During the work, he said to me, "Thanks Mom for helping me with this, I am so glad you are here to take care of me and I don't have to be in foster care." It was one of those moments that made me feel really glad to be a mom.
Monday, January 24, 2011
blogging from my phone
I am in bed and decided I should say something. We made our last trip to the apartment today. We had to get the transformer off the Dish and sent it back. We moved the TV stand over to Patricia's apartment. She was so excited and grateful.
Then, we got to the car and got a call from our neighbor who was out on a mission to find us a refrigerator. He is an appliance repair man and was giving us advice. So, we decided to go look at one. We ended up making the purchase. I am excited to finally get my freezer in the bottom type.
I haven't gotten my iPod changed over to not playing Christmas music, so I am listening to that and remembering that one month ago on this date, Mom's faith became sight. Each few days I get a better understanding of how real it is that I know where my mom is. I do hope I am pleasing to her, I know there were many times I was not, but I want to honor the many special years we had together.
But one thing I know she would say, "You're not losing weight because you have an overactive fork!" She had such a way with words.
See you later, Mom, I love you!!
Then, we got to the car and got a call from our neighbor who was out on a mission to find us a refrigerator. He is an appliance repair man and was giving us advice. So, we decided to go look at one. We ended up making the purchase. I am excited to finally get my freezer in the bottom type.
I haven't gotten my iPod changed over to not playing Christmas music, so I am listening to that and remembering that one month ago on this date, Mom's faith became sight. Each few days I get a better understanding of how real it is that I know where my mom is. I do hope I am pleasing to her, I know there were many times I was not, but I want to honor the many special years we had together.
But one thing I know she would say, "You're not losing weight because you have an overactive fork!" She had such a way with words.
See you later, Mom, I love you!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Funny Things I Don't Want to Forget
My mom was not a funny person, one rarely saw her really laugh or be goofy like the rest of us did. She did have some funny one-liners though, and I don't want to forget them.
One day we were out driving around Janesville, Joe was driving. I don't know what we were looking for or at, but as we approached an intersection that was a T with a light, Joe said, "What do I do at the corner?" (meaning which way to turn) and Mom replied, "Stop if the light is red."
This past Thanksgiving she was going to Michele and Tim's. I asked her what she was taking. She said, "I am taking a green bean casserole, but I'm not making the one that everyone likes."
When Kathy was here for spring break last year, Kathy was eating a Twinkie...Mom said, "Well, no wonder you're so fat." Kathy has since lost over 40 pounds. Mom was a great motivational speaker.
...and then, there is always that one about the ice cream!!!
She never knew what Brett Favre's name was, she always called him Bart Favre.
One day we were out driving around Janesville, Joe was driving. I don't know what we were looking for or at, but as we approached an intersection that was a T with a light, Joe said, "What do I do at the corner?" (meaning which way to turn) and Mom replied, "Stop if the light is red."
This past Thanksgiving she was going to Michele and Tim's. I asked her what she was taking. She said, "I am taking a green bean casserole, but I'm not making the one that everyone likes."
When Kathy was here for spring break last year, Kathy was eating a Twinkie...Mom said, "Well, no wonder you're so fat." Kathy has since lost over 40 pounds. Mom was a great motivational speaker.
...and then, there is always that one about the ice cream!!!
She never knew what Brett Favre's name was, she always called him Bart Favre.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Christmas......finally
I am thankful that the celebration of Christmas is not really about the gifts or the glitz. We didn't have a tree this year, I didn't want to decorate for an empty house. We had planned of celebrating with just the four of us when we got home from Texas and before we had to head back to work and the daily grind. Well, work and grind was delayed and so was our gift giving celebration. Tonight, we finally got to it. Funny thing is, we shopped this afternoon. Talk about procrastinating, we are the King, Queen and two princes of it. We laughed about our gifts and our boys were really happy to get what they got. Dan was a bit surprised that we actually got him the iPod Touch that he wanted. I didn't want to spend that much money on him, but we did it anyway. He has a birthday soon, he won't be as lucky then ;) Ryan loved his Snuggie. I cannot believe how badly he wanted one of those, but never really asked for one. We kind of knew he wanted one since he loved using Kathy's when we were in Texas and Leila's when we were in Michigan.
Jim got cheese from Dan. Yes, that is correct, cheese. Why? Because we were out of cheese and this way, Dan had something to give Jim and something he will eat himself. Ryan got Jim a pair of gloves for moving the firewood, that is what Jim asked for. I got Jim a DVD of "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" because I love that movie and wanted it. (an old trick of Dan's--buying for others what you want for yourself)
Ryan wanted me to have a new robe. The robe I have is fine, but he wanted me to have a new one. Dan bought me a metal water bottle and some Milwaukee Brewer's ornaments. I hate baseball. Not really sure what the purpose of those were other than to lessen the inventory on the shelves of JC Penney and to get them at a really good price. Jim didn't buy me a movie or anything....I made it very clear that my gift was a trip to Texas. (I think I should ask for another one since the one I got was shortened)
So, enjoy the pictures of the January 9th Christmas with Knulls!!
The boys before we opened gifts!
Cheese
Has anyone seen Ryan?
My new robe.
Oh, I almost forgot. Dan bought Jim this sweater because he didn't think Jim looked very well dressed at the memorial service and he wants Jim to look good for any future funeral.
Jim got cheese from Dan. Yes, that is correct, cheese. Why? Because we were out of cheese and this way, Dan had something to give Jim and something he will eat himself. Ryan got Jim a pair of gloves for moving the firewood, that is what Jim asked for. I got Jim a DVD of "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" because I love that movie and wanted it. (an old trick of Dan's--buying for others what you want for yourself)
Ryan wanted me to have a new robe. The robe I have is fine, but he wanted me to have a new one. Dan bought me a metal water bottle and some Milwaukee Brewer's ornaments. I hate baseball. Not really sure what the purpose of those were other than to lessen the inventory on the shelves of JC Penney and to get them at a really good price. Jim didn't buy me a movie or anything....I made it very clear that my gift was a trip to Texas. (I think I should ask for another one since the one I got was shortened)
So, enjoy the pictures of the January 9th Christmas with Knulls!!
The boys before we opened gifts!
Cheese
Has anyone seen Ryan?
My new robe.
Oh, I almost forgot. Dan bought Jim this sweater because he didn't think Jim looked very well dressed at the memorial service and he wants Jim to look good for any future funeral.
Friday, January 7, 2011
What My Sister Said
It is too funny not to share this story. Mom's death was a total shock to us, although we all knew her health was failing. She was prepared to go and did prepare her financial affairs to cause the least amount of work for us when she went. However, there was one tiny detail that she never really addressed.
When we arrived home on Tuesday, Leila was at Rock Haven visiting with Dad. We called her and said we would come up there to see him too. So, we drove over there, Leila was using Mom's car as Mike had gone home. As we were leaving the home, I told Jim I was going to ride with Leila. We got into Mom's car and I realized that we didn't really know the details of all her possessions. I asked, "Hey, what are we going to do with the car?" Leila quickly stated that she was going to take it home with her. I thought a few seconds and tactfully as I could asked if there had been arrangements made ahead of time for that. Leila, who was with Mom in her last moments of life, said, "Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? Mom's last words were, 'I want you to have my car.'" To which I replied......"YOU BIG FAT LIAR" We laughed and laughed. It became one of my favorite stories of the days following my mom passing into her eternal rest. Even though Mom didn't laugh a lot out loud, I know she enjoyed our craziness.
Here is Ryan helping Grandma clean her car. I wonder how much chocolate he got that day.
When we arrived home on Tuesday, Leila was at Rock Haven visiting with Dad. We called her and said we would come up there to see him too. So, we drove over there, Leila was using Mom's car as Mike had gone home. As we were leaving the home, I told Jim I was going to ride with Leila. We got into Mom's car and I realized that we didn't really know the details of all her possessions. I asked, "Hey, what are we going to do with the car?" Leila quickly stated that she was going to take it home with her. I thought a few seconds and tactfully as I could asked if there had been arrangements made ahead of time for that. Leila, who was with Mom in her last moments of life, said, "Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? Mom's last words were, 'I want you to have my car.'" To which I replied......"YOU BIG FAT LIAR" We laughed and laughed. It became one of my favorite stories of the days following my mom passing into her eternal rest. Even though Mom didn't laugh a lot out loud, I know she enjoyed our craziness.
Here is Ryan helping Grandma clean her car. I wonder how much chocolate he got that day.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Memories of a Memorial Service
I stayed up until 3:30 am on the morning of Mom's memorial service. I was determined to get this slide show to work from my Mac to a PC format. I got it to work once, then, it would not work again no matter what I did. I did the right steps because I had done it once before. When I finally decided to give it up and we would take our Mac to the service and play the slide show in a corner rather than on the big screen, I knew that it was because Mom would have liked it better the way it happened. I am glad that even though we tried to do something she would not have liked, it worked the way she liked it.
I am adding the eulogies here that Ryan, Renee, and Leila and I read at the memorial service.
Hope you enjoy and once again, thank you for all your kind words and thoughts that have been expressed to us in this time of loss.
Christine
Renee said:
As a child I believed that my mom was the meanest person in the world. She made us clean up our plate, clean our room, be home by curfew, do our homework, go to church---and I believe she violated child labor laws with all the work she expected us to do around the house. If she snapped her fingers at us in church, we knew we were in big trouble when we got home.
Through the years, though, I grew to appreciate Mom’s strict discipline. We became closer and I learned to see the wisdom in what she taught me.
I remember one time when I was 32 years old, we went out to dinner. The meal I got was huge and after I was full and still picking at it, she said, “You really don’t have to clean up your plate.” Wow! That was liberating!!!
As I faced my own challenges in life, I came to understand Mom much better. I watched her suffer through multiple health problems as well as the decline of my Dad’s health. She didn’t like to share her pain with anyone. She carried her own burdens with minimal complaints.
She cried alone—and I know she cried a lot without anyone seeing her do it.
I believe it was at Mom’s 70th birthday party when one of her friends recalled when Mom & Dad moved to Janesville in 1973; Dad asked Mom to stand up and tell about herself. She said simply, “What you see is what you get.” That was my Mom. She was what she was, and she didn’t spend a lot of energy worrying about whether people liked it or not. She was what she was, and I believe she gained admiration from a lot of people with her ability to do that. My mom was unpretentious. She could prepare meals for evangelists, missionaries, bishops, or other visiting dignitaries. She’d pull out the best tablecloth, set a perfect table and prepare a good homecooked meal without appearing rattled or stressed, and she would humbly accept any compliments that might be offered.
In a conversation recently about the many “road trips” she & Dad used to make, she said, “We sure had a lot of fun!” If you have ever heard the stories of their travels, perhaps you would, as I, not consider them to be fun at all, but she had fond memories of the times they had together. She definitely lived in harmony—(or was it submission?) with Dad!
Mom & I became very close in the past few years. We’d talk on the phone sometimes 2 or 3 times a day and never less than once a week. No matter how often we talked, we ended every conversation with “I love you.” We often spoke about the fact that each conversation we had might be the last and we should plan accordingly, and so we did.
On my way to the hospital last Thursday night¸ not knowing if she’d still be alive when I got there, I was comforted by the fact that the last thing we said to each other was, “I love you”. When I left the hospital early Friday morning I didn’t say “good-bye”. I said, “I love you, Mom….See you later.”
Ryan said:
The last Sunday Grandma was alive; I spent the day with her. We went to church together to see the Christmas program and I asked her to take me to Panda Express. I know she probably didn’t want to go to Panda Express for lunch, but she took me there anyway. I am glad I got to spend the last Sunday with my grandma before she went to Heaven. Now she gets to go to church with Jesus.
Grandma liked to come over a lot without us even knowing. She would always just walk in without knocking. Lots of times she would come to our house when we weren’t home, she would call us and say, “Where are you guys? I am at your house.” I always loved it when that happened. Many times she would have some food she thought she would like and didn’t, she would bring it to us then. We were like her human garbage disposal. We liked having her come over. Grandma really liked sitting on our screen porch.
Grandma was always putting puzzles together, whenever I would go to her place, I would help a little with her puzzles. She always let me watch TV or get on her computer when I would visit her.
One thing I will miss about Grandma is that she won’t be able to say, “Ryan, where’s your coat? Put on your coat, you are making me cold.” He then said, "Grandma, this is for you..." and put on his coat.
My thoughts:
I never really thought I would be at a place to eulogize my own mother, I never thought I would want to. However, the last few days have made me realize that I may never get another chance to tell my story of my mother to such a captive audience.
In many ways, Mom left this life the way she lived this life—orderly and getting in a final word so that no one would ever say, “I wonder what Rita thought about…” She didn’t have a prolonged death experience as some people with terminal debilitating diseases have. She would not have wanted it that way. She was obviously suffering, but did any of us really know? No, because she was never one to let physical weakness overpower her abilities. Just two days prior to her home going, she baked and packed up dozens of cookies for us to take on our trip to Texas. She was tired; we thought from baking cookies, she never let on that it may be from something else.
She rarely let anything get in the way of going to see Dad at Rock Haven, even the day she got out of the hospital from getting her pacemaker placed, she made me take her to see that Dad was doing all right.
She was also a devoted friend, no matter how bad she felt or bad the weather was, she made sure she spent each evening watching recorded television shows, even soap operas, with her friend Kay. When Kay moved into her building, there was never a reason not to be there every evening.
Many of you are here today because Mom was a faithful servant of Jesus Christ. I have received messages in the past days of how much my mother meant to many of you and in so many different ways. Someone said her smile encouraged, one said a Christmas ornament handcrafted by Mom sits at a special place on her tree every year, reminding her of my mother, others ate lunches and shared conversations with her. She left her mark on many lives.
Mom won’t be remembered for sweet flowery words, she was not that kind of person. She did have a special place in her heart for her children and grandchildren. Matt, the first grandchild, needs a haircut and a shave, Michele—Grandma would have corrected you in some way, if she had ever needed to, LeAnn—deodorant, Jimi— she never spared the rod, or the fly swatter, or the wooden spoon… Dan—make sure you tell people what to do with their receipts, Ryan—where’s your coat? Leila, Kathy, Renee, and myself—we were all her favorites each for our own personalities and individuality. Sons-in-law—she never missed an opportunity to let you know what she thought of your latest idea or plan for her daughters……in the long run, fully supportive of the decisions each made.
I know Mom was proud of the accomplishments of her children and grandchildren, although she may have never told us specifically, I know from hearing from others that she “bragged” about us. When preparing to return home from Texas, as I was cleaning up the kitchen and we were all rushing around getting ready to leave, I just knew Mom would be proud of us for doing this all “her way”. She appreciated it when we valued what she said and did as she suggested; she continues to have a purpose.
Mom was not gifted with eloquent words but her heart spoke of what she really desires in life—that is for each one to find that relationship with Jesus that leads to a life in Heaven with him. I believe she would want this to be crystal clear to each and every one.
She was a loyal wife, mother, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and friend.
Leila said:
Rita Mae (Donahue) Siedsma
June 27, 1932-December 24, 2010
Who is Rita? She grew up on a farm as the eldest of eight surviving children. She did not have a lot of formal education, because there were other responsibilities that took priority over that when she was a teen. In 1950, at age 18, she met Andrew Siedsma where they were both factory workers at Admiral in Harvard, IL. Before the end of that year, they married, having to acquire parental consent for Andy.
Their family, which would eventually be of four daughters, began right away. They lived in Huntley, IL on a farm, and Andy drove into Woodstock to work at Auto-Light Industries. When it was time for Leila to start to school, they moved to Woodstock with their three daughters, Leila, Kathy and Renee, and Rita began working second shift at Auto Light so that they could trade off childcare between the two of them.
Rita and Andy both valued spiritual training and wanted to raise their children with Christian values, but since Rita had been raised Catholic and Andy was Protestant, they couldn’t find a middle ground that worked for them. They began to attend a Protestant church, but were offended when a pastor drew attention to their crying child during a worship service. So they didn’t return there.
In 1959 Rita’s brother was killed in an accident in Europe while serving in the Army. He was barely more than a teenager, and this event was devastating for them. They began to search for the bigger answers to life. At that same time, they were in the process of building a house in a new subdivision. They discovered that one of their neighbors there had been a close school friend of Rita’s, Josie Johnson. Wayne and Josie Johnson had found a church that was very alive and relevant for young families, and they invited Andy and Rita to come with them to a Sunday service. They entered the Free Methodist church one Sunday and were greeted by the son of a tavern owner they had previously been acquainted with. They recognized that this man’s life had been turned around. Before they left that Sunday morning, they heard the message of God’s love for them—that Jesus’ coming was about bringing forgiveness and new life to anyone who would receive Him. They had known the facts of Jesus’ life, but they had never understood the relevance it had to them personally. They accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior that morning, and their priorities and life totally changed around.
By that time, Andy had changed jobs and was employed by the Post Office. Over the next eight years, they added another daughter, Christine, to the family and they continued to make friends with other Christians and learned how to walk a life of faith and commitment to Christ. Andy heard Jesus call him to become a pastor, and in 1966, took his first Free Methodist assignment to two churches in Morris, IL and Fairbury, IL. Rita went willingly, but was concerned about how they would survive financially. She took cake decorating classes that she thought might help her supplement their income. That wasn’t the answer. She worked part-time cleaning at a motel, and became good friends with the owners and other co-workers.
Rita was always interested in people and their lives. She never missed a day of reading the newspaper to learn what was happening with people. She reached out to serve the needs of the people in the church and around her. She was always a “back stage” person—her most popular role in the church involved the kitchen and anywhere that hard work was being done. She met and ministered to people as she worked alongside them doing the practical things.
Rita became an accomplished self-taught seamstress out of necessity, to save money on clothing and doll clothes. After becoming a Christian, her girls had new Easter and Christmas dresses every year—skillfully sewed by her. For each of the daughters’ weddings, Rita sewed dresses for the brides and bridesmaids. She organized the catering of the wedding receptions, and decorated the cake for Leila’s. Rita and Andy became a kitchen team, also. They cooked for church camps and other church events over the years.
Over the years Rita took up other practical hobbies. She crocheted doilies that decorated her home and afghans and mittens for her own use and also as gifts for others, including her grandchildren when they arrived.
After Andy retired from pastoring, they moved to Eunice, MO to live near some of his siblings. They became active and supportive in the church they attended there. Rita joined a Quilting Club to meet new people and to learn how to sew quilts. She enjoyed the social interaction with the other ladies and made beautiful quilts for each of her six grandchildren over the years.
Rita always enjoyed potlucks and family dinners. She loved trying out new recipes and interacting with people around the table and in the kitchen. She loved hosting the family Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings for as long as she was able. She seemed to thrive on the noise and confusion of the crowd of people who loved, lived and laughed together.
She didn’t like parties with large crowds of people, because you didn’t have time there to visit with each one. So, for their 50th wedding anniversary, the daughters orchestrated a week together in a time-share in Branson and surprised them with a memory photo album and greetings from friends and relatives.
When Rita had some major health issues and Andy developed Alzheimer’s, they moved back to Janesville to be closer to immediate family and medical services. Rita cared for Andy at home for as long as she was able. She became actively involved with the Alzheimer Support Center of Rock County and learned from them what to expect and how to deal with this disease that began to take over their lives. After having to place Andy in a care facility, Rita took very seriously her wedding vows—and for better or worse, until death parted them, she was a full-time wife. She visited every day she possibly could. She became acquainted with the other residents and staff and their families and showed them concern and support as she was able.
For their 60th wedding anniversary, three of the daughters and their families shared dinner with Rita and then took a piece of cake to Andy. Rita enjoyed seeing him laugh along with the family silliness that always ensued when they were together.
She had moved into Willard Haus where she could be surrounded by people who could relate to her place in life and provide for her social support. She made many friends and encouraged other friends to move into Willard Haus. She enjoyed her computer—playing Free Cell, emailing and surfing the web for any information she wanted. She also put together jigsaw puzzles to pass the time. Her final one, completed just before she went to Kay’s the last time, is displayed here. Appropriately, it contained the Bible verse that speaks Jesus’ words: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.”
To the very end she served her family and friends—baking and packing up a truckload of Christmas cookies to send to Texas for Kathy and Christine’s families to enjoy. She was tired, but she went to visit her friend, Kay—to enjoy her Christmas decorations and to laugh at the TV shows Kay had recorded for them to enjoy together. She never wanted anyone to fuss over her or make any sacrifice for her, but she was always serving and sacrificing for others.
Though her family and friends will miss her greatly, we all know that she is at rest, and knows the greatest sacrifice that was given for her—and is receiving her reward for accepting that sacrifice on her behalf.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Life Goes On
Well, I said good-bye to the last family member to leave and go home this morning. That was hard. The reality of the loss sets in more each day. Leila went by the nursing home to see Dad this morning before she left for home. She said it was the most difficult thing of the whole event. Leaving him and knowing that Mom will not be there to see him every day makes it more real that she is gone.
The memorial service was beautiful. Mom would have liked it, it was done well. Mom had a special song that she loved to sing when she lived in Missouri. One day, several months ago, she called Renee all worked up about this video. A friend of hers had found it on Youtube and Mom wanted it on her computer too. It wasn't a matter of Renee getting to it when she had time, it was a matter of Mom wanting it right now. Renee worked on searching and finding the video and then sent it to her. I went to her apartment later that week and she said, "You gotta see this video that Renee found for me." I watched it and immediately loved the message of the song too.
http://youtu.be/N5ddoyfn6g4
There were many friends and family members at the service. It was so special to see many of these people and know that Mom had an impact on so many lives. She was certainly a back stage person, never wanting any acknowledgment for what she did. However, knowing that so many were touched by her ability to just be herself, really did say a lot in the end.
I will cherish this hectic chaotic week for the rest of my life, I know there will never be another one quite like this one.
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